Life Waves Episode II
by OnasiMagic
Summary: Post KOTOR LSF Revan AU Revan fights the dark side on a quest to find her children while Carth struggles to accept, and love, the woman he hasn't seen for years. discontinued
1. Bad Situations

_Please note this is an AU sequel to my original post-Kotor story, Life Waves, that tried to explain why Revan, LSF, left._

_If you have not read the first part of the story there are some things that may be difficult to understand, or enjoy, but hopefully not too much._

_Enjoy!_

**Disclaimer**

I do not own these characters; they belong to the Star Wars universe, mainly George Lucas and the game developers.

I have just been taking their characters and playing around with their destiny :D

Also thanks goes to the Firefly series, which has contributed to some of the scenes.

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Revan was still reeling from council's message when she heard a familiar hum. The ship was moving!

_Carth must have heard from Juhani or - danger was approaching._ She dropped the communicator and ran towards the cockpit.

----------------------

Juhani tried to avoid the fighters, maneuvering the ship as far from them as possible. Most continued in their original formation but a few veered off in pursuit. She was not especially skilled at piloting and was stunned when she seemed to be able to slip away from their shots with ease.

Minutes before the _Fore Runner _appeared on her screen the fighters changed tactics. Moving in unison they entered a climbing turn towards her. At the apex of their turn, when they could have just fired a catastrophic blast at her ship, they banked downward at a sixty degree angle. The nose of the fighters leveled and they moved away from her as quickly as they had approached.

---------------------

The cockpit door slip open and Carth felt the hair on the back of his neck rise. He resisted the urge to turn around, to give her any form of acknowledgement.

Revan turned her gaze to the controls. Unease played with her thoughts as she became aware of Carth's avoidance of her entry and subsequent refusal to recognize her at all.

She watched as they approached the small ship, sensing Juhani's presence on board. The minutes stretched and the tension in the room seemed to double with each passing second. Finally, she spun around, anxious to leave the room. She paused slightly when she heard Carth begin to speak, thinking for a moment he was addressing her.

"Hey there, need a lift?"

Realizing he was speaking to Juhani, she continued her pace and went to wait for the Cathar by the docking bay.

-------------------------------------

Juhani strapped the medical cables to the Scout and coded the instructions for a complete exam into the system.

"I told you I'm fine now." The scout insisted.

"This should only take a few moments. Commodore Onasi insists on a complete heath screen before receiving your report. I will return shortly." The scout grumbled something incoherent as she left the med bay.

Juhani was eager to speak with Revan who had been waiting, not so patiently, outside the room this entire time. She could sense a flood of conflict around her. Something was terribly wrong and it wasn't just about Carth, she was sure. She recalled the way Revan had looked at her after she had docked with the _Fore Runner_. The quiet manner as Revan followed behind while the trio had made their way to the medical center. The agitated stance she had taken outside the door as Juhani and the scout had entered.

Revan waited for the door to close behind Juhani before she began to speak in a hushed whisper. "I received a transmission from the Council a short time ago. All Jedi are to go into hiding."

She was interrupted from her explanation, "I do not understand."

"Juhani, listen to me, something or someone is seeking to destroy all the Jedi. I was told not to trust anyone, not even the Republic. The council is no more." She continued to explain, recalling verbatim the exchange she had with the Masters earlier.

"Revan, I have a very bad feeling about this."

"That makes two of us!"

-----------------------------------

Carth moved down the hall to wait for the crew to gather. His brief message to the Admiral had only mentioned that they were on their way back to Coruscant. An additional report would be sent after his exchange with the scout.

He stood at the head of the rectangular table and waited for the others to take their seats. He was in complete control, or at least presented an air of control, as he kept his gaze straight ahead until they were seated.

"You may begin." He nodded at the Scout.

"With all due respect Sir, my orders…" he glanced around at Revan and Juhani.

"It is noted, now continue." Carth placed his hands behind his back and moved his legs slightly apart, taking an authoritative stance.

The scout explained the events surrounding his time on Malachor V, how he had been split up from his partner, their Sith encounter upon entering the academy and later his escape and subsequent rescue by Juhani.

Carth moved his gaze to Juhani, "Is there something you wish to add?"

Juhani explained the caution they had decided to take instead of contacting him immediately. She then proceeded to explain the fighters, how she had been able to avoid their blasts easily and then how they had simply left before he had arrived.

Revan could feel waves of hostility pouring from Carth as she silently watched the exchange. The waves continuously echoed around the room until they drowned out the voices from her ears.

_He cannot even stand to look at me anymore. He is repulsed by me, because Malak was my lover, because of what happened on the Star Forge. He will never be able to forgive me. I was stupid for telling him, I should have just lied._

Carth began issuing orders to Juhani and the scout.

_Oh Force, Why did I tell him about my relationship with Malak? I want to take it back, I want to take it all back. I don't want for any of this to ever have happened. I want the last four years of my life back, I want **all** of my life back._

Revan could feel the quiet change that was happening within her. Her anguish began to dissolve, becoming a catalyst for the rage that was slowly growing within.

_He said he would be there for me! That bastard! He is so damn self-righteous. Who the hell is he to judge me, my life!_

Overcome by her own fury, she rose from the table as Carth moved to dismiss the meeting.

"I am here too you know! I am not invisible nor incapable. Did it ever occur to you that I might also have something to say? You know what, FORGET IT! I'm sick of your _snarking sanctimonious_ _crap_." She glared evilly at him before turning from the shocked group.

Carth's eyes widened and his brow furrowed as Revan sprang from the table and delivered her verbal lashing. Stoic resignation returned as he watched her leave the room.

"You have your orders." He barked to the silent pair who had remained stupefied until he spoke. The scout quickly rose and left but Juhani turned to Carth.

"What happened while I was gone?" Concern showing in her voice.

"I don't want to talk about it." He replied.

"She told you about the Star Forge?" she asked.

"I _said _I don't want to talk about it." His voice rising.

"Carth, you cannot hold her at fault for what happened…"

He interrupted her, "Juhani" his voice coming in a short angered clip as he held up his hand to silence her.

"There are things happening Carth that we need to speak with you about." She spoke rapidly, hoping to say as much as she could before he left the room.

"Whatever differences you two have right now, this is not the time to let them get in the way." He continued moving out of the room.

"Revan, … the children, are in danger." He stopped but did not turn around. "We are all in danger."

He pivoted towards her, "I'm listening."


	2. Uncontrolled Emotions

Juhani finally convinced Carth to continue the exchange in a more private location, with Revan present. At first he had resisted, insisting Juhani give him some details first. She told him what she could before he finally agreed to include Revan in the conversation.

"Let's get Revan." He finally said.

"Thank you Carth. You lead the way, I'm not exactly sure where she moved us…"

"Follow me."

They walked in complete silence covering the distance at a rapid pace. Juhani moved to the front when Carth stopped outside the door, gesturing that this was the room.

---------

"Juhani, I'm sorry about my outburst. I just couldn't stand sitting there any longer, being ignored like I wasn't even in the room…" she stopped speaking when she noticed Carth standing behind her. "What is going on?"

"Revan, I told Carth about the message from the Council."

Her mouth dropped open but she quickly recovered. "Okay, sure. I guess there are things we need to discuss. Come in."

"Are you sure this is appropriate?" Juhani cast her eyes towards the children. They were sitting in the corner of the room, legs crossed, hands resting on their knees.

Revan grinned, "I picked better accommodations, there's an adjoining room." She nodded over her shoulder. "I'll be right in."

Juhani and Carth moved towards the room as Revan began speaking with Aaron and Ariana.

"I have some important things to discuss. Stay where I can see you, I'll leave the other door open. Remember what I said about using the Force. You will have to speak quietly and out loud to one another from now on."

They nodded to her before looking to the man that stood staring at them.

Carth had not even realized he had stopped moving. He watched as Revan moved to the children before his eyes fell on Ariana for the first time. The first thing that struck him was how much darker her hair was compared to Aarons. _It is the color of Revan's hair_.

His gaze turned to Aaron. He had big brown eyes that were as round as any Carth had ever seen. They matched his round face perfectly. His fine, light brown hair fell delicately over his forehead. Carth imagined it would feel soft to the touch and he found himself wanting to reach out. Instead he turned back to Ariana.

Her hair was longer. It was parted in the middle and each side held a small lock of hair tied with a crimson red ribbon. The rest fell loosely, just below her shoulder. Her face was also round but she had a more defined jaw line and chin. The wide, round eyes of Aaron contrasted with his sisters. They were narrow and sank closer together at the outer corners, giving her the appearance of someone who was suspicious of others. Overall she was a beautiful child and Carth could see a lot of resemblance to Revan. It was much more difficult for him to see any resemblance to himself from either child.

While he had waited for the Scout to undergo his health screen, Carth had acquired some pictures of a young Malak. He could not see any resemblance there either. _Force I'm not good at this kind of thing._

He noticed the children were now looking at him and he felt a flash of heat rise in his cheeks. Revan came to his rescue.

"Aaron, Ariana, this is Commodore Onasi."

They both replied, "Pleased to meet you Commadoora Nasi."

Carth let out a small chuckle as Revan tried to correct them, stressing her words more carefully.

Ariana looked up at her mother and whispered quietly, "Ma'ma is he that hero?"

Carth moved closer, crouching down on one knee in front of them, "Now what hero is that?"

They both remained quiet before looking up at their mother. She nodded her approval and watched as they started to slowly, quietly at first, tell Carth about how they were going to be great Jedi Masters one day.

Revan stood beaming as she watched Carth and the children. She was surprised at how quickly they had opened up to him, talking like it had never been a problem for them. _This is how it was supposed to be. This is as close to a family moment as I'll ever get._

"It is our destiny" Ariana retorted.

"Oh it is, huh? Well, just be careful along the way, alright?" Carth had shifted his position and was sitting cross legged in front of them. The banter continued back and forth and Revan continued to be amazed at how well the younglings were relating to Carth. The children were now asking him about his destiny.

"I'm afraid there is no mystical force that controls my destiny." He replied.

They stiffened at this and Revan quickly took over. "We have to have our talk now, remember what I said and stay where I can see you both."

Carth rose and followed Revan into the other room, where Juhani had been patiently waiting.

"Should we put a force barrier around room?" she asked when they entered.

"No, it's too risky, we will just have to keep our voices low."

They stood talking about what their next move should be. No one seemed to be in agreement about much.

"How much do you know about the scout?" Revan asked.

"Personally, not much, but he has high level Republic clearance." Carth replied.

"Yeah, and that's reassuring." She remarked. "What did you find out about Ackertan?"

"Similar to Mos Eisley Spaceport. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

"Sounds perfect" she replied, her face lighting up.

"Perhaps the scout should go" Juhani inserted.

"NO, I don't trust him." Revan insisted. "I will go."

"Revan, I will go with the scout, together we will…" she was immediately cut-off.

"No Juhani, I don't trust him, whether you are down there or not. And especially if you are down there with him. We need more information, I can get that information. We can't return to Coruscant, at least until we know more."

Carth spoke up, "We are already enroute to Coruscant and there are people in the Republic that I still trust. I need to finish this mission before anyone gets suspicious…"

Revan interrupted, "Then stop our course! YOU of all people should know about the dangers of misplaced trust!"

Carth winced at her words. The hurt plainly displayed across his face.

They argued back and forth about who would head to the planet, if anyone, where they would travel to, if anywhere. Nothing was getting accomplished and time was being wasted. They were all growing frustrated at their lack of agreement.

"Look, if someone is seeking out all Jedi I really don't think you should be going, either of you." Carth looked back and forth between the two women before continuing, "We don't know the extent of this threat and until we do I cannot allow it."

Giving him a smug questioning glare Revan asked, "Well, then how do you suggest we are going to find out?" He found the ridicule in her voice extremely annoying.

Juhani tried to reason with both of them, "It has to be serious if the Council has sent all the Jedi into hiding. Perhaps Carth is right."

Carth took the opening "We need a smaller ship, supplies, crew members. We will return to Coruscant, get what we need, then come back."

"NO, I'm not landing on Coruscant!" Revan exclaimed. "How can you be sure that someone isn't already aware that Juhani, and perhaps even me, are on board with you? Not to mention, the simple fact, that there is no one else on that planet that we could even trust to join us. I'm not even sure I trust you Carth!" she realized she was serious about this revelation.

He simply stared at her in disbelief. "I don't believe you! Since when did you get so paranoid?"

"Maybe" she said mockingly, "When I was betrayed by someone I loved."

His mind reeled, _Who does she mean? Me? Malak? Or maybe both of us!_

"Enough you two, the children are just in the other room" Juhani spoke in a cautious tone.

Reason found its way into Revan's mind and she replied calmly. "Juhani is right. Carth look, I don't think this is going to work. Just drop us off on Ackertan, head back to Coruscant, finish your mission."

"NO WAY!" he shot back quickly.

"You have your orders, I have mine. We will take one of the ships on board. You can have someone from the Republic pick it up later. Once we arrive on Ackertan we won't be using it anymore."

"And how would you get off the planet?" he questioned.

"I'll worry about that later." Her voice was even and authoritative.

"And the kids?" he pressed.

"I'll make sure they stay safe. I can take of them, I always have."

The strain of their indecisiveness was wearing on all of them. That, coupled with the current unknown threat, was eating away at Revan and Carth's patience. Only Juhani seemed to remain calm. And then all of a sudden the situation spiraled out of control.

He couldn't believe what she was saying, what she wanted to do, the danger she was willing to put everyone in. He fought back his anger and instead tried to reason with her. "Rev …" _No, now isn't the time to call her Rev. _Somehow the nickname he had always used to persuade her, comfort her, just didn't seem right.

He stopped and tried again, "Revan, things are not like before, you have two kids to worry about. You cannot be running into dangerous situations, light sabers blaring. It's too dangerous. I _won't_ allow it."

"_YOU won't allow it_?" she spat the words back at him, emphasizing each word, her tone rising.

"This is getting out of hand. I think perhaps you should leave Carth. Revan, you need to control your emotions."

Revan turned her head violently towards the sound. Her words were filled with venom, "Shut the hell up Juhani! Perhaps you are the one who should leave. I don't care about controlling my emotions anymore! I have never been very good at it before, so guess what? I am _done_ trying! I'll go back to what I'm good at – hunting for Sith!" her eyes blazed, causing the Cathar to take a few steps back.

"I will take the kids for something to eat – I hope you are acting more sensible when we return!" She turned her head, nodding briefly, "Good luck Carth." Juhani turned and exited the room, feeling Revan's cold stare on her back.

She watched until Juhani had left, the children going with her. Then Revan whipped her head back to Carth. Her eyes were still blazing but her tone was icy,

"You once said you didn't own or control me. That you were sorry if you ever came across that way. Well, you are doing that _right_ now!"

Carth leaned closer to her, matching her stare and delivering his own icy reply "And YOU said I needed to find another cause for my, let's see, _sad pathetic life_, I believe is how you phrased it."

He stared her directly in the eye, his jaw forming a hard line, "Well, guess what, I HAVE! _Those kids_," he pointed to the other room that was now empty. "And you should know all about how once I get something into my _thick skull, NO ONE _can stop me!"

"You leave them out of this! Who the _HELL_ made them your business!" her hands were flying in frantic gestures as she pointed at him.

He was right in her face now, "_YOU DID! _When you started talking and acting like a stupid, wreckless fool."

The thoughts ran through his head but held back from saying them aloud. _And when you left me to think that they might be MY kids. That you only BELIEVED Malak was their father._

They were both staring hard at each other, neither one wanting to back down. Finally Carth continued,

"Why don't you stop trying to be a fracking Jedi and act like their _damn mother_!"

Her nostrils were flaring, eyes set in a cold fury. He could feel her quick hot breaths as they stood face to face. He couldn't believe she was the same person and was thankful that Juhani had taken the kids to the galley. _I think you went too far this time, Onasi._

But it was too late now.

Revan reached up, roughly grabbing his face in her hands. Then she did the most shocking thing.

She slammed her lips against his, pressing hard. So hard he stumbled back from the ferocity of the kiss. A look of disbelief covered his face.

She simply smirked, a guttural sound coming from her throat before raising her eyebrows, "Afraid I was going to leave without giving you a goodbye kiss?"

"Dammit Woman, if you _even_ _think _about taking one of my ships I'll…"

"You'll what Carth?" She stared at him, challenging him before replying, "Now get the _hell _out of my room."

"NO!" He shouted so loud she thought she felt the ship shudder in response. He walked over to where she stood and gripped her left arm. The pressure from his thumb made her wince.

"You hate me now, don't you?" She raised her eyes questioningly. "Well guess what? I don't care anymore." Her voice turned as she played with his emotions, "I loved Malak, just as much, if not more than I love you. I can't change that and I don't think I would want to. He was twice the man you are!"

Carth actually felt like he wanted to hit her right then. He fought the urge to bring his hand up and strike her. _What the hell is happening? Why was she doing this? _

She could read his thoughts and she didn't care if she was using the force. "Go ahead Carth, DO IT! You know you want to."

He stood there in complete silence. He was staring at the woman he loved but couldn't comprehend any of it. He wanted to leave but his feet would not move. Slowly, he replied with the only thought that had been screaming in his head, "I don't know you anymore."

"No, you don't." she replied before leaving the room.

--------------------------------

The scout smiled as he returned to his quarters. He had only listened briefly to the exchange, afraid of being discovered, but he had heard enough.

He had known the Cathar that rescued him was a Jedi the moment she had tried to force heal him. Since being on the ship he had felt other small things in the force, but the one that had caused him to leave his room had just recently happened.

He had felt pure hatred flowing and his curiosity had caused him to take the chance. He was now glad that he had. _She is the one. My Lord was right. Lord Malak, you would have been pleased, everything is proceeding as you had foreseen.. _He laughed uncontrollably and had to stop as he felt the ship lurch from his force.

He reached for his wristband and entered another message. Now all he had to do was sit and wait for his next orders.

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Revan had initially headed towards the galley but decided against it. She didn't want to face the children right now. Didn't want to see Juhani.

Instead she moved to the cargo hold, figuring no one would bother her there. _Why did I say those things? How could I have been so awful! I just wanted to keep pushing him until he finally admitted how he truly felt. Why couldn't I stop? Force, what is wrong with me?_

And then she remembered….

_They stood together on the deck, Revan's hand was brushing up and down his arm. The ongoing war was visible outside the huge viewports. The battle was at its turning point. The Mandalorians were winning._

"_Malak, it is time."_

"_Are you sure Revan? Have you thought about what this will mean?"_

_She laughed at the absurdity of his words. "I find your lack of faith disturbing. Do you have regrets Malak?"_

_He turned to her, bringing her into his arms, "Never, I just want to make sure you know what you are doing."_

"_You wonder if I know what I am doing? She asked sarcastically. "Don't be stupid Malak, of course I know what I am doing." She looked at him, her eyes narrowed, "Do you question me?"_

"_No, never."_

"_But you have doubts, don't you?" she purred._

_He nodded, "This will dominate our destiny."_

"_Fool, everything we have done has dominated our destiny!" Her voice turned cold as she moved away from his hold. "How do you really feel Malak? Are you afraid you will hate me? Do you hate me?"_

"_No, never. I will follow you always. I will love you until the end of the galaxy."_

_She laughed, "Or to the beginning of it, to the beginning of OUR galaxy. Do it Malak, send the order. Prove to me that you don't hate me. That you won't be able to hate me, because you will be the one who makes the choice."_

"_As you wish." He turned from her, moving to the troops in the command center. "Send the orders, it is time. Initiate the Mass Shadow Generator."_

Revan gripped her head frantically, shaking it back and forth, trying to remove the memories from her mind. "Noooooo" she cried, "Nooooooooooooooooo."


	3. Malaks Gift

Juhani saw Carth enter the galley and immediately knew his conversation with Revan had gone bad. He looked completely, utterly miserable.

Still, he managed to smile at the children as he took a seat across from them. "Are you two almost finished?"

They nodded at him.

"Well, I need to fly this ship and I could sure use some help. What do you think, care to help me out?"

Juhani spoke up when the children remained silent, "I think that is a great idea. I am sure your Mother would approve too." Their faces brightened and excitement showed in their eyes.

"Good." Carth rose and moved to the small viewport. He stood there, a faraway glaze in his eyes, while he waited for the children to finish.

Juhani moved to stand silently beside him. They both stood staring out the viewport as they talked. His voice was quiet, defeated. "Talk to her Juhani, I can't. I feel like I don't even know her anymore, maybe I never did."

"Just give her some time Carth. She has been through a lot."

"So have I, Juhani. So have I." He paused before he continued. "I am worried about her. She's remembering. She told me she loved Malak, that they were lovers. She said some awful things to me back there."

He plastered a smile on his face as he turned around and looked at the kids, "Ready?"

-------------------------------

The cargo door slip open and he slipped quietly inside. She was sitting in the corner, head resting in between her bent knees, while her arms wrapped around them. He moved over to her quietly, feeling the great turmoil surrounding her.

"Lord Revan" He spoke as his hand moved to rest on her shoulder.

The words jolted Revan and she immediately tried to rise, grabbing for her lightsaber. But the feeling of his hand made her stop. She felt the waves of energy flowing from it, from him. It was filling her with a calmness that she longed for. So instead she just looked up at him.

"Who are you? What do you want from me?"

"I want to help you."

Confusion surrounded her but she felt no urge to strike at him. _Force, what is wrong with me? Why am I not fighting back? _

She just sat there, feeling his power flow into her body. "You are a Dark Jedi?"

"Among other things. More importantly, I am the one who can help you remember, just as Lord Malak wanted to. It was his last gift to you."

She could feel the slow change as the power and calmness he had been sending turned and twisted within her. She felt it reaching into every corner, wrapping itself around everything it touched. And then ... another memory came flashing into her mind.

_Malak stood watching her as she stared out at the massive fleet. _

"_What do you want now?" she asked, irritation flowing undisguised._

"_Are you not pleased with the progress of the Star Forge?" He asked. _

_She glared at him as she gave her biting reply, "The Star Forge?" she sighed as she moved closer to him, "When Malak, when will you realize that the Star Forge is not our ultimate goal? It is merely a means to acquire our ultimate power against the Jedi, against the Republic, against the galaxy."_

_She dismissed him with a wave of her hand, "I grow tired of how small you think!"_

_He remained in the room, moving towards her "Perhaps if you would tell me more, let us know what you are planning."_

"_Oh, you are a foolish one Malak. The knowledge I hold is not to be shared with anyone. Not even you."_

"_But Revan, we are in this together. WE decided this together…" he stopped as he felt the pain course through his body._

"_We? WE?" She enjoyed watching him writhe on the floor before she continued, "Do not EVER think that just because we are lovers it gives you the right to question or make demands on me!"_

_She let him go, sending him flying with a final force push. "Think upon your words more carefully next time, or they may be the last ones that come from your mouth!"_

The calmness and power he had been giving her quietly stopped. It coursed through her as it turned into a leech. She felt his force swirl within her body as it slowly began to wrap around her mind.

"Now, I shall see what you have already remembered." He smiled to himself, _And how much longer we will have to wait to find out your secrets. _

By the time she realized what was happening it was too late.

He slowly started pulling his energy back. Little by little it left her body, surging into his. It sucked everything it could from her. Everything it had wrapped itself around came with it. It flowed back, bringing all her memories to him, along with some of her essence, as he stood there grinning.

He could feel the anger and hatred swirling around her now. And surprisingly it was stronger than ever. He watched, reaching out to feed off of and feel every sensation until she finally collapsed.

"Interesting" he said, as he slowly turned around and exited the cargo hold.


	4. Lost

Juhani waited in the galley for a few minutes after Carth and the children had left. She thought perhaps that Revan would come there, but as the minutes wore on she gave up hope and left in search of her. Carth's silent plea kept echoing in her head and she realized things were terribly amiss. _He had never sounded so worried, so hopeless. Not even back on Coruscant after Revan had left._

She searched through all of the main level crew quarters before turning her attention to the sublevel rooms. The empty halls mirrored her success. The ship was too big, too many places to get lost, to hide. As the hours passed she thought about using the force to find her but decided against it. _Not until we know the extent of the threat against the Jedi. She'll have to return to her room sometime._

Juhani had been shocked when Carth told her that Revan was remembering her past. _Force, why didn't she tell me? Did the Council know, had they known? Force, we could certainly use their wisdom right now. _

She moved to the cockpit, shaking her head at Carth, letting him know that she had not found her.

"I slowed down the ship but we are still heading towards Coruscant. We will have to decide soon." He gave her a grave look.

Juhani nodded as he slipped away from the children and moved towards her. He spoke quietly so they would not overhear, "I also had the droids install tracking devices and security codes on our remaining ships. Just in case…"

"Will that be enough?" Juhani asked, realizing that Carth was worried about Revan secretly leaving.

"Probably not, if she is determined." He replied, defeat in his voice. "But it will slow her down and we will at least know where she goes initially."

Juhani face grew as concerned as his as she moved towards the children. "Did Commodore Onasi teach you how to fly a ship?"

"Carth, I told them to call me Carth." He interjected, "And I do believe we have some upcoming Jedi pilots among us." He gave them a wink.

Juhani exited with the children and headed back towards their room. She was disappointed to see that Revan had not yet returned.

"Where's Ma'ma?" Ariana inquired as they slipped into their beds.

"She will be back soon, now get some rest." Juhani replied, her voice having more confidence then she felt.

-------

Revan slowly made her way down the hall, the eeriness of the ship silently tormenting her. She knew it was later then she realized when she entered her quarters. The children were already asleep while Juhani dozed on Revan's cot. _Was I gone that long? _

She shook the Cathar awake and gestured to the other room as she tried to remember. She knew she had gone to the cargo hold, knew she had experienced another memory. She also remembered feeling distressed. And then … _Then what? _… She couldn't remember. _Dammit, I am regaining my past but I cannot even remember what is happening in the present!_

She entered the adjoining room and could immediately feel the anger from her recent confrontation with Carth. It still permeated the walls.

Revan quickly felt more distraught as she thought about what she had said and how she had acted. Her shoulders slumped and she felt defeated. Even more so then she already did. She moved to the small mirror on the side table and stood staring at herself. _Force, I look as harrowing as I feel. What the hell is wrong with me? _

She was standing like that when Juhani entered. _Force, she looks as awful as she had back at the Jedi Temple four years ago. Maybe worse. _Juhani stared at her, taking in the worn and exhausted appearance of Revan. _Definitely worse._

Revan's words came out weak, "Juhani, I do not know what is happening to me. Ever since I left Malachor … I have been unable to control my emotions. They are getting stronger. I feel so angry. I feel so afraid."

Juhani replied, falling back to the only thing she could think of, as she moved further into the room. "Fear is the path to the dark side Revan: fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering"

"Dammit Juhani, don't you think I know that!" Revan lashed out. Her mood shift happened so quick. It took them both by surprise. Waves of anger flowed from Revan as she scowled at her. Uneasiness drifted between them.

Recovering, Juhani inquired, "Carth said you are remembering your past?" She waited, but continued when Revan didn't reply. "You should have spoken to the Council."

Regret, not anger, played in her reply, as she sank deeper within herself, "Well, it is too late now isn't it?" She moved closer to Juhani, her voice coming in a desperate whisper, "I do not know what is real anymore. How I feel, what…" Everything shifted and Revan finished with an irritating and cold voice, "What those Jedi scum have done to me!"

Conflict and confusion surrounded her as an inner battle raged deep inside. Revan was fighting to understand reality, to remember what memories were from the present and what were from the distant past. It was all swirling around in her head and she could not put them into an orderly fashion.

_He knows something! _

She shook her head, trying to make sense of her thoughts, _Who knows? Carth, Malak? _

_No, Malak is from my past, Carth is …_

Her mind wasn't clear, she didn't understand anything as she wrestled with her thoughts.

_He gave you something, but he also took something from you._

_Who did? _

_Carth? Malak?_

_No. The scout, but he is not a scout, he is a Dark Jedi._

_Who is a Dark Jedi? I don't remember._

_YES, yes you do…and you remember what he also gave you, as he took away from you._

_Noooooooo, that isn't reality. I don't remember._

Juhani tried to remain composed as she felt great emotions flying around her friend. She looked lost, so lost and Juhani did not know what to do, how to help. "Come Revan, let us meditate. Then, we need to make some decisions."

Defeat was back as Revan replied, "Fine, but not here, I don't want Aaron or Ariana to … " _Is that real? Are they real? _Her thoughts were messed up. She did not understand anything as her mind continued to fight with itself.

_Yes, yes they are real. _

_Are you sure? _

_Yes, No. I think so._

They moved to down the hall, entering one of the empty rooms. Revan quietly lowered herself to the floor as a lone tear trickled down her cheek. Her mind was still racing as her thoughts battled within.

_Do not do this Revan, it is what he wants._

_WHAT WHO wants?_

_If you do this you will have no one to blame but yourself._

_What do you mean? Dammit, leave me alone! Go away, I want to go away. I want everything to go away._

_Don't leave Revan, you have to stay._

_No, I want to get away. I HAVE to get away._

_No_

_Yes_

_no _

_YES! …_


	5. Plans

_AN: To those that have followed the original story, this explains a bit of what occurred and is occurring. To those that have not read the original story, I hope this explains some things, without leaving too much confusion!_

_Yes, this was a VERY quick update so enjoi, I'm not sure how quickly the rest will follow ;) Thanks for all the reviews, I enjoy hearing how you react to what is occuring in the story. Iit means a lot and keeps encouraging me to update ASAP! And now, without further ado, I present the next Chapter….._

_-------------------------------------------------_

The scout moved down the hall, knowing it was time to carry out the final phase of his plans. He let himself reach out so he could touch another glimpse of what was happening. Oh, he reveled in it. Yes, yes, it was time. Everything was perfect!

He thought back to how everything had worked out. Better then he, or even Lord Malak, could have ever imagined.

_Bypassing Republic security had been the easy part. The original plan had only been to find out what the other, inferior, dark faction was up to. He had done that, sacrificing the pathetic, loyal republic scout in order to remain undetected by Darth Sion. _

_What a disgusting group, he though. They know nothing. They should have followed Lord Malak's plan – they are weakened while we grow stronger. Stupid fools, they will be their own demise, if the Jedi or Republic do not get to them first. They will fall soon enough as WE rise to become Rulers of the Galaxy. **We** have a plan, one set in motion by Dark Lord Malak, and they just have blind stupidity!_

_He never expected anyone from the republic to come and rescue him from Malachor. He was simply going to take one of the ships and meet up with his own faction, the one that had served under Darth Malak and was now led by Darth Gnillihs. But when he had felt her searching for him, through the force, he began to think of how pleased his Master would be if he returned with a Jedi. _

_He needed some time, so he blocked himself from her as he searched for the snow beast that would provide him with the cover for his story. His growing excitement had nearly killed the beast before he gave it a chance to injure him. Slowly moving towards the rock that would make it look like he had sought shelter, he let her sense his prescence. Then he sat back and waited._

_For just a moment he thought he might have to kill her, leaving him to only bringing back a dead Jedi to his Master. But his gentle persuasion, as he rested his hand on her, had gone undetected and convinced her to delay the message to the Commodore. _

_He recalled the feeling that had told him to wait, as the fleet he had been scheduled to join with arrived. He was glad he had listened to the echoing sound in the force as he heard the Jedi, Juhani, address the Commodore by his first name. _

_He quietly sent a message to the ships as he wondered what new fortune he had stumbled upon. "Do not attack or expect me to join with you just yet, I have some unfinished business."_

_He did not have to wait long, after docking with the Fore Runner he immediately sensed more Jedi on the large craft. _

_And oh! What a great discovery he had made indeed. _

_The former Dark Lord was here, on this ship! The one they had been searching for since she had defeated Lord Malak. Even before then actually, once Lord Malak had realized she was still alive. _

_It kept getting better as he realized the younglings were her own children. His new Master had been most pleased with his last report. And now, he had even greater things to share with him. Oh, when his master heard this new revelation ... Muhahahahahahaha!_

The memories he had brought forth from her, the anger and hatred he had felt, he knew without any doubt, it must be true, what he was thinking. _Lord Malak, things are even better then you could have foreseen! _Excitement and anticipation flowed through him.

Yes, the growing conflict within Revan was growing stronger. It was only a matter of time… Soon all her plans would reveal themselves and then they would have **_her_** back to carry them out! _I will be by her side, I will be her new apprentice when she learns that I am the one who helped make all this possible, the one who helped bring her back! _He salivated at the thought as he quietly slipped into the room.

_Lord Malak, we didn't need her memories! Oh, if you would have only known how close you already were._

-----------------------------

Juhani was extremely worried about Revan now. Something was wrong and she could feel, even without the force, a great struggle going on within her. She had seemed so fragile after her return to the room, something Juhani had never imaged she would feel from Revan. After their meditation Revan had been even worse. She seemed so distant, so removed, just a shell of her former self. Juhani had no idea what was happening to her fellow Jedi but she knew it was imperative that she find out. _We need to find a council member, someone, anyone._

-------------------------------

Carth was still sitting awake at his desk, pondering their current situation, when the pair arrived. He let them in and was immediately taken aback by the helpless form that was the woman he loved.

Her eyes were sunken and stared out without any comprehension. The once beautiful complexion was now pale and provided an eerie contrast to her sunken eyes. Her entire stance had changed and she look so fragile. _Oh Force, what the hell is wrong?_

He wanted to ask a million questions but was silenced when Juhani spoke, "We will return to Coruscant. Perhaps we can find information on where some of the council members have gone."

The implication of her words told him everything. _She doesn't even know what is wrong! Force, how the hell are we going to find Jedi Masters who do not want to be found. Revan, oh force, what is happening!_

"I'll get right on it." He replied, passing another worried glance towards Revan as he quickly moved out of the room.


	6. Failure

Carth went rushing towards the cockpit, intent on making a fast hyperspace jump towards Coruscant. His boots hit the metal floor sending a hollow clanking sound reverberating down the hall. The sounds grew further apart as his pace quickened.

_She looked absolutely awful, what the force is going on? _He had wanted to speak to Revan, ask Juhani about her, but realized there would be time for that _after_ he made the jump. He couldn't fight off the growing trepidation that had been nagging at him all day.

Suddenly he stopped his frantic rush and took a few steps back. He peered into the small room, searching for what had caught his attention. He had passed by the open door in less than a second but something had brought him back.

His eyes rested on the central computer that dominated the room, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The machine was humming and the information that was being processed cascaded down the view screen. And then it caught his attention once again. He turned his gaze to the right corner of the room, where a single red light was slowly flashing. :blink: _What the hell?_ :blink:

He moved to the keypad, punching in the orders for a complete diagnosic on the systems, before moving towards the red light. He knew the light meant that there was an external door open somewhere. He just needed to wait for the computer to finish running its check before he could determine which one. He began looking over all the switches and gauges in the room to ensure everything was in order. _Perhaps one of the kids had come in here… Right Onasi, you know better then that. _He knew what his gut was telling him but he was trying to avoid jumping to conclusions.

He moved back towards the screen to see if the system rundown was finished. His brows knit and displeasure covered his face as he read through the first few lines on the screen.

_Diagnostic initiated._

_Please wait while system is backed up._

_System is backing up ……………_

_Error: Code does not match_

_Diagnostic terminating_

_System shutting down in 3 minutes._

_Please reenter correct password to prevent lockdown._

He quickly moved to the controls, punching in his code.

_Error: Code does not match_

_Please reenter correct password to prevent lockdown._

_2 minutes remaining. _

_Please enter password to avoid system failure._

He tried frantically to override the code but, try after try, it didn't respond. _What the force! Someone overrode the entire system! Not someone, the fracking scout. He is the only one it could have been. Dammit Onasi, Revan was right!_

The robotic voice sounded throughout the entire starship: "Warning: System Failure. Lockdown mode initiated. Please enter password to reactivate. All systems are non operational. Warning: System Failure. Lockdown mode…"

Carth was furiously trying to prevent the lockdown but he knew it was futile. Still, he had to try. He moved back and forth, flipping switches, reading gauges and pressing buttons as fast as he could, but nothing was working.

He heard the robotic voice growing louder as, one by one, the various systems began shutting down. The familiar hum they had always emitted ceased, just as they did, and an eerie silence settled over the ship. Carth could feel the ship slowing down and within five minutes everything was silent and they were no longer moving. His frustration was making him feel slaphappy as he ran a hand through his hair thinking, _Unbelievable, I'm a sitting gizka once again._

He took a few moments to compose his thoughts and decide what he needed to do. Three things needed to be done all at once and he needed to decide which to do first.

_Find the droids, get the system back up – that can wait._

_The Scout, what threat does he pose to us? I need to find him … but dammit, I could use some help. _

_I need to let Revan and Juhani know. Aaron, Ariana – they can protect them, but if they don't know, Force!_

Decision made, he went flying down the corridor to Revan's room. He never realized how much noise the ship had drowned out.

Before he even arrived he knew something was wrong. Carth was afraid of what he would discover. His stomach turned and he thought he would be sick from the apprehension that filled him. He knew it had to be something really bad as he heard their voices. Juhani was frantically trying to calm Revan, a screaming Revan. His mind raced with a million awful thoughts of what could have happened, but none of them were even close to what he found when he entered the room.

-------------------

While the events on the ship were transpiring, Revan still wrestled with herself. She believed she was truly going mad now, loosing her mind. Nothing seemed real. As she had walked down the hall with Juhani, it was as if she was looking through a fog. It did not matter anyway though, her eyes could not focus long on anything and she felt herself slipping away.

Her inner battle was confusing her more then it was helping and it constantly distracted her from what was going on around her. When she tried to focus, it would just get lost in her mind and she wouldn't know if it was real or not. She did not know if it was a memory or something that was currently happening. Time was insignificant as her past and present held no meaning. She wanted it all to stop.

_This is what he wanted._

_What who wanted?_

_You have to remember._

_But I can't – _

_You must._

_"Noooo" I don't want any more memories. _

_You have to remember, it is the only way you can save them now._

_Save who?_

_Think, remember. Stay with me, don't give up._

"This is not real" she screamed out as her eyes briefly fell on a frantic woman. Her mouth was moving but Revan could hear no sound coming from it.

She couldn't focus. She couldn't make sense of anything. "Leave me alone!" _This isn't real._

_Yes, it is._

"Noooooooo" she cried out again, grabbing her head and shaking it violently. She had to make it stop, she could not stand it any longer.

The battle finally ended and all was quiet within her as she shut out everything and let her mind go blank.


	7. Gone

Carth's eyes scanned the room, looking for what might have caused the distressed voices. _No blood, no dead scout, no lifeless small bodies. _And then his eyes caught sight of Revan.

She was shaking her head uncontrollably and then, just as suddenly, she went limp. At first he thought she had passed out, but then he noticed the blank stare coming from her. He wanted to rush over to her, but Juhani's words cut through the sudden stillness.

"Aaron and Ariana are missing!"

He turned immediately around and went flying back down the hall, yelling "Docking Bay" as he ran.

_That's what the hell the flashing light was, one of the ships is gone! Dammit! And why the hell was Revan acting like that! The woman I know would be running down the hall with me, ready to tear the scout apart._

Carth found the pile of droids, what was left of them anyway, as he made his way towards the bay. Immediately he saw the open door through the glassine view. His eyes moved over the room, coming to rest on the empty spot where a ship should have been. His worst suspicion had been confirmed.

He stretched his body into the small hold so he could manually close the door before entering the bay. He jumped onto the lower landing, avoiding the steps entirely, as he rushed towards the empty slip. He looked everywhere for a clue but the room held no secrets. _Force, he took them! Who was he and why would he take the kids? __And what the hell is wrong with Revan!_

He left the room, moving with determination towards the Scouts quarters. He took extreme care as he searched, but it did not matter, there was nothing to be found. Everything was gone, there was no trace he had ever been there. Guilt and helplessness flowed from Carth as he thoroughly searched and researched. Looking for something, anything. Hours later he returned to Revan's room.

"They're gone" he muttered. _And they're not the only ones, _he thought, as he noticed Revan lying in a catatonic state.

He looked immediately to Juhani, his eyes questioning, as she answered, "I do not know, she was pretty incoherent before, but now… I think she is shutting herself off from her memories, from reality. A defence against what is - "

Carth's anger came out, "Did you not feel anything? Did you not sense _anything_! Dammit, you are a Jedi!" He moved over to Revan, kneeling down on the floor as he rested his elbows on the edge of the bed. "Revan?" She just layed there not responding. He reached out for her hand and held it in his as Juhani spoke.

"Carth, we have all been blocking the force. And everything has been so quiet. We just assumed it was from everyone tuning out." Juhani stopped, realizing her excuses sounded lame.

"Well, that's reassuring!" _Revan, what the hell is wrong with you? _"Juhani, the droids are useless buckets of bolts and I can't get the central computer back up." He didn't add the other points, that the children had been kidnapped and Revan was lying there useless and unresponsive. He bent down, kissing the top of Revan's hand, giving it a reassuring grip before rising to face Juhani.

"We need to find them, somehow."

"We still have one ship left." She replied, trying to avoid the hopelessness of the situation.

"Yeah, but it's too small for all of us and completely defenseless, you should know that." His irritation apparent. _As defenseless as this ship too Onasi._

"Then I will go, gather information. I will use the force, it is our only chance." Juhani stated flatly.

_How the hell did this mission go so wrong? How could I have been so wrong! I should never have taken this mission. Dammit though, I found Revan, that has to count for something. Yeah, you found her, but now she is lost again, good job Onasi! Force, I've been out of practice for too long, and now, it has put everyone in danger. _

"I don't even know if the ship is still operational. It could be a trap. He's done some pretty clever programming in the computers." He admitted.

"We have no other choice. I'll have to take that chance. There could not have been much time. We were only gone for a short time..."

"And he had all day to plan this!" _While I concerned myself with my personal issues._

"Carth, you are forgetting that you had the ships equipped just a short time ago, there was simply not enough time. Stay here, try to get through to Revan. Your love sustained her once. It has been her driving force all these years, that I am sure of. If anyone can get through to her, it is you." She turned to leave.

Carth grabbed her wrist, "Wait Juhani. There's something I need to know." He let go of his hold when she paused. "Aaron, Ariana… I have to know, are they… could they be…" his voice trailed off.

"I do not know Carth and neither does Revan. She did not want to know. It would have made whatever she had to do, either way, even harder." With that she left the room, heading towards the remaining shuttle.

His mind reeled as he followed, _She didn't want to know? What the hell does that mean? Make what harder?_


	8. Waiting

Juhani tried not to think of the dangers she might be asking for, as she used the force to guide her shuttle to its destination. She had not bothered to ask Carth where they were, or what planets might be near them, as she left the _Fore Runner. _Whatever planet she ended up on would be new to her, she would have no knowledge of its inhabitants or where in the galaxy it was located.

----------------

Carth was trying but Revan was still comatose. Occassionally he thought he saw something in her eyes, but it left as soon as it arrived. Her color was coming back and he grasped at any small thing to convince himself that she was not lost forever, but it was hard. So hard to keep talking to her when she did not respond.

He couldn't stand feeling helpless, so he filled his other time trying to repair the droids. His repeated attempts at hacking into the computer system were worthless. He had begun to worry that he was doing more damage then good, so he gave up and concentrated on the droids, and Revan…

"I brought you some food, beautiful. Come on, you need to eat something." He said as he entered. Nothing.

"I don't know where you have gone, but we need you back. Aaron, Ariana, they need you now."

He fought back tears. _It was easier on the Ebon Hawk, without all these emotions. No wonder the Jedi frown on love._

"I am sorry I judged you. You are a good mother, the kids are wonderful. You know what they said to me in the cockpit…"

He went on speaking, talking to her as if she were standing right next to him. He had to believe she heard him.

---------------

"Revan, I love you. I'm sorry I acted so pig-headed…"

-------------------

"I think I made a break-through with the droids, almost cut my arm off in the process but, hey, it's all good if I can get them fixed, right?..."

----------------------

"Look, enough of this alright! I can't find them without you…"

-------------------------

"Juhani should be back soon. You'll need to be ready. Come on beautiful…"

-----------------------------

After landing at a semi-remote spot on the planet, Juhani had quickly tried to find out information. Local cantinas were always the place to try first and her Jedi senses did not fail her.

The smoke filled room and loud voices told her that it would only be a matter of time before someone slipped up. She moved towards the bar, ordering a common drink, as she sat and waited.

"So, what goes on around here?" she asked the barkeep.

"Not much, pazaak games, drinks, rowdy crowds. Same as any other planet." He replied, moving away from her without another glance.

She swiveled around in her seat and looked around the room, trying to see who might be knowledgable enough to take a chance on force persuading. No one seemed to fit the bill, so she ordered another drink and waited.

The night wore on but any new faces that entered didn't catch her interest. Seven brawls and three days later she was still not having much luck.

_I am loosing precious time. Perhaps I should try another cantina. No, I must be patient._

And then it finally paid off. A small group, that she had not given a second glance to earlier, suddenly caught her interest. Five people had been sitting around the small table. She had assumed they were close friends from the proximity of their seating arrangement.

The change happened so quick that at first she thought it had not happened. But the more she thought about it, she realized that the original alien face she had registered in her mind had shifted, ever so quickly, into the face of the scout. She grabbed her drink and moved closer to the group, tuning herself into the force without actually touching it. And then she listened.

"The time is now to decide where your loyalties lie." The alien scout replied.

"And you say you have discovered the secret?" one of the group asked.

"YES, among other things. We will have our reign of power, but you must decide."

"Why should we trust you, no one cares what Lord Malak was after." Another inserted.

"I have wasted enough time. I will be the new apprentice, after what I have discovered comes to pass." He rose to leave.

"No, wait. Perhaps if you tell us more." It was the original one, a huge being, weighing almost three times what Juhani did. His voice was gruff and held a commanding tone.

"I am not stupid, I will tell you no more." The changed scout replied.

"IF what you say is true, then I will arrange it. But we need to hear more."

"Iditot, I do not need you anymore! I only offered because you are the one who led me to this path of discovery. My proxy with you ends here."

The huge being glanced around the room, bringing his fist upon the table first. "Let us go, just you and I."

They rose and left the cantina while Juhani followed quietly behind, stealthed and prepared for anything.


	9. Forgiveness

Carth entered the room once again, keeping his words upbeat, "You know, I only have a few of these stims left. Soon you are going to have to get up. Eat and drink something on your own…" Still nothing.

-------------------

Carth was frustrated. His progress with the droids was at a standstill and Revan was just the same. He let go of his gentle tones and tried another tactic with her.

"Dammit woman, enough already!..." Nothing.

-------------------------

"Revan, dammit…"

---------------------------

Frustration and defeat began to take its toll and Carth found himself pleading for her to listen to him, to acknowledge him, to respond, "I need you, you have to come back, from where ever you have gone. I can't do this alone…."

------------------------------

Three times Juhani had to slip away from the pair and reactivate her shield. She was afraid she would loose them but was more afraid of using her force power to hide her prescence. She would only rely on her force powers if the stealth shield that Canderous had, long ago, handed out to the crew of the _Ebon Hawk_, failed. She had another as back up, thanks to Carth, but the journey had caused her to use up more of the shield then she liked.

Finally, after winding around dark alleys and less then hospitable places for close to an hour, the pair stopped. A ship loomed in the distance and Juhani immediately knew it was part of the plan. _I am going to have to make a decision soon, which one to follow. I only hope it will be the right one. _

She moved her body towards the ship. _Thank the force I met that nefarious merchant at the cantina and actually purchased some items from him. _It really did not matter now that the only reason she had looked at his wares was because she thought she might gain information from him. The tracking devices she had purchased, along with an order for a superior splicing droid and other irrelevant items, would definitely come in handy. _At least I will know where the ship goes, if something goes wrong. _

Slipping around behind the shadow of the vessel she sent a transmission to Carth, in the hopes that he had been able to get the _Fore Runner_ functioning again. And if not, at least he might eventually get the message, in case something happened to prevent her from returning. Moving back, after installing the tracking device underneath the starcraft, she listened intently to the pair.

"I need the lab set up as quickly as possible. Here is what I require" the scout handed the large brute a datapad. "The location that I have already secured, along with the required documentation to allow you entrance, is also on the datapad. Do not fail me. I expect everything ready when I return after my meeting with Darth Gnillihs. They are already working on adequate chambers for the children, since they are an absolute must when I return with them. I do not want anyone to be able to sense them through the force and I trust you to make certain of this. Do you understand? There is no room for ineptness from this point forward."

"I understand." The brute replied, but was not resigning himself to being the scout's subordinant. "I am risking a lot and you still have not told me much. IF you are wrong, it will be your last mistake."

The scout grinned, "In time all will be revealed. For now, you know as much as necessary. And if _you fail me_ it will, most assuredly, be _your _last mistake!"

With that, the brute moved off towards the ship. The grey-green of his skin glowing from the three moons that surrounded the unknown planet. It made him look even bigger then he already was. The horns protruding from his arms were casting an eerie shadow upon the ground where he walked.

Juhani had a split second to decide who to follow. Each one held information she needed and she was torn about which path to pursue. Falling back to what she trusted, she let the force guide her. She let go of her own thoughts and let it guide her to the decision. She would follow the scout.

"Wait!" the scout roared. The brute paused in his path, turning around. Juhani felt a shiver run up her spine as she silently berated herself for using the force so close to them. She held her breath, hand resting on her lightsaber and waited to see if she had been discovered.

-------------------------------

Carth gazed upon her, fighting off everything about their current situation and just concentrated on her. "Rev, we have come a long way. You are no longer a neophyte padawan and I am no longer afraid to tell you how I feel."

He moved his hand up to her face, brushing her cheek with his thumb, "I love you beautiful, force do I love you." He leaned in and kissed her gently, "Please come back."

His hand moved to stroke her hair, bringing it back to cradle her head as he leaned close to her ear and whispered, "I love you. With everything I have, I love you. And I forgive you, for everything, just please, please, come back."


	10. Just Waiting for You

"What?" the brute questioned after hearing the scout order him to stop.

The scout held up a hand and searched through the force. He had felt something, yes, he had felt something. He searched for the prescence that had brought about his concern.

-------

Juhani slid away from the force as much as possible, but she did not want to let go of everything. She would need it, if the scout discovered her. She concentrated and became as small as she possibly could, hoping it was enough.

After what seemed like hours the scout finally scowled, "Carry on, but scan the ship for anyone who may be using a cloaking device first."

Juhani breathed a silent sigh of relief, at least he did not say to scan the ship for any tracking devices. She moved along quietly behind him as he began walking down the dark alley.

_I know you are here._

She heard the voice and was startled, but kept her calm. She would not appease him. Only a powerful force user would have been able to sense her miniscule presence in the force and she had to believe that he was just trying to call her bluff. She followed along, regretting that her shield would need to be reactivated soon.

_It does not matter, there is nothing you can do, everything has already been set in motion.. _Again she ignored the voice she was hearing.

----------------------------

Carth finally managed to get one of the droids functioning, sort of, it had made a whirling sound. He was excited and moved down the hall, glad to have something new to say to Revan.

"Hey, guess what gorgeous?"

He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw her eyes focus on him. Rushing over to her side he grabbed her arm, "Hey there, good to see you up instead of lying there _not_ thrashing about." He grinned at her, as he both thought, _Cut it out with the humor Onasi,_ and answered himself,_ I'm trying, but I am just too damn relieved!_

She looked confused and he continued, "I'm Carth, Carth Onasi. The Republic solider who loves you, do you remember?" _Talk to me Revan, talk to me._

"Carth" she reached out with the hand that was not stuck in his grasp. As she touched his face she spoke, "Is it true?"

He bowed his head, "Yeah. I am sorry. I should have listened to you." He looked back up, staring into her eyes, "But we'll find them, I promise you that. We will find them." _I mean it!_

She rolled over, pulling her hand from him and sobbed softly. He gently lowered himself next to her, pulling her into his hold. "It's okay, we'll find them." He held her like that for hours, the closeness of their bodies quietly comforting one another. He slowly realized that he liked the stronger Revan, as opposed to this one, that made him feel so helpless.

He stroked her hair and whispered reassuring words to her, fearful that he might lose her again. He could feel the tears that were now absent from her outward appearance and he shed some of those silent tears himself. _She is in so much pain and I do not know what to do. _

The more he layed there, holding her in his grip, the more determined he felt. He tried to send all his determination to her as he pulled her in closer to him. His arms were wrapped around her tightly and he was afraid of letting go, afraid she would slip away again if he did.

And then, suddenly, she moved to stand up. Jumping from the bed as if the past few hours had not even happened. She stood with a calm confidence that reminded him of the days upon the _Ebon Hawk_.

It was more then he had ever hoped for, and althought he was shocked at the dramatic change as she stated, "What are we waiting for?" he could not help the feeling of pure elation that overcame him.

He grinned at her, _That's my girl. _

Relief displayed itself across his face, "Just you beautiful, I was just waiting for you."


	11. Realization

_A/N – This chapter is here for all the readers who have been waiting, Oh, so patiently. ;) I hope you enjoy my generosity, since I really did not think it belonged here, but I just know you are all waiting for it :P Everyone else can just move along, lol. Enjoy!_

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Carth moved over to her, unsure of how she would react to him. He rested a hand upon her shoulder, "Everything will be okay." He spoke with a determination he did not feel.

"You, I remember, did you… do you … " she said, unsure of what to say to him as she still tried to piece together everything. For all the closeness they had shared, she had never felt so distant from him. He just did not understand, but there he was. She did not deserve him, he was just a hopeless fool in love.

He moved closer and brought her into an embrace. _Oh force, I forgot how good this felt, how good it was to be in his arms. Carth, I love you, but I can't… _And then, slowly, she realized, underneath all her Jedi training and appearances, she was also a fool in love. She looked at him then, and could no longer mask the love she felt.

Her thoughts were interuppted as he moved a hand up to her chin, raising it towards him, as his lips passed against hers ever so briefly. "I love you Rev. Please do not ever forget that."

She felt a tingle rise up in her, as his lips had brushed against hers. She wanted him to seek out more from that kiss, she could feel an aching within herself, but he didn't. He just pulled her back into his embrace while she was left with a hunger. She had been alone for too long, and now she was even more alone. She wanted comfort, she wanted his comfort and she looked at him with a longing in her eyes before bowing her head in chagrin. _Is it too much to hope for? Perhaps he doesn't forgive me, another false memory._

"Rev, tell me you won't leave again, you won't leave _me_ again." he begged.

His head nuzzled under her downcast face, bringing his lips up to hers as he kissed her with a desire that he had dared not reveal before.

Revan felt a swirling around her as he kissed her, oh so passionately. There was so much in that one kiss that she could not forget it. It spoke of forgiveness, of promise, of strength, of longing. _Oh force, he does, it is true!_

"I promise." She breathed in a shaky voice, trying to put everything she had into conveying how much she meant those words.

She found herself kissing him back with a force she did not know she had.

"Carth" she uttered, bringing her head to rest upon his shoulder. She had forgotten how good he smelled, how comforting he could be. She pressed her body into his, using all her body language to help say the words that finally came without any regret, "Carth, I love you."

A shiver ran up her arms as his hand touched her side. His grasp leaving her a bit breathless as she replied, "I'm sorry, for everything, and I love you. I love you so much. I should never have tried to hide it."

His lips met hers, his body forcing itself even closer to hers, as they found themselves stumbling backwards. Carth recovered, bringing his hands up to rest his open palms against the wall. Pinning her there, as he leaned his face towards her once again.

He was kissing her furiously now, up her neck, before teasing her lips, then moving down her face, to her neck again... "Oh Rev, I wanted to hear you say that, _to mean_ those words, for so long."

Her lips finally caught the ones that had be falling all around her, and she forced his mouth open with a burning desire. He eagerly accepted the invitation, sliding his tongue into her open, waiting mouth.

He moved a hand to run it up her body, finally letting it come rest on the side of her face, as he pulled away from the kiss, "Revan, I love you. Don't ever leave me again." She arched her body, begging for another kiss, "Carth, never again…" her words were cut short when his lips found hers once again.

He grabbed her into his hold, swinging her around, as he guided them over towards the bed. He gently lowered her down as his hands began undoing the robes that covered her body. He slid the cloth away from her, as the gentle kisses he had been placing on her neck moved down to the bared skin before him. "Rev, oh Rev, I have missed you. I want you forever" he murmured. She grabbed his head, guiding it down her body …


	12. Revelation

Three moons were hanging above the planet but the tall storage units on either side of Juhani and the Scout hid any opportunity for light to enter. They moved down the dark alleyway, the silence stretching before them as they continued their journey.

Juhani's confidence was slowly being eroded as their steps were the only motion in the silent darkness. _I need to re-activate my shield soon, this is my best opportunity. There is only a straight path for now, I will not lose him. _Her eyes tried to cut through the darkness as she looked around for some thing to duck behind. They came to rest on a stack of crates sitting outside a unit only a short distance ahead.

Her pace slowed as they drew closer to the spot she had signaled out. _I'm still not falling behind by much, did he slow his pace down too?_ She took a few more carefully timed steps while watching the Scout's feet. His left foot came down and she waited for the other to follow. Confusion was quickly replaced by awareness as his other foot refused to follow the pattern. Instead, his forward movement stopped and he quickly pivoted around.

Sparks flew from his fingertips, instantly lighting up the alley as they caught Juhani completely off guard. She heard the buzz and fizzle of her shield as it ceased to camouflage her form. She felt the pain shooting through her as the sky was once more brought back to daylight. Moving her hand to her lightsaber, she ignited it and brought it in front of her in one swift movement. Using both her hands to steady the saber, she held off the lightning as sweat began to drip down her face, despite the coolness of the planet.

His voice shattered through the crackle and hiss of their standoff, "Ah, I suspected it was you, but I am afraid I grow tired of your pursuit. You are here for answers, which I will gladly provide, but you must also answer a question for me." His outstretched hand fell back to his side, waiting to see if his invitation would be accepted.

The hiss of the lightsaber ended and he waited for it to be re-sheathed. It came to rest by her side but she made no further move. _Wise, _he thought before deciding to continue.

"There is a high bounty on Jedi these days. Not very smart of you to be using force powers."

"What have you done with the children?" she replied, ignoring his comment.

"I am afraid that answer I cannot give. Besides, you have not answered my question yet." An evil smirk escaped his lips, "Why is it you are here and not their mother?"

"You knew I was a Jedi and that I would follow you. Why did you take them?" she replied.

"Ah, but you have still not answered. Yes, I did expect a Jedi to follow. So I ask again, but my patience is thinning. Why is it you are here and not their _Jedi_ mother?"

"I do not…"

"Think carefully before you answer me with a lie. I am well aware that Lord Revan is their mother."

_He knows, oh force, that is why he took them. And he expected Revan to follow. _"Lord Revan? Malak destroyed her years ago, she no longer exists."

"Are you sure? Actually I think it was the Jedi that destroyed her and Lord Malak who helped to bring her back."

Confusion careened down her face and he delighted in her puzzlement. "Lord Revan is returning, has she not told you that her memories are coming back?"

He watched as Juhani brought her lightsaber up in front her. "That is no way to get answers. Now, are you going to answer my question? This is the last time I will ask."

_What do I do? Should I answer him? _"You seem to know quite a lot already, why do you need me to answer your question?"

"True, I know more than you. Unfortunately, I am not aware of what happened after my," he paused, "sudden, departure from your company." His hand gestured out, giving her one last time to answer him.

"Revan will not turn back to the dark side. And the decision for me to come was the wisest."

A disappointed sigh escaped him, _Oh but she will. _"Wisest? Perhaps because she was bit … debilitated, at the time?

"_You_ did something to her!" Laughter roared from his mouth at her accusation.

She continued, "But why, if you wanted her to follow?"

Composing himself he finally answered, "Haha, I never said I wanted her to follow. I simply asked you why she had not."

"I have answered your question." She shot back at him.

"Not really, but I will appease you, a bit."

A smirk escaped his lips as he gathered his thoughts, deciding how much to tell the Cathar. "My Lord Malak gave Revan a final gift on the Star Forge. He knew she had great plans but she did not share them with anyone. The Jedi gave him a chance to discover them when they erased her memory. He is the reason for her returning memories."

A pause in the conversation gave Juhani time to register the information in her mind.

"A simple implant, a mind restorative implant that he injected into her on the Star Forge, has been slowly knitting her memories back together."

Masking her shock, Juhani lowered her arms, bringing her lightsaber to rest once more by her side.

"It has taken longer than expected, but now I have proof that it is definitely working" His eyes lit up, showing his growing excitement, "In unforeseen ways!" His face flashed as he fought to hold himself back from revealing any further information about the implant.

"Lord Revan will indeed return and her children will be waiting for her when she does." Confidence radiated from his words, "That is the only way she will be able to see them again."

Juhani's body flew back as he sent her flying with a force push before leaving her hovering in a stasis field. "And now, I must go," he replied while slipping away with the aide of his force stealth ability.


	13. Quite the Pod Race

Revan worked on the ship while Carth continued to attempt repairing the droids. Well, just one actually, since the other was being used as 'spare parts'. Her determination to get the ship out of its lock down filled him with a new determination and he was finally making progress.

Her mood swings seemed to be under control, no anger came from her and her color had completely returned. She worked with a quiet resolve. Everything seemed almost … normal.

He did not ask what had happened to her and she didn't mention it. It was fine with him, he would prefer not to think about how close he had come to loosing her, again. How hopeless he had felt as she had been so close but yet so far away. And how his own anguish had nearly ripped him apart. But now she was back and that was all that mattered to him.

"Carth, do you really believe a Republic ship will find us. If this doesn't work out I mean?" she looked up from the open casing of the computer.

His hands kept trying to connect the wires he was working with, "Well, I have to believe in something. I trust the Admiral, even if I don't trust who she sends."

Letting the cords drop, he rose and took a few steps closer to her, "I promised to protect you once. I still mean it. They are great kids and we'll find them." His hand reached out to give her a reassuring grip, trying to convey to her a confidence that he, himself, was lacking.

He hid any doubts he was feeling as he continued, "We found the Star Forge, right? Against all odds. You defeated Malak…" her cringe made him stop.

Closing his eyes, he silently chastised himself, before finishing, "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay Carth." Her eyes looked up at his, "_I'm_ sorry. For everything I said, everything I did, all the pain I have caused you."

Pulling her up to her feet he replied, "Ever think we'll have a normal life?"

The pain filled look she gave him sent a shiver down his spine. Leaning her head into his chest, she quietly pleaded, "Hold me Carth."

He brought his hands around her, kissing the top of her head. _Force Revan, I was only asking in jest, don't get all serious on me. I really do not want to hear the answer!_

"It's okay Rev, everything will be okay." His hand brought her chin up so he could look into her eyes. "I promise" he said brushing a kiss across her lips. His arms tightened their grip as she laid her head back on his chest.

Thoughts of the past week ran through his mind as they stood there:

_I still can't believe that after four years I found her! Her reaction wasn't what I expected though, she really had me worried when she was so cold towards me. Not to mention that I discovered she had, not only one child, but twins! Force, Malak had been her lover and was the father of those children. But then again, I might also be the father … if only she would tell me if that was a possibility. Now they are gone, kidnapped, by someone on MY watch! Add to that, no Jedi are safe, they are being hunted, which includes Revan and the kids. They are practically defenseless without being able to use their force abilities. We still have not heard from Juhani, is that something else that has gone wrong? Wow, and Revan, she turned on me like a terentek, only to loose herself, then find herself once more. And now, here I am, holding her in my arms once again. Force, and I thought the Ebon Hawk trip had been emotional! I'm surprised I haven't gone crazy! Maybe I have? She's right, how the hell can we ever have a normal life! Damn Jedi, always complicating things._

Laughter escaped his lips at his last thought, causing Revan to move her head and give him a quizzical look. His eyes raised in apology, "Sorry, just trying to digest the past week."

Resting her hand back against his chest, she replied, "Quite the pod race, huh?"

A sigh came before his reply, "You could say that."


	14. Are you Mad?

_A/N Not too happy with this chapter but I am anxious to move the story along. I had about 5 different outlines and had written most of this earlier last week, so I went with it. What do you think? Perhaps I should display more Jedi patience. grin_

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The morning sky was casting everything in its path a shade of yellow and orange. Juhani tried to remember the path she had followed just a few hours ago, retracing her steps back to the landing pad of the ship she had installed the tracking device on. She looked for any clues on the empty pad to tell her if her device had been discovered, afraid to activate her monitor too soon.

_He knew I would follow, he wanted me to follow. What other plans does the scout have? Did he not scan for a tracking device on purpose? He was so anxious to tell me those things. I must be careful._

Deciding there was nothing to be found she moved towards the city, hoping the splicing droid she had ordered from the cantina merchant would be ready.

"Do you have the necessary credits?" the merchant inquired.

"Not quite, but I do have a proposition." Juhani replied.

"Credits, that is the only thing I want." He replied smugly.

"How about a trade, a massive republic ship for the droid and a few other items?" she waited, wondering if persuasion might be worth the risk.

"Ah, you have something you wish to get rid of? Is the ship stolen, marked?" he inquired.

"Not quite, no one from the Republic will be looking for it. But I will need another ship, large enough for at least 5 passengers. My transport shuttle would be included in the deal, a down payment, while I use the other craft to collect my passengers from the republic vessel."

"No deal, you want me to give you a better ship while you only leave me with only a shuttle. Too risky."

"Ah, but a risk that would pay you more much than ten-fold what you have invested. You can trust me", she called to the force, hoping it was not a mistake.

"I think I can trust you. What else would you require…"

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They alternated sleep, always waiting for a sign that Juhani was coming back. A signal from a Republic rescue ship. Anything. Minutes stretched into hours. Hours stretched into days.

They both knew they only had a short time left, after that, the ship wouldn't be able to sustain itself. All thoughts of a rescue mission were leaving them. If there had been one it had already been sabotaged.

More memories had been coming back to Revan but she fought them off with a new determination. _I need to concentrate on the now! I cannot be confused! _

The power of the memories didn't seem as strong anymore. They had been at their strongest while the scout was on the ship and she wondered if there was any truth in the observation.

Whenever she thought about the children though, she became an emotional wreck. Carth had been spending more and more time comforting her. _Some Dark Lord I am. Wait, I'm not a Dark Lord any longer._

Frustration overcame her and she threw the tool she had been using across the room. It smacked against the wall making a _ping. _Carth looked up, anticipating another emotional breakdown.

Instead she rose, smoothing her robes and stated, "You deserve to know everything." The implication that this may be the last days of their lives went unsaid.

He nodded, "Thanks, I'd appreciate that."

She moved out of the room walking towards her own. Carth followed quietly behind.

Once in the room she went to Ariana's bed and grabbed the blanket lying on it. She did the same with the cover from Aaron's bed and gripped them both against her as she moved towards her own bed.

She crossed her legs as she sat down atop the bed, pulling the blankets closer to her body. Carth pulled a chair over in front of her as he sat down and waited.

"I thought it was the right to do, when I left. I was ashamed, I didn't think there was anyone I could talk to except the council. I never wanted you to find out. I was already such a burden to you." Carth's mouth opened as he tried to speak but she silenced him, bringing a hand up in front of her and shaking her head.

"And I owed them so much, the Council. I had, have, much to atone for. I did not want my own actions to cause any more suffering to innocent people." Shame crossed her face.

She was trying to speak clearly but it wasn't working. Her thoughts were running together and she was afraid she wasn't making much sense. Her face scrunched "And then there was this prophecy." Tears blurred her vision but she continued, "I was so worried, scared. But it was my responsibility, I had to know…" _If my children were evil. If there was a chance that…_

She took in a breath,_ "_I'm not sure what happened on the Star Forge, it was the reason I did not fight off my memories, initially." She let out the air, speaking in a confused manner, as if trying to understand even as she spoke, "I want to know but at the same time ... I am confusing you, I know." _I am confusing myself. _

She sighed, bringing the blankets closer to her, "My choices, my decisions, have caused this." She held out her hands, as if the blankets were her actual children, as if they explained everything.

Carth rose and tried to speak again, but once more she silenced him as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

He kept quiet but still moved next to her. She turned her head to him, blinking back tears, "Carth, there is a chance. Oh Force, I shouldn't be telling you."

He grabbed her hands in his and she turned her body towards him, the blankets falling loosely around her. She looked at him for a long time, noting the anxiousness in his face.

He was giving her strength, but still, she couldn't find the words. She stretched her legs out on both sides around him, deciding it was time she gathered her courage. Her hands reached out towards his, holding them in her grasp.

"Can you ever forgive me, if it is true." She stopped again, looking down and then back up at him. "Carth, their father, I'm not, I don't know…"

His eyes pleaded with her to go on. To finish what she was trying to say. _Revan, please._

She closed her eyes, shutting out everything as she gathered her courage "Carth, you…" _Finish it, you can not stop now. He needs to know!_

She stopped, pausing for a breath, before she burst forth in a rush, tired of the agony, "At the time I was never with anyone else and I don't know what happened."

Tears were streaking down her face but she continued, "If it's not Malak then it's you!" Her body shook as she realized what she had just said The wall she had been trying to hide behind collapsed, her words and emotions gushing forward, "Oh Force, Carth, you could be their father. I think, I believe …" Her stream of tears kept coming, hiding from her the relief that flashed across his face.

Eagerly leaning over, he gathered her into his arms, "That's all I wanted to hear." Reassuring kisses landed on her face. She could feel an enormous weight being lifted from her as he pulled her close against his body.

His own relief began to overshadow hers as he held her. "I thought … but I needed to hear it from you." He kissed her again, relieved that she had finally told him what he had longed to hear. _MY kids! She thinks they are my kids. She admitted it, shoud would not have done that if she had doubt. Oh force. Oh frack . _

"Rev, we have to find them!" He breathed, the kiss that followed voicing all his relief, confidence and determination.

It didn't matter anymore who the real father was, his mind was convinced once she told him. _They are my kids, they will always be my kids. They were conceived while I loved her and she loved me, that is all the truth I need. She believes there is a chance._

"You aren't mad?" she asked confused.

He kissed her again before rising to stand as if she had just brought new life to him, and she had. "Later, I'll be mad later. You can count on that!"


	15. Impossible Decisions

Pleased with the deal she had made, Juhani moved towards her new ship. It was a newer class glider, brandishing automated weapon controls and was already equipped with a transponder. It had incredible stealth and sensor baffling accessories. The small sleek design would help to evade any sensor sweeps. And the built-in autopiloting, no droids necessary, was perfect for her sub-par piloting abilities.

The larger smuggling ship, that Carth would be flying, would not be ready for a few more days. The delay was largely her fault, due to the modifications she had requested. The merchant would deliver that ship personally, docking it on the _Fore Runner_ to make the final exchange. The ship would arrive completely supplied as part of the deal.

Ther merchant had also provided her with information about the threats to the Jedi and on the current Sith factions, as well as a few contacts who would provide her with even more information. Beginning her pre-flight checks, anxious to return to her friends, she ran over everything in her head. _Two ships, supplies, a splicing droid and quite a bit more insight into what is actually happening. Now if only I can convince Carth to give up his Republic command ship!_

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The dream played through her mind, fading into a mist, before returning once again.

_They were standing on the wasted expanse of a once fully inhabitated planet. Smoke was billowing all around them and it was hard to imagine that a bright blue sky had once surrounded the area. _

_Screams of panic, running footsteps and frantic cries were emphasized by sounds of explosions, fighter engines and marching troops._

_She was furious that Malak had decided to use so many of their resources for such a pointless attack. Not only had it weakened their current battle in the Abregado system and underminded her authority, but it also forced her from there so she could clean up his mess and deliver her punishment in person. Had she just stayed, the damage he had done to her reputation would have eroded her command with the troops._

"_What foolish mistake have you made now Malak?"_

"_I did this for you Revan," he moved closer to her, reaching out to touch her shoulder._

"_You did nothing for me! You did this all for yourself. And I have already told you, NEVER to call me Revan again. You will show proper respect."_

_She was interuppted by a nervous troop, bowing down in front of her, "I'm sorry Master, word has some through from Abregado. We are loosing the battle, the fighters are falling back."_

_She turned brutally towards Malak, resting the glowing end of her ignited lightsaber inches from his neck, "I should kill you for this!..."_

_-------------------------_

"This is YOUR fault!" her voice growing louder with each word.

Moving towards the shape that was sprawled out at the computer, Carth shook her awake. "Revan."

"Leave me the hell alone!" the words spat from her mouth, a savage look in her eyes.

"Revan, it's okay." His reassuring tone was followed with a hand on her shoulder.

"No, it's not! Get the hell away from me!" shaking her upper body forcefully to remove his hand from her, she glared towards him.

"It's just a dream Rev." Pleading eyes hid the thoughts racing through his mind, _Oh force, not again!_

She turned on him, her eyes narrowing, "No! It's not just _a dream_. Get the hell out of here, NOW!" the screaming words flying from her mouth instantly.

_What the hell is happening? _Confusion and panic swirled around Carth, he didn't know what had caused the dramatic change in her. _Dammit Revan, I can't keep doing this!_

He was ready to try and soothe her again, taking a few hesitant steps toward her, when a noise in the hall made him stop. Banging and clunking its way into the room was the droid Carth had been working on.

It was just a shell of its former self and didn't respond like it should, but it was the best he had been able to do with it so far. It blurped out something, instead of beeping, causing Carth to turn towards it.

It was trying to spin its top but it would only move an inch or so to the right, then return back to its original position, before clicking and repeating the same fruitless display. Eventually it gave up trying to communicate and just moved out of the room.

Glancing from Revan back to the droid, Carth was torn about which to pursue. The droid was moving down the hallway now and Revan's noticable distaste towards him told him she wished he would follow.

_Fine, I'll give you what you want. _Regretfully, he exited the tension filled chamber, giving her a final pleading look that was met by a cold, hard gaze. _Don't do this again Revan, please._

Seconds later he was staring out the viewport as a small ship neared. _Could that be Juhani? Where the hell did she get that ship? _Running footsteps echoed towards the docking bay as he rushed to open the doors.

He waited anxiously as the ship lowered itself, cutting its engines as it came to rest in one of the sleeves. The top slid open as Juhani was removing her helmet. Jumping immediately from the craft she went rushing to meet Carth, who had already covered half the distance.

"How's Revan?" was the first thing she said.

"Fine, better, well she was…" His hands turned up, shoulders slumping as his eyes lost their focus, "but she just…"

Her words were barely over a whisper, causing Carth to doubt that he heard her correctly, "I believe it is me."

Confusion spread across his face as his eyes bore into hers. "Carth, things are bad, and Revan's fate is even worse."

Carth raised his brow and didn't need to say the words. _What the hell do you mean?_

"The Sith factions are split. We have multiple threats. Our biggest concern right now is Revan. And the children. Someone going by the name of Darth Gnillihs, he served under Malak, is our concern. That is who the scout was working for."

Juhani shifted uncomfortably before continuing, "Malak didn't force himself on Revan, he injected her with a mind restorative implant. It has slowly been weaving her memories back together. They wanted to know what she had been planning, when she was the Dark Lord. But now, it is working in other ways."

She paused waiting for this to sink in, but the faraway glaze in Carth eyes were telling her that he wasn't hearing anything she was saying. "Carth, listen to me! I do not know for sure but I have some ideas. Either way, the scout made it clear that he believes she is slowly turning back to the dark side! Carth!"

-----------------

_Malak didn't force himself on Revan. _That's all he heard, his mind moving as he realized what this meant. _They ARE my kids. Aaron is **my** son! Ariana is **my** daughter! MINE! My kids, O**ur kids**! … And now they are gone. This is Dustil all over again. No, I won't let this happen again. I have to find them!_

"_Carth, listen to me… she is slowly turning back to the dark side!"_ He snapped back, shaking his head and speaking loudly, "Did you bring what we need to repair this ship?"

"Carth, have you heard anything I said?" She inquired, noticing the growing resolve displaying itself through his actions.

Moving past Juhani, his brisk pace taking him closer towards her glider, the children were the only thing on his mind. "Where are they?"

_Force, he is going to go flying off if I do not stop him! He still does not understand. _Knowing she had to relay to him the serverity of what was happening, she rushed towards him, seizing his arm in an attempt to slow him down. His pace actually quickened, not bothering to even turn around or acknowledge her gesture.

Knowing she had to get his attention quickly, she searched for a way to do that without hurting him or using the force.

The familiar hum of a lightsaber drowned out the sound of his footsteps. Noticing the slight pause of his pace she called out, "I really like that ship Carth. Don't force me to damage it."

He turned, scowling at her, "I _need_ to find them!"

They stood facing each other, each one preparing for the others next move. The challenge hung between them, causing ripples of turbulence to dance back and forth.

_That man is as stubborn as Revan! _The pressure was building towards an explosive end and Juhani tried to avert the inevitable outcome. "Carth, forget about the children for a moment. It is Revan who they want. Revan is our biggest concern right now."

"How the hell can you say that, Revan is here, the kids are with that, that…"

"Sith." She finished for him, noticing the forlorn appearance that washed over him. Closing her lightsaber she resumed, "But for some reason he believes Revan will turn back to the dark side. Carth, do you understand, _that_ is our biggest threat. If Revan turns…"

"Dammit Juhani, she wouldn't do that!" he roared.

"Carth, be reasonable. You have witnessed her actions, her confusion. _HE_ believes she will, and he knows something, something he did not tell me. Revan is the key, we have to be cautious."

"No frack she is the key, she is their _mother_!"

"Carth, it is much more than that. Something else is at work here. The Scout did something to her, before he took the kids. That is why she was incapacitated. Do you not understand? He can _do that to her_. Why, I do not know, but something else is going on here. What happens if she is trying to rescue the children and it happens again? He is up to something and he has some dark-side hold over her. He told me these things for a reason. We cannot ignore that. And he wants her to return, as the Dark Lord. He wants her to fight Darth Gnillihs. We have to proceed with caution."

"Juhani, I am sorry, but you just told me those are _my kids_" his voice rising to emphasize his last two words. "I can not ignore that."

"And I am not asking you to Carth, but Revan remains our biggest concern. What good is finding the children if we lose her in the process. He is setting a trap, one we cannot simply fall into."

"Force Juhani, I can not follow what you are asking. I will not foresake one for the other."

"And right now that is not what I am asking. If you leave now then you will be doing that yourself. Revan would follow you and then you will have lost all of them."

"She, she would never fall back to the dark side!" he exclaimed, trying to convice himself as much as her. "I can't accept that!"

"But you may have to. That is all I am trying to say, Carth. I believe she has already slipped there a few times, with the scouts help. We need to stop her from falling any further, for the sake of the children."

"NO! I refuse to believe that. I just got Revan back, discovered we have a family. _DO NOT_ ask me to give that up."

Her words hung in the air, "I am sorry, Carth."


	16. Mistakes

Juhani quickly explained to Carth the deal she had made with the merchant. He would be arriving within the next day or so to collect his ship. Carth needed to make sure the new droid repaired the ship and all traces of their prior existence and records on the ship were deleted. She also advised him to download the medical report on the scout to a datapad before deleting the records.

"There may be something there we could find useful. I will follow the tracking beacon while you and Revan follow up on the leads the merchant provided. I will be in touch, but, if things should go wrong, the droid also has the ability to follow the tracking device – but I suggest you do not rely on Revan if you have to follow that path. Recruit others, Revan cannot be tempted. I am trusting you Carth, these are dangerous times and if not for our friendship, I fear my only choice now would be to eliminate Revan before she falls."

"Juhani, you are talking as if you _know for sure _that Revan will return to the dark side. I am sorry, I just do not believe that. If she didn't turn before, on the Star Forge quest, then she _never _will, she has a much greater reason now!"

"Perhaps not consciously Carth." Juhani moved towards her new ship. "May the force be with you."

Carth stood silently watching as Juhani's ship left _The Fore Runner_. After it had disappeared from his vision he slowly moved into action. His mind kept moving as his hands fell into play. He programmed the droid to repair the central computer. Leaning over to pick up some of the parts Juhani had brought, he started carrying them to their destination. His mind drifted to what he would say to Revan. _Should I tell her? Force I should have asked Juhani that. What do I do? _

-----------------------------

"Feeling better beautiful?" he said when he entered the room. "I have some good news, we have the parts we need. Now we just need to let our new droid carry out the repairs."

She looked at him, narrowing her eyes, "Where did they come from?"

His gave her an upbeat reply, "Juhani stopped by, dropped off what we needed. She needed to head back though, we'll catch up with her later."

"You are lying to me, and I don't appreciate that!" she stopped as she turned to him, taking a few steps towards him. "Do you know what happened to the last person that said things to me that I did not like?" menace played in her voice.

_Focus Onasi, this isn't Revan. _"I can only imagine." He gave her a light hearted laugh. "Don't worry, I have nothing up my sleeve." He leaned over and kissed her playfully.

"I'm not sure I should believe that" she replied, melting into his embrace.

"Believe it!" he smiled down at her, truth flowing from his next words. "At this point I don't think I am capable of anything but loving you."

He moved, cupping her head in his hands, bringing her face into his kiss. _I know you're in there. Come on Rev, fight it. Don't let this happen._

-------------------

Something was wrong, she felt it. But she also knew she had to play along. She leaned in to his embrace, letting his kiss fall on her lips.

She reached up, giving him another kiss. She let the hunger flow as she kissed him, feeling him stiffen in response. They had played this dangerous game long enough and she knew they both wanted each other.

She used it to her advantage as she slowly moved her hands over his neck, up through his hair. Pulling him in closer to her waiting lips. "Let's go to your room" she whispered in his ear.

---------------

Carth knew this wasn't right. He could feel the difference in her. But he couldn't stop himself, in all appearances it was the woman he loved. It was everything he longed for and she kept kissing him, her lips nuzzling against his neck, whispering in his ear.

Unable to control himself any longer, he grabbed her hand and headed towards his room, pulling her along behind him.

--------------

"You know we have the ship to ourselves, we didn't need to come here." He said as he pulled on her arm, bringing her into his hold.

"I know, but you have the largest bed" she replied playfully as she kissed him, pulling off his shirt.

"Revan, are you sure…I won't be able to stop myself in a few…"

She stopped his words with a kiss while she loosened her robes with her hands. He reached up, finishing the task, as his hands slid the robes off her shoulders. He bent down, kissing her bare shoulder just as she reached up.

He moved his face towards hers, their lips meeting as she ran her fingers through his hair. He leaned further down, kissing her neck, before returning to brush his lips against hers.

She moved, pulling him with her as she fell backwards toward the bed. They landed hard but the moment continued as he began kissing her stomach, moving down to kiss her inner thigh after he slid off her trousers.

He rose back up and kissed her, sucking on her bottom lip. Excitement growing between them.

He rolled over, pulling her with him as his hand caressed the small of her back….

---------------------------------

Carth rose from the bed, glancing at the sleeping form. _Why the hell did I do that! This is only going to make everything harder. _

He knew he had made a mistake. _Force I love her! I know her, well… I knew her. Dammit there has to be another way. How can I give her up. _He leaned over, brushing a kiss across her bared shoulder. _I can't do this. She is not evil! I have to tell her what Juhani suspects, she has to know. I can't do this without her. I'll find a way to get through to her. Dammit, I'll find a way. She hasn't fallen yet!_

She smiled up at him, waking from her sleep, obviously feeling his gaze. "Did I fall asleep here?"

"Yes, No… Revan don't you remember?" he inquired, pleading with her to remember.

She searched through her memory, recalling the suspicion she felt at first. Then she recalled the longing she had felt…followed by…"OH" as she realized what had transpired. "Carth, I'm sorry." _Dammit there I go again, is that ALL I can say to him!_

"It's okay, nothing memorable, I understand."

"No Carth," she reached out for him but he had already moved off the bed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me, I…"

"I know" he replied. He turned to look at her. "Revan…Rev…" he moved back to the bed, pulling her into his arms.


	17. Paranoia

Carth was holding onto Revan so tight, ready to spill out everything Juhani had told him, when the ship came back to life. They sat there staring at each other for a few minutes before Carth loosened his grip and rose.

"I uh, I need to start wiping the computers and coordinating our routes for the contacts Juhani gave us."

"Right, and I'll start packing up everything." She replied, pausing as she watched him moved out of the room. "Carth…" she called out, her eyes opening wide. He stopped and turned around waiting for her to continue. Shaking her head she finally continued, "Nothing, nevermind." He seemed about ready to say something but instead turned and continued out of the room.

-----------------------------------

Doubt had begun to creep into Carth's mind. He was no longer sure if telling Revan the truth was the right path to take. Concern that she might do something stupid was followed with worry. If he told her, and she actually slipped to the dark side, then he would have no one to blame but himself.

He was a man of action, one who spent his whole life concentrating on the task as hand, letting everything else go in the process. But, with Revan, it was different. She was not just his lover, she was also the immediate problem. With Morgana, and Dustil, he had be able to bury his feelings for them, putting the Republic's missions first, telling himself it was for their future. But with Revan, the damn Jedi that had complicated his life since the first day he met her, it was not so easy.

His current Republic mission was all but non-existent now, and it had been replaced with a Jedi mission. Although it was also for the sake of the Republic, there were too many spies for him to reveal any of this to those he still trusted in the Republic, namely Admiral Dodonna. No, instead his new mission was for Revan, for the children, to save the galaxy from once again facing Dark Lord Revan's reign and he would have to do it without the Republic's knowledge. _There would be no mercy for her if they knew._

Dark Lord Revan, his lover, the mother of this children, the woman he would do anything for. _It isn't possible, she won't fall!_ Yet he couldn't stop the agonizing thoughts that had always plagued him. _That darkness is a part of her, I always knew that. I tried to deny it, tried to tell myself, that by her choices, she had become a different person. But yet I always knew, could never forget, that she was who she was because of her dark past. Force Onasi, the Republic or Revan? The galaxy or Revan? Your children or Revan? _

As much as he tried to occupy his physical form, downloading the data, coordinating the hyperspace routes for the contacts, still… none of that stopped his mind from churning.

_I shouldn't even be on this mission. It goes against everything in the code books! I can't be blinded by love, I have to set priorities. The children are first, Revan is second. If she falls … Oh force, if she falls, can I? Will I be able to do what I must? _

His mind drifted back to how easily he had been swayed the night before. When he knew she was not her true self, but still he had let himself be blinded and lured by her kisses. _No more of that Onasi! No more of anything Revan – you have to keep your distance, keep your mind focused._

His hand ran through his hair and his face turned into a scowl as he realized just what he was asking of himself. _Finding this woman has been my entire focus for years, and now, I'm just supposed to forget all that? And that was even before I knew she was the mother of my children! Damn Juhani for putting me in this situation, damn the Sith, damn everything!_

His thoughts were interrupted as he felt a pair of arms wrap around his sitting torso. Standing behind him, Revan leaned over, kissing him on the cheek, "You look deep in thought Onasi."

His whole body tensed at her touch before relaxing right before the kiss rested on his cheek. "Yeah, just trying to organize everything. Develop a plan, you know, be prepared and all."

"You mentioned Juhani gave you some contacts? Where's our first stop?"

"Well, once we get off the _Fore Runner_ and into our own ship, I think the first place we should head is Triatean'k. It's in the closest system and on the path to the other sites." He brought his arms up, moving hers off his chest. _Force, I can't concentrate when she's near me, I have to get a grip. She is not the enemy, nor is she my confidante. How can I ever balance the two?_

Revan shot him a disapproving glance before moving towards a panel of controls. "You … you feel differently towards me?"

"NO" he shot out, standing up and facing her. "It's just, I'm just busy trying to figure this all out Revan. I'm sorry, I guess I am just a bit preoccupied right now." He ran a hand through his hair again, silently cursing himself for acting like a complete idiot. He was trying to think of something he could say to justify his actions when she waved a hand at him, brushing him off.

"No matter, I trust you'll figure it out." She moved away, slipping out of the door before he could recover enough to say anything else.

_Who was that? Which Revan was that? _His mind raced trying to make a determination. _She seems so unconcerned, not the Revan I know, but yet… what more is there for her to do right now? Well, besides asking about the information that Juhani gave, you mean Onasi? Or what you were about to tell her before? Or our plan for rescuing Aaron and Ariana? Or why you pushed her away just now? _

_Sithspawn, is she deliberately not asking because she doesn't want to seem too obvious or is it because she is testing me? Either way, either Revan, would play the same game. She knows something is wrong and she is just waiting. But which Revan is wating? _

He let out an exasperated sigh that was so loud it even startled him. _Still paranoid, Onasi! And now I can't even trust the woman I love … maybe we don't have a future._


	18. The Exchange

Carth had just finished getting the report from the droid, the computers were cleared, and no traces would be found by the new owners. He had stopped to check on the droids progress of the final scan, still clutching the datapad that held the scouts medical report. He was all set to begin pouring over the data when an incoming ship changed his priorities.

He stared at the incoming vessel, analyzing the ship that would ultimately lead him on the mission to find his children. It was similar in size to the _Ebon Hawk, _boasting a familiar horseshoe shape, but a slightly larger height. It definitely had a second story, probably sleeping quarters. No identifying markings or color were present, instead it was a dark shade of silver and would probably be considered grey by most. He nodded in approval as his eyes fell over the mounted weapons and modifications that were only revealed by a keen eye and the slightly darker shade of color.

Glancing around the control room he couldn't help but feel a bit of sadness, soon he would be leaving _The Fore Runner_ once and for all. It had brought him to Revan, its walls held the secrets of his past and his future. He had discovered so much, lost so much and it somehow had made the ship feel as much a part of him as the _Ebon Hawk_ once had.

He comm'd Revan before leaving to greet the ships new owner. "It's time, be ready in case things don't go as planned."

"I'll meet you there." The message came back as he was making his way towards the docked ship.

The merchant was not alone and his group of five glanced wearily around, obviously ready to take down anyone, at any moment.

As Carth approached, he couldn't decide if they were more worried about him or if he should be worried about them. "I believe we have a trade to settle," he mentioned nonchalantly.

"Indeed" the merchant's eyes raised and he stopped speaking when he noticed Revan moving towards them.

Carth turned around for a split second, not wanting to risk leaving the new arrivals out of his sight in case they made a move, but he had to do a double take when the image of Revan registered in his mind.

She was walking towards them, light saber unlit, but held in a threatening gesture. But the thing that had caused Carth to risk a second, longer glance, was her attire.

She wore the all too familiar Jedi robes that draped over the high boots, leggings and tunic, but the color was all wrong. The contrast of brown, beige and white was now replaced by dark black boots, lighter black pants and an undershirt that had a darker black tunic vest covering it. The garments were fastened by a black belt that held another light saber in its holster. Covering all this was a long black robe that fell almost to the floor. The folds around the collar suggesting that a hood was also a part of the robe but had been left to fall loosely down her back.

_Is she trying to get us killed! _He couldn't stop the thought from flashing through his mind.

She grinned in satisfaction at everyone's reaction to her as she approached, "I believe we are all in a hurry here to get this over with." She flashed a menacing smile at the merchant as her eyes fell over his companions, "As long as there isn't a problem."

The merchant finally recovered enough to speak, "Oh no, no trouble from us. Although, if you continue to other worlds in that attire, you will earn your share of trouble."

He looked back to Carth, "Before the exchange is made I need to do some inspections, as I am sure you also do." His hand gestured towards the ship he had arrived in.

"Yes, thank you. Feel free to look around, the droid will serve as your guide until I am finished here."

"Yes, and Tri'skt here" he gestured to the Mon Calamari that was standing guard, "will accompany you on your inspection."

It was obvious to Carth that Tri'skt was left there to watch over him but he obliged and moved up the boarding ramp of his new ship.

Revan remained watchful outside, staring at the backs of the departing group, a hard scowl on her face. She had this incredible urge to just strike them down. She knew she could handle the lot of them without even taking an injury to herself. Then she and Carth would have both the new ship and _The Fore Runner _under their ownership. She glanced up the now empty ramp, wondering if she had enough time to finish off the others before the Mon Calamari suspected anything. Weighing her options and timing, her thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a hushed voice.

"Where the hell did you get that outfit and just what were you thinking?"

She snapped out of her thoughts, noticing an agitated Carth standing off to her side. "I thought you were inspecting the ship?" Irritation was clearly apparent in her reply.

Lowering his eyes at her, trying to keep his voice in a low whisper, he replied,

"Well I would be if you hadn't made such a spectacle of yourself! Now answer my damn question."

Dismay crossed her face, "I just wanted to make sure they weren't going to trying and back out on the deal. Besides, I needed a change of clothes and I found these while packing everything up. Honestly, I don't know where they came from."

Carth eyed her suspiciously but the look on her face was just one of honesty. "Come on Revan, I'm not stupid and neither are you. There is more to this than that."

She moved closer to him, running her hands up his chest, leaning her face towards his ear. A wave of heat flowed through him as she whispered in his ear, "Honestly Carth, there isn't anything more." She brushed her lips against his cheek as she moved away and he had to stop himself from grabbing her and kissing her fully on her lips.

_Focus Onasi. _He shifted uncomfortably, "That outfit came from somewhere and I really don't think you should be wearing it. The merchant was right, it will just be asking for trouble. What happened to the other clothes, the ones that don't scream out Jedi, let alone Dark Jedi!"

Rolling her eyes, "They were already packed. Really Carth, you should be thanking me. The crew that accompanied the merchant had other plans in mind. They weren't just going to hand over that ship and walk away." She crossed her arms and looked at him smugly.

Exasperation and scorn flowed through his reply, "Maybe not, but did you give any thought to how easily they gave Juhani information? You think they aren't going to be spouting out how they met a Jedi and know exactly what ship she is now traveling on?"

"_That_ would not have been a problem if you had just continued your inspection instead of venturing out here." She glanced up at Tri'skt who was standing at the doorway of the ramp, eyeing them carefully.

Carth couldn't hide his astonishment, "You … Revan, you aren't serious!"

She looked thoughtful for a moment, her lips pursing, "Maybe not. You're right, it was a stupid move. I should have thought it through more. Too late now though, what's done is done."

He grabbed her arm as she spun around to walk away. "Revan, _don't!" _It came out as an order and that was exactly how he had meant it. He only hoped it was one she would follow.

She was definitely not pleased, her face scrunching in disgust, "Fine Carth, but don't blame me when a bunch of bounty hunters come looking for us!" She pulled away from his hold and moved towards the other side of the room.

Carth couldn't believe the nerve she had to even say such a thing. If not for her stupid antics they wouldn't even have to worry about any bounty hunters. _She is falling to the dark side Carth, _Juhani's words rang in his head but he shook them away. _I have to get her focused, once we're on that ship and looking for Aaron and Ariana she will be fine. _He moved back up the ramp, nodding to the Mon Calamari.


	19. The Rubicon

Carth had just finished loading everything up on the new ship, now dubbed, _The Rubicon, _by Revan. Carth had no idea what the meaning was behind the name but made a mental note to check into it as soon as they were settled.

Revan had been pretty adamant about naming the vessel and he had obliged. It all seemed petty to him at this point, which actually surprised him, considering he was a trained pilot and understood the deeper meaning in naming ones ship. Actually, none of his former training, commitment to the Republic or things he once held sacred seemed to hold much meaning anymore.

He was in the middle of making small talk with the merchant before their final departure. He had just said something amusing and was enjoying the laughter he had managed from the otherwise stoic man, when suddenly everything, or more accurately, everyone, went still. He turned his head, seeing Revan smoothing her black robes. He was still frowning as she replied, "They won't be held in limbo for long, we better get moving," as she moved up the boarding ramp.

He quickly followed, glad that her back was to him, since he knew his irritation was plainly displayed. When they entered the central room she paused and turned to him as if she wanted to say something. Carth continued moving towards the cockpit, figuring they could talk on the way. And he wanted the first words, "You know the dangers of using force powers, you need to stop acting so reckless or this mission is doomed to fail."

Revan followed behind him, once again dismayed at his disapproval. "And you need to realize I am doing this all for the mission! Do you think they were going to just let us leave? I bought us time! Once again you should be grateful. And if you hadn't stopped me earlier, I wouldn't have had to use my force powers!"

He stopped dead in his tracks, speaking as her body crashed into his from his sudden halt. His hands gripped her arms, steadying her. "Listen to yourself Revan. Do you actually believe this bantha crap you keep saying? Not to mention that you have such little faith in me that you didn't think I already had a plan. One that didn't include exposing you as a Jedi, once again! X-14 has been entering our destination codes while I made small talk. We would have been in hyperspace before they even sent off a shot if we would have had enough time. Force Revan!" His left hand moved away from her and he ran it through his hair before bringing it down the side of his face, pausing as a few of his fingers rested on his chin, his index finger still on his cheek.

She reached up, grabbing his hand and placing it against her chest, "I have faith in you, please have faith in me too. You are here" she pressed her hand against his, the one that she had placed on her chest, "in my heart." The way she looked up at him then made him melt. She looked so sincere, so much like the Revan he remembered when she had first confessed her love for him. Desire flowed through him as he looked into her open eyes. His hand moved off her chest, reaching up to cup the side of her face as he took the kiss that her full lips were begging for.

He gasped for air, "Revan, we have go." Her arms were gripping him tightly and she refused to let go, "The droid, let him finish…" she pushed him against the wall of the small corridor, running her hands down his chest as she looked up at him. The desire burning in her eyes was leaving him with a thirst he desperately wanted to quench. He mustered all the resolve he could, "Revan, if we don't leave now…"

"Shhhh" she held a finger to his lips, keeping him further silenced by a kiss as her hand moved seductively down his waist.

A low groan escaped his lips as he tried to break off the kiss. But his head was flat against the wall and she was kissing him with a desperation that sent waves of heat coursing through his body. He reached up, grabbing her head and pulling it just slightly away from his, her lips still brushed against his face while he took in a few breathes before speaking, "Rev, if we don't leave now we'll have some angry company boarding this ship in a few minutes."

"Exactly!" she replied, still pinning him against the smooth metallic wall. The sparkle in her eyes was unmistakable, "And then I can finish what I should have before." She grinned at him, giving him a look of pure hunger, "And then we can finish this."

In that one instant the burning desire he had been feeling was replaced with an ice cold knot in his gut, "YOU! You set me up." He ignored her wicked grin as their positions changed, Carth quickly moving to pin Revan against the wall as he had yelled to the droid, "X-14, secure the doors and get us the hell out of here, NOW!"

He was unsure of how much pressure to use to keep her there, "I won't let you do this Revan." He decided to see how much she fought to break away and instead just used a slightly forceful hold, relying on his body to serve as backup. He was left in total bewilderment when she collapsed in his arms, "Thank you Carth" she uttered before she rested her head on his chest.

He was tense, waiting for her next move, believing she was just doing this to break free from him. Instead she started crying, her whole body shuddering and he couldn't help but bring his arms around her in an embrace. _Careful Onasi, she's already played you once._

Their bodies swayed in unison, still in an embrace, as the ship began its take off. After ten minutes they were still like that and Revan was still sobbing, but softly now, her body no longer shook from the sobs.

He had to admit he was a sucker for a girl crying, let alone Revan. _She's real, this is the real Revan. She has nothing more to gain now._ He so wanted to believe these thoughts but he was afraid to let his guard down. "I uh, I have to see how she's flying." He brought her face up to his, "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'm sorry." She moved away from him and he used the opportunity to move towards the cockpit. He gave a final glance back at her and noticed the look of shock that appeared on her face as she looked down at what she was wearing.

Every instinct in his body told him to go back to her now but his damaged pride refused to allow him this luxury. As he continued his gait he wondered how much more of this he could take. Trust was paramount to him and Revan had continuously smacked him in the face, whether intentionally or not, and actually a little of both. He entered the cockpit wondering if this was the beginning of the end of their relationship.

_A/N – Is anyone else following this story besides my three reviewers? Should I continue? Yes, I am begging for feedback. It really does keep a writer going. Is it worth me spending 5+ hours per day writing/thinking/drafting etc? Also… anyone willing to be a beta reader for me? Just drop me an email. I just am not getting enough feedback to know what is working and what is not. It's so frustrating. Okies, enough of my rant – til next time!_


	20. Alone

Revan woke in a cold sweat, the dream still playing in her mind.

_She had been trying to speak amicably to the natives of this world but they just didn't seem to understand the threat. Her threat. They would do what she asked or they would be eliminated and she finally revealed that implied ultimatum to them, in plain words._

_She had almost laughed at their futile attempts to stop her. She didn't even need her entourage, and had held them at bay as she cut down every single one of the members of their government and military forces single handedly._

_She loved the feeling of power and had to admit that their lack of fear had just fueled her desire to bring them all in a position of begging for their lives._

_The last official, the one that had begged the most and promised the most, she had spared, but only after she was sure he would be able to provide her with what she sought. She gave him three months to set everything in motion before she left to return to her ship, satisfied that the entire galaxy would soon be under her control._

-----------------

Carth turned in bed, trying to ignore the cries he heard from Revan's room, which was just across the hall from his. When he had suggested separate sleeping arrangements he had seen the hurt in her face but she hadn't protested. He actually couldn't believe he would ever suggest it, but after what had played out earlier he actually felt a bit of fear towards her and being in the same bedroom was more than he wanted to risk. He was still furious and shocked that she had wanted to massacre the merchant and his group so badly. And that she had tried to cover it up by deliberately seducing him in an effort to delay their takeoff long enough to give them time to attack.

He shifted again, now hearing the sobs that were coming through the walls. _Blast, this ship needs some serious soundproofing!_

He honestly wanted to go to her, comfort her, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't hide the thoughts that suggested this was some other ploy. He also couldn't deny the other feelings that had been slowly creeping into his mind. His fist ground into the pillow before placing it over his head in an attempt to drown out what was going on around him. It did succeed in drowning out her sobs, but did nothing to drown out everything that was echoing in his mind.

----------------------

For the next two days Carth did everything he could to avoid Revan. It was hard, since they were the only ones on the ship. There was nothing to distract him or use as an excuse. He spent a lot of time in the makeshift training room, but when Revan started spending more time there herself, he avoided that too. He wasn't getting much sleep, nor was she, since she kept him up every night with her cries. But each night he was finding it a bit easier to resist the urge to go to her, although that was mostly due to his stubbornness and not his underlying feelings.

He had discretely checked into "The Rubicon" meaning and was less than pleased to discover that it held a damn dark meaning. _Passing a limit of which there is no return; an irrevocable commitment. _He had spent many hours pouring over the reasons why she might have chosen that name and he immediately began to hate the ship.

_Onasi, you need answers and avoiding her isn't going to accomplish anything. Damn your pride and do what needs to be done. _He had said those words to himself so many times they no longer held any meaning. Still, he couldn't bring himself to talk to her, to even be in the same room with her. Little by little he had begun to accept what Juhani had told him, he couldn't deny it any longer. And reluctantly, he was trying to let go.

They were only a few hours from their arrival on Triantean'k and he was looking forward to the distraction. He also made a promise to himself that he would talk with Revan as soon as they were finished and back on the ship.

Picking up the datapad that held the information she had never asked about, he moved off to the training room.

----------------------

Sweat was dripping off Revan and her hair was a wet mop but she kept pushing herself to perfect the swings and parries she was working on today. Although that wasn't the real reason she kept going, even hours after anyone else would have stopped. It was the complete exhaustion that always followed her exercises that she wanted more than anything. It provided her with so much.

She often stumbled back to her room, so spent, that she collapsed into sleep before even using the fresher. And that was a good thing, since she had become convinced that her memories held some clue about Aaron and Ariana. The more she slept, the more the memories came back and the less time she had to think about other things.

It was double edged sword though. Often she awoke more confused than before, her feelings and emotions twisting up her insides. She would cry then, for Aaron and Ariana, for what might be happening to them, for not being able to recall anything or do anything to help them. She was so angry at herself, sometimes feeling it so strongly that it made her sick. She wished could just slip away again, away from herself. It was those times when she missed Carth the most, when she longed to have someone to comfort her, distract her and fill her with reassuring words.

But Carth was another matter. She had seen the hurt in his face when she had awoken in his bed, unable to recall at first what had transpired, and she wondered if that was the reason he was now avoiding her. Or if it was something else entirely. But she couldn't remember those details any more than she could remember most of her dreams or even why the hell she had been wearing dark Jedi robes!

When she tried to recollect any of those times it was so fuzzy, no images came, just a flood of feelings, waves of emotion that were so strong, just the mere thought of them exhausted her. Their departure from _The Fore Runner _filled her with anger, no, more like loathing. There was also a feeling of power that danced around in her mind. And passion. Burning hot, heated desire, so intense that it frightened her. She had always felt those basic desires with Carth but these were so acute and consuming that it felt almost violent. She knew such strong and extreme emotions was asking for trouble, but she was just as powerless to stop them as she was to hide the tears and exhaustion that always followed.

Turning, she brought her weapon up and then down again in one graceful movement as she finished her flourish. She caught a glimpse of a silhouette in the doorway out of the corner of her eye. Panting for breath and wiping away some of the sweat from her brow, she turned towards Carth.

"We'll be touching down in a few hours, you should clean up and read over some of this." He moved to hand her the datapad. A shiver ran through her as their fingers slightly touched during the exchange. Her already high temperature seemed to rise another few degrees.

Her eyes locked on his, _Ask him what's wrong Revan_, she silently told herself. They stood like that as the seconds seemed to become minutes. Her mouth was just beginning to open, ready to say something, but he pulled back, turned and left the room. She was still standing with her arm outstretched, wondering what she possibly could have done to make him act this way towards her. Staring down at the datapad in her hand she made a promise to herself. _As soon as this business is finished I'm going to make him talk to me!_


	21. Triatean'k

After receiving clearance to land, Carth silently cursed at the ship for its hard pull during the decent and landing. Most pilots would probably not have even noticed but he was looking for any reason to bring judgment against the vessel. _Force, I hate this ship! _

X-14 had reprogrammed the security codes and Carth set the droid to carry out, yet another, scan of the ship to make sure there were no hidden devices or lock out measures in the system before strapping on his holster and heading towards the exit.

Revan was already there, waiting for him and a sigh of relief escaped his lips when she saw she had dressed more appropriately. In fact, she looked rather stunning. Her hair was no longer tied up and instead cascaded softly around her face and down her back. It had grown a lot since their last mission and the way it was falling made her look absolutely beautiful. He realized the off-white tight fitting shirt might also have something to do with that opinion. Unfortunately, there was a jacket covering most of his view and Carth found himself wishing he could slip the jacket off and take in the full view of the stretched fabric around her body. He scowled inwardly at himself for thinking such thoughts. Her trousers were simple and were left to cover her boots instead of the other way around. No one would think twice that she was Jedi. _I wonder where she's hiding her light sabers._

"Ready?" she asked, breaking through his thoughts and he realized that she was just as happy as he was to get off the ship and find some answers. _At least we have that in common._

The information they had been given was that the contact was a human who ran a kiosk in the open market area of the planet. They would be able to recognize his stand by the insignia on its roof. It didn't seem too hard, at least until they entered the open market. The cobblestone street was filled with massive amounts of locals and the endless row of stands left them both speechless. Neither of them had ever witnessed such a sight and it looked more like a bazaar than a simple market. There had to be hundreds of kiosks set up in the area.

After wandering around for three hours, weaving around patrons, turning corners that revealed even more rows of merchants and getting pushed and prodded and begged they were both feeling agitated.

Revan looked at him, "I think we should split up. You take the Western side and I'll head east. We'll both work our way North and meet somewhere in the middle."

Carth considered this for a moment, noting the growing agitation in her as he spoke, "I know it sounds like a good idea but I don't think we should take the chance. I can't see beyond the person in front of me, let alone be able to find you, even if we both head towards the same destination. Besides, I think we should both approach this contact – we have no idea…"

"And if we continue like this it could take days, even if we split up it could take days! If we don't meet up in, say 6 hours, then we just head back and met at the _Rubicon_."

"No, I don't like it." His reply was short and curt at first. "Revan, everything in my gut is telling me we should stick together. So, what happens if you don't end up back at the …" He refused to call it the _Rubicon_, "ship? Where would I even begin to look for you?" His eyes emphasized the question.

"Fine Carth, but then we need some guidance. I'll just…"

"NO! You can't use your," his voice lowered, "force powers here. Just look around, there are literally thousands of sentients – we have no idea who could pick up on any of this, who might end up…"

"You can't have it all your way, split up or have some guidance. There is no way I am wasting any more time wandering around here like a fool."

"A fool? Dammit Revan; do you honestly think that any action that may help us find our kids is a foolish gesture?" She noted the exasperation in his reply and wished she had chosen different words.

"I didn't mean it like that. I just don't have this kind of patience Carth. I feel like we are getting no where. We don't have time to waste and I can help. If I don't and something happens… It's just, well, that right now the risk seems worth taking." She looked up at him and he found himself wavering under her earnest eyes.

"No Revan, we can't. There are just too many people…"

"Follow me" she said confidently, "Don't worry so much Carth, it only detracts from your handsome features."

His jaw dropped and he was still picking it up as he quickly followed her, afraid she would get lost in the crowd. _Dammit she used her powers anyway!_

They walked for another forty-five minutes, both of them realizing they would never have found the place, at least not today, if she hadn't let the force guide her. The crowds began to thin and the merchants became seedier. Carth couldn't help the words that followed, "Yeah, figures, this is definitely the right direction, where most paths lead us – to the scum of the planet."

"Carth!" Her voice rocked him out of his thoughts as he realized he had spoken them aloud.

She turned another corner, "By the way, that also distracts one from your otherwise charming self." She turned her head, batting her eyelashes at him before bursting out in laughter.

Before he even realized it, a crooked grin had played across his face and the walls he had been building up began to collapse. _She's so beautiful. She makes me smile and forget about everything like no one ever could… _His defenses quickly sprang into action, _Yeah and she's bad news, she lies to you, deceives you, and now she welcomes darkness and everything you try to fight against…_

The sudden sound of her light saber being ignited brought him back into focus. They were standing almost in front of the merchants shop; unfortunately they were surrounded by a group of seedy characters that had a look of total determination in their eyes. Almost as if they had just stumbled upon the greatest treasure in the galaxy.

"Word travels fast of high bounty Jedi – there are even more of us waiting in the shadows. I suggest you come quietly." The leader moved towards Revan, holding a neural restraining collar.

Carth noticed her eyes moving around, just as his were, judging all the places where more could be hiding, "My business is not with you and I really don't have time for these games."

"So it is a fight you want?" He never gave her time to answer, his hand moved to hit some signal. Within the next moment groups of six or more began to emerge from all around them. Carth quickly did some calculations and including the ten before them, four of which Revan had already cut down, they had about thirty enemies to contend with. It was way too many for just the two of them, especially with Revan's limited force ability.

Wasting no time, Carth was firing off shots at the closest approaching foes even as he did his calculations. _Nice welcome, all we need now are groups who picked up on the Jedi thing!_ Even while he was thinking it he noticed another group moving down the street. _Great Onasi, perhaps you should have wished for something a bit more helpful!_

Revan was glad for her exhaustive training on the _Rubicon, _it was being put to the test now as she fought off four plus enemies at once. So far she had avoided any major damage and she was still trying to avoid using the force to guide her moves. Although she knew that was futile since the force was always guiding her, asked or not, and she knew, even without trying, that she was using it now.

The groups were closing in and Carth had not been able to thin their numbers enough to avoid the gathering that now surrounded her. Her back was being hit as she tried to defend her front and vice versa. She pulled her resolve, knowing that in her exercises this was still only slightly past the half way point of how far she pushed herself. Her moves were good, but there were just too many of them, something she wasn't prepared for.

Unable to avoid it any longer she sheathed one of her light sabers and reached out to send a force wave through the thick gathering. Now using her preferred one saber stance she jumped at a group of still dizzied thugs and cut three of them down before she felt the blade cut through her backside. Trying to hide the pain, she spun quickly, preventing him from delivering another blow. Her shoulder was aching and whenever she brought her saber up it was screaming to her in agony, but she couldn't be concerned with that, the rest of the group had recovered and was now rushing towards her. She fought with everything she had, ignoring any pain but it was still not enough. Suddenly a thought flashed through her mind.

She could hear Carth's pistols but she had no clue where he was or how he was fairing. She dipped into the force to see if he was alright and was shocked to discover that he was taking considerable damage. She spent a few more seconds trying to clear the crowd before sending another force wave, jumping in the direction of Carth's presence a few seconds later.

She was completely shocked to realize that two dark Jedi had surrounded him. She had been too involved with her fight to even notice that there were Jedi forces to contend with. Trying to use her power to force them away from Carth she realized her attempts were failing. She was wasting precious time and when she saw him clutching at this throat, caught in a choke hold, she became frantic.

The other groups were quickly descending around her and she couldn't avoid the only solution left available. Resting her head down for a moment she then brought both her head and hand up as she let loose a chain of Force Storm power. The first jolt was followed by a second and then a third, a fourth was followed by a fifth before she finally felt herself being spent. Although if it had been up to her, with the feeling she had, she would have sent at least three more waves coursing through their lifeless bodies. As it was, the five merciless waves were enough to have their bodies drop at her feet. A feeling of supremacy flowed through her and despite not wanting to, a smile escaped her lips along with a feeling of satisfaction.

She tried to fight off the wonderful feeling that was swelling through her, _I am so powerful, I could be so much more, imagine if …_

Although unable to react, Carth had been cognizant throughout the entire episode. And now he knew that she was standing above him. He could feel the concern emitting from her tangled with other thoughts that he desperately wanted her to avoid.

His knees were to the ground, hands holding up his body, coughing uncontrollably as he tried to force air back into his lungs. But he knew he had to break through to her, he knew something was happening and he had to stop it, "Revan, what" coughs raked his body and before he could continue her light saber sprang to life as she turned and cut down a final remaining foe.

"It was the only way Carth. I wish it had not come to that." Her hand rested on his back and he could feel the sorrow that the words didn't even begin to explain.

"But how, Revan, why would you even" he coughed again as he brought his upper body to a sitting position.

She tried to put her charm into the words, "Come on, you haven't forgotten that I was once a Dark Lord. I know both powers and when to use each one. It is fine Carth! Really! As long as I don't let it consume me."

"You can't Revan, you can not play with both sides. Please, do not fool yourself." He reached out to her, "Please" he begged.

She was giving him a grin that made it seem like this was all some kind of joke as she injected him with a medpac. "I would have done it sooner if I had known you were in such trouble. Really Carth, it's fine, _I'm fine_." She replied as she administered another pac.

"No, Revan, don't ever." He reached out and grabbed her hand. "Don't do it for me, please do not ever risk yourself over me."

Her astonished look, although he hated to admit it, gave him a warm feeling, "I love you Carth. I would do anything for you. Always." She leaned over and brushed a kiss across his lips. "Now, are you ready to see that merchant we finally found? Before he runs off in fright? If he hasn't already!"

"No, wait, you're injured too…" he reached out, trying to use anything he could to keep her there, to see a glimpse in all that had just transpired that she was still the Revan he knew, that she was still there.

She looked down at him, "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine until we get back to the _Rubicon_. I'm used to feeling pain."

_What the hell did that mean? _He asked himself. _Force Rev, don't tell me you are enjoying pain now! _"Wait; use a pac on yourself first. I won't go if you don't." He stared at her adamantly as his full figure rose in front of her.

"You may need it, I won't take that chance." She ran a hand across his face, "I do love you, with all of my heart, I'm sorry I'm not just a simple girl." She turned away trying to hide the tears that were welling up in her eyes.

Guilt over how he had been feeling and anger over how their life, and love, had become so complicated seared through him. But he still couldn't stop what she had done from passing through his thoughts. Grabbing her arm he pulled her back to face him, he looked at her long and hard before saying the only words that came to him, "I'm sorry too."

_That was it. _She tried to dismiss her thoughts as they approached the merchant, _that was his way of telling you it is over. But why? Because of who I am? He knew all that, even just days ago he knew all that and refused to give me up, even when I wanted him to. What had changed? Why has it changed? No you are just being silly, he will always love you._

Suddenly she realized how much she had taken his love for granted. No, he wouldn't always be there, no one would, and she was lucky that he still was after all she had put him through. She had played with his emotions, a man who was so unwilling to share them in the first place. She didn't deserve his love. She was so wrong for him, they were so wrong for each other. She should have never let him back into her life. Her selfish gesture had come at great cost to him. She had spent years trying to deal without him and she should have continued on that path. Another reason to hate herself formed in her mind and she told herself she wouldn't play with his emotions anymore. That was the least she could do for the man she loved with all her heart. Moving towards the kiosk, Revan pushed all this aside as she started to speak to the merchant.


	22. Dracosk

The scout rose, confident that what he was trying to achieve through the bond was finally working. The bond that he had created when he reached into Revan's soul. _Oh, you are a hard one to break. You fight me at every turn. But my new methods are starting to work._

Initially he had tried to shatter all her good memories and flood her with darkness. He even believed it was working as he escaped the ship, since he could sense her conflict and the touch of darkness growing within her. But then she had simply shut herself off. Blocked him from her completely and he was left to believe that she had broken the bond. Resigning himself to wait for the implant to finish what he was trying to escalate.

But then he had felt it again, days later, he felt the connection with her come back and realized his mistake. Even without completely understanding what was happening to her, Revan had defensively shut herself off from the force. And judging the evasiveness and outburst from her Jedi friend when he had spoken to her, Revan had even shut herself off from them too.

After that it was time to use a more subtle approach. He took his time trying to understand what was important to this new Revan. He searched back to when he had first pulled the memories from her, recalling that not much more than slight amusement had crossed his mind when he discovered her love for the pilot. Instead, the two children, the discovery of _her_ children, had completely absorbed him. _I underestimated the power of her feelings for this Commodore Onasi. I should have taken more time to observe them._

His initial response was to execute the Commodore and he even started to put that plan in motion. But then a new idea formed in his mind and he saw a way for the Commodore to play the biggest role in Revan's fall.

_Itis those feelings,your love for Onasi, that I have to twist._ He had to make their love turn to hatred, having those feelings escalate her fall. Once she felt Onasi was lost to her, that he loathed who she had been and who she would become, she would no longer be able to pull strength from him or those feelings. _Their strong passion for one another gives me the perfect opportunity._

_Malak, how pleased you would be to discover that my new puppet is a Republic hero._

He was still refining the technique, seeing how far he could push Revan before her defenses fought back, before Onasi would interfere.

In her dreams he could push her a bit more but again, whenever he went too far Revan would shut him out, relying on her love for the children and Onasi to keep her strong. He knew this left her drained and an emotional wreck. _I will find a way to also use that to further my plans. But for now, I will rely on guiding you to search for your lost memories, convince you they are the way to find the children, coupled with a few pulses of darkness and a slight twist to your passion. Yes, that seems to be working. But it has to be ever so slight, so you won't suspect anything. It will take more time than I want, but for now it is the only way.__The Commodore and his reactions to you will do the rest. And if it doesn't work, I can always just kill him._

Rising fully now, he turned to gaze at the cylinders. They were emitting a blue spark every few seconds. It would dance around their ankles and wrists letting him know that everything was under control. Another, larger spark would follow, trailing down from the top of the cage to the bottom. He was mesmerized as he watched the still bodies of the children and the dance of the sparks, so engrossed he never heard the door slide open and the footsteps that stopped when they reached him.

"Ah, excuse me sir. We just received a transmission that I believe you will be interested in."

The scout turned, narrowing his eyes as he waited for him to continue. "It is a security vid sent from our agent on Triatean'k. He removed it from their database and transmitted it to us. It appears Revan was there."

Dracosk grinned, "I am most definitely interested. Lead the way."

The scouts arms were crossed, resting against his chest as he stood watching the footage sent by their spy. An evil laugh escaped his lips the moment he saw the lightning fly from Revan's fingers. _Yes, use the force Revan, intensify the power of the implant. _He watched the cloud fall over her eyes and the other, subtle changes as the sense of power flowed through her. "Is that all?" He voiced when the footage cut off.

"Sorry Sir. It seems the cameras were short circuited after the third wave of lightning."

"Do we have any word of what happened afterwards?" Dracosk inquired.

"She spoke with an Okalisk merchant but the details of that encounter are unkown."

"FIND OUT!' he roared.

"Sir, we tried. The merchant is dead. His body was found near his kiosk shortly afterwards" came the nervous reply.

"Play it again." Dracosk watched, analyzing every detail as the minutes passed into hours.


	23. Treg

Carth leaned back in the pilot's seat, watching as the planet drew closer. Checking the panels he estimated another forty minutes before they would be able to meet with the next contact on their list. He hoped this one would be more useful, if not, it would be days before they could reach their next destination. And that was time he was getting tired of wasting. Each day that passed left him more worried about the children, more worried about Revan.

His last exchange with her, on Triatean'k, left a knot in Carth's stomach that refused to go away. As they had silently made their way back to the ship, the regret over his last words to her had left him wanting to grab her back and erase them all. He was trying desperately to avoid loving this woman, but yet he couldn't help himself.

Force, he only wanted her, her real self, and his kids. He wanted that family but all of this was pushing him from that. _HE_ was pushing him from that. _That's what you get for loving a former, and perhaps upcoming, Dark Lord, Onasi. Deal with it or drop it. You can't do both. _

But both is what he wanted, he wanted to keep the Revan he knew and drop the Dark Lord Revan. Unfortunately it didn't work that way. And he knew, now he knew, that she was exhibiting too many signs to be ignored. He couldn't love a Dark Lord, could not let himself, and despite the moments when she was her true self, it was just simply not enough. _Force Onasi, what have you gotten yourself into! _He clung to the hope that once they found the children, everything would be fine.

_--------------------------_

Revan waited impatiently for Carth to emerge from the ship. Now that she had a definitive time to meet with their new contact, Treg Unic, she wanted to get moving as soon as possible. She had already scouted the area and even obtained some information about him.

Treg was a smuggler, recently stranded on the planet after his last flight had gone sour. His ship was being held by the local authorities, pending further investigation. It appeared he wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"Finally!" she cried in an exasperated tone as Carth finished locking down the ship. Not waiting for him to reply, she turned, moving towards the location marked on her datapad.

"Treg Unic?" she inquired as she approached the blonde haired human standing by hangar 18.

Treg acknowledged her with a nod and she reached out to shake his outstretched hand. "I'm Revan, this is Carth." She turned her head toward Carth, who was glowering at her, obviously upset that she had given out their names so easily.

"Pleased to meet you, Revan" his voice held an unfamiliar accent, seeming polite enough but otherwise gave no indication if he meant the words. He brought Revan's hand to his lips before turning towards Carth. "Please forgive me if I don't greet you in the same manner." He smiled apologetically.

Carth grumbled something incoherent in reply. He knew immediately that he disliked Treg. The guy had an arrogance about him that was all too familiar. Someone who enjoyed using his good looks and charm to get whatever he wanted. _Or perhaps you are just upset because he kissed Revan's hand. A gesture that had come so easily to this stranger but would be so agonizingly hard for me, despite the past we share. _

Revan blushed at the kiss Treg had placed on her hand and she smiled at him before pulling her hand back to her side. "It's nice to be greeted in such a polite manner."

"Ah, but it is the only way to greet a Lady."

"So, you greet everyone that way?" she inquired.

"Well, only the ladies, if they are male, well, they do not seem to appreciate the gesture as much so I usually just shake their hand." His soft smile gave her every indication that he was trying to ease some of the awkwardness of the meeting.

"Great, a smuggler with manners and a bad sense of humor." Carth grumbled.

"Don't mind him, he's just upset because you didn't kiss his hand." Revan shot back, smirking at Carth.

"To be honest, I wasn't always a smuggler. And I'm afraid I'll never be able to abandon my proper upbringing. Tis a gift and a curse, depending on the situation."

Revan beamed at Treg, "I think in this case it is a gift."

"Does it come with a return policy?" Carth muttered under his breath but it was loud enough for everyone to hear.

"See, what did I tell you? Should have kissed his hand." The two of them broke into laughter at his expense.

Carth remained silent but continued to watch as Revan turned on her charm. The banter between them, as they talked and laughed like old friends, grinding on his nerves until he could not stand it any longer.

"We need information. We were told you could provide that. Or were we misinformed?" he broke in, not disguising his irritation.

Revan appeared more than a bit annoyed, "Relax Carth, we're getting to that. Don't be so gruff."

"Excuse us." Carth barely acknowledged Treg as he grabbed her arm, pulling her far enough away so they wouldn't be overheard. "We are here for information, period! We do not have time for pleasantries."

Revan appeared amused, "Oh, now you want me to be pushy? Back on Triatean'k I recall you getting a bit upset when I challenged the merchant over his evasiveness."

Carth's eyes narrowed, "That was different!"

She smiled playfully at him, "Why, because he wasn't handsome and charming like Treg?" Revan knew she was baiting him, playing on the jealousy that she _hoped_ was there. _I shouldn't be enjoying this so much. _She looked at Carth, innocence breezing through her eyes.

His eyes flared and she knew she had hit the right note. "No, because you were threatening him with some pretty damn bad things. That's why it's different! I just want answers, if we can't get them here, fine, we'll leave. I don't know if I trust him anyway."

"Back to that are we?" she asked, giving him a smug look. "And just how do you think I should get these answers? Obviously not with threats, now it's not with charm either. There is just no pleasing you Onasi! What exactly do you want me to do?" Annoyance entered her tone as she continued, never giving him a chance to speak, "Nevermind, we are going to head to the cantina. You can go back to the ship if you like."

"Not a chance." Came the gruff reply.

Before their conversation went any further, Treg interrupted, obviously concerned about their raised voices, "Is there a problem here?"

"Nope" came the upbeat reply, using the opportunity to avoid any further remarks from Carth, "Just a paranoid pilot. Let's go."

------------------------

A somewhat uncomfortable silence fell over the trio as they gathered at a corner table and ordered dinner and drinks. While they waited for their food to be delivered Carth shifted his gaze between the entrance and his tablemates. His uptight appearance contrasted sharply with the relaxed postures of Revan and Treg.

The arrival of their dinner did nothing to change the atmosphere, only the occasionally small talk between Revan and Treg seemed to prevent the encounter from becoming a total disaster.

"Do you come to the cantina often?"

"More often than I would prefer but I need to eat and I am afraid that I am a terrible cook. I have also never developed a taste for synthesized food."

_Must have starved on your ship then, _Carth thought to himself.

"Well, this is certainly the nicest cantina I have ever been in." Revan looked around, noticing there were no bouncers and the absence of loud unruly customers that usually hung out at cantinas. No real, or even holovids, of Twi'lek dancers. Nor the familiar gambling games in some backroom that usually defined a cantina. Instead, everyone seemed to just be enjoying the nice, quiet ambience.

"I agree. Some of the ones my friends took me to when I first arrived, well, they were not to my liking."

"Your proper upbringing?" she teased.

"Actually, that is probably true," came the embarrassed reply, followed by an eye roll from Carth. "Anyway, you are not here to discuss my past. All I can really tell you is a bit of a personal opinion though. Nothing more I'm afraid."

"That's fine, I'm still interested." The words rolling smoothly from Revan's mouth.

"What I believe is that someone is trying to set up a secret lab. The specifics of the type of droids and the people that were being recruited, I cannot think of any other reason to be hiring them."

"So, what else do you know about this lab and the recruits?" Revan inquired after the waiter had removed their dinner plates and brought them a fresh round of drinks.

Treg took a sip of his drink and waited to speak until he had set it down on the table, "Just that it was a few weeks ago, less than a month." A flush of embarrassment crossed his face, "Hard to remember time actually, being stuck around here with the same things going on day after day." He reached for his drink again, but never brought it to his lips, "At least ten days ago though for sure. I only remember that because it is when I realized I would never have my ship returned to me." He finally brought the drink to his lips, almost finishing it before he placed it back down on the table.

He looked directly at Revan before continuing, "At the time I remember wishing I had taken the offer. But I had been sure things would be cleared up and I would get my ship back." He seemed apologetic, "Because of that I had not been too interested in what was going on. A few friends of mine, that I had been staying with until this mess was finished, were though."

A gentle eyebrow raise from Revan encouraged him to continue. "The rent is paid up until the end of the month, so when they left I was allowed to continue staying there. I have it for a few more days." A brightness entered his face, "Hey, If you two need a place to stay –"

Carth's gaze returned to the table immediately as he cut in, "No thanks."

Treg was apologetic, "Right, sorry, I was just offering. I know how awful ship bunks can be after awhile." He raised his hand to gesture to the waiter, setting his empty glass on the table. "Anyway, they did not tell me much. Just that it was a highly secretive appointment, paid very well and would take them off plant for quite a long time. None of them have any family or place to call home. I can see why they took the offer."

"And you?" Revan inquired.

"Like I said, I thought I would get my ship back…" his voice trailed off when the waiter approached with another round of drinks.

They all watched in silence as a new drink was placed before each of them, their empty glasses being gathered up by the waiter before he moved off to another table.

Revan turned her attention back to Treg, "I meant family." She felt disapproval radiating from Carth, landing on her backside as her body turned towards Treg. "Do you have any family?" her eyes emphasizing interest in the answer.

She honestly didn't know why she had asked the question. _Maybe because he's a nice enough guy and he seems sad, lonely. Or maybe I'm just making simple conversation?_

Treg seemed to shift uncomfortably and he once again turned his attention to his drink when he replied, "Ah, well, I used to. But it just was not in the stars for us. Things did not work out." His eyes drifted, as if lost in memories and Revan could sense the sorrow in him.

"I know what you mean" she thought aloud, chancing a look at Carth, who met her gaze. An unspoken understanding seemed to hover around the table.

Treg brought the drink that had held so much of his attention to his lips, taking a slow swallow before speaking. "I am sorry that one as beautiful and charming as you would ever suffer such pain. He must be a fool."

"So, what will you do now?" Revan asked in a dreamy voice, her eyes remaining locked with Carth's. He seemed about to say something but their gaze was broken when Treg began to speak again and she turned her attention towards him.

"I am, ah, not sure actually. I won't have a place to stay soon and I am shy enough credits for a shuttle off of here. No idea where I would go anyway." He placed the drink back on the table. "Well, that is not true actually. I have some contacts who could probably set me up with some jobs until I could get enough credits for another ship, but for now I do not really know." He was ready to raise the glass to his lips again when he suddenly seemed to become aware of something. "Hey, actually, I know someone who might have the information you are looking for. An old buddy of mine, works for Anthricete Labs. He has connections all over the place. If there was some rival lab being established he would be the first to know. I can tell him to expect you."

"Then it's settled then!" Revan exclaimed triumphantly. "You'll come with us. We'll see how this fits into our route and head there as soon as we can." She smiled, ignoring the shock on the two faces in front of her.

Treg stared down at his drink, unsure how to continue, "Listen, I really appreciate the offer and all, but I'm not sure that is such a good idea."

"Me either" Carth scowled.

Letting her body display the exasperation she was feeling, "Relax flyboy, and Treg, you even said yourself you will soon be without a place to say, with no way off the planet. It's perfect. I'll even give you a few credits for a shuttle if your friend can't set you up with a job."

She barely registered the expression on Carth's face as Treg finally relented. "Well, how can I refuse such an offer? But only if you are sure, I do not want to impose."

"Nonsense, I'm offering."

Gratitude and relief washed over his face, "Listen, are you sure you don't want to spend the night at the apartment? Least I could do in return."

"I said, _No thanks_!"

Revan interjected, "I think what Carth means is that we have to prepare for our departure." She shot a glance towards Carth. _More like I have to get in a fight with him about this and convince him to mind his manners. _"We're on the east side, bay three. We have the spot until tomorrow at nine, so you should come at least an hour before then."


	24. Partial Discovery

Revan settled their tab, preparing herself for the lashing she was about to receive from Carth. Exiting the cantina in silence, the last traces of daylight leaving the sky, they headed back towards _The Rubicon_.

For a brief moment Revan believed there wouldn't be an encounter as they continued their walk in silence. That thought was quickly dashed as Carth's castigation began.

"Just what game are you playing now Revan?"

"Game? What in the galaxy do you mean Carth? He had nowhere else to go, he has information that might be helpful. We can help each other!"

"And we just met him! Now he's invited to stay on our ship. We know _nothing_ about him."

"And that's how we assembled half the crew on the Ebon Hawk, if you remember!"

"Yeah and the _last time_ we had a stranger on our ship he stole _our_ children. If you remember!"

"Carth, you don't know for certain that they are 'our' kids. Right now they are mine. And yes, I remember!" she glared at him, biting back the fury she was feeling while he seemed to hold back from saying something in reply. _Not now Onasi, now isn't the time for that discussion with Revan._

"I don't like this. I don't trust him!"

She stopped, feigning a shocked expression, "Really?" Her dramatics continued, "Oh, what a surprise!"

Seeing he wasn't even slightly amused, her demeanor changed, "Well, I happen to trust him. I feel like this is the right decision!"

His patience seemed to evaporate, "Revan! You just continue to make one bad decision after another!"

Fury rose in her, both at him and his harsh words that rang in her head. "You got that right!" Now that she was started she couldn't stop, "Like not protecting Aaron and Ariana, telling you about them, letting you back into my life."

Carth's fists were clenching at his side, but try as he might, he couldn't prevent the words that came from his mouth, "Try this instead - Parading around as a dark Jedi, desiring to kill people for no reason, _deceiving me_ so you could carry out your little scheme!"

The thoughts running through her mind came out in her voice, "Just what the force are you talking about?" but she was not hearing her own words, nor waiting for a reply from him.

Glimmers, flashes of events played through her head. She felt the raw emotions with each image as they came and left, replaced by another snippet that was as short lived as the last. It was like watching a holovid, but one that made no sense. The events did not seem to follow a pattern.

_She was standing on the Fore Runner, the scout was with her, she was wearing dark Jedi robes, she was locked in a heated kiss with Carth, a red light saber was held at Malaks head. '**Darth Revan'**, the words echoed around the images._

Carth watched as her eyes glazed over, rolling back into her head before she collapsed. "Oh frack, not again!"

-------------------

"Smooth Onasi, real smooth."

She could hear Carth's words distantly but she refused to open her eyes. _I'm not ready to face him, not ready to face anyone. I need to figure this out._

She remained as she was, letting her thoughts guide her as she kept her eyes clasped shut.

_Those images, they were me. Memories, but not all from my dark past. No, they couldn't be, Carth was there and the Scout. When did I meet with him?_

_Think Revan, why are they so foggy? Carth said I did awful things, does this confirm that? Even though I don't remember? But the emotions I felt, they are the same ones that plague me after my dreams, when my memories come back. Whenever I try to remember things._

_These must be some of the events I have been trying to remember. Frack, I'm a schizophrenic. Do I really act like that? What have I done? Carth believes I've deceived him. _

_Oh force, this is why he has been acting so strange. Nice choice of words there, try more like hostile, cold, uncaring. But no wonder, I know how important trust is to him. This must be killing him. What have I done? How have I deceived him? _

_Have I physically hurt him? Wow, he's rubbing off on me, now I'm a paranoid schizophrenic! Okay, let's think Revan, when did this start? _

A smile grew from a small grin to a completely encompassing feature on her face, _Don't ask me, ask the other personality. _Disbelief at her absurd thought in the middle of her current discoveries made her smile burst forth into a full blown laugh as it danced through her head. No more than a split second passed before she felt Carth's presence over her.

Reluctantly, she opened her eyes, "Sorry, just thinking disturbing thoughts."

She saw the concern that left his eyes when she opened hers, and how quickly it returned after she spoke.

"Don't worry," she raised her hand in a dismissive gesture. "I'm not going to go Dark Jedi on you." She grinned, letting her eyes focus, a bit shocked to realize that she was lying in the middle of the street.

"Well, I'm glad." The smile came out but they both knew it was forced, "For a minute I thought you were gone again." He was eyeing her wearily and she knew she wouldn't be able to escape this easily.

"Well, technically, I was, but I know the route now. Decreases the odds of getting lost." She displayed a forced grin that matched his previous one while he looked pained. "Relax it was just a joke."

She forced another smile, "Care to help me up? I feel like a fool lying here in the middle of the street. Not that it's the only reason I feel like a fool."

Carth grabbed her outstretched hands and pulled her to a standing position. Taking a few minutes to make sure she was steady before releasing his grip.

"Thanks!" she took a few careful steps, slowly at first but her pace picked up when she became sure of her footing, acting as if nothing had happened.

Carth caught up to her, falling in step by her side, "You going to tell me what that was all about?"

She seemed to consider this for a moment, "Not really, not until I figure it out myself."

"So that's it? In the middle of our discussion you pass out and I'm supposed to just drop it?" he asked incredulously.

"Yep, pretty much." She didn't miss a step.

"I don't think so!"

"Look, I'm the one who is persistent, not you. So just drop it, okay?"

"Woman, you infuriate me!"

"Glad to see I haven't lost my touch." She winked at him before bursting out in full blown laughter.

The glance he gave her said that this wasn't over, but he remained silent. A wave of relief washed over her, glad that the debate had ended on a light note instead of the angry words that seemed to be the end result of more than a few of their recent conversations. _And I got my way, Treg's coming with us. _She smiled to herself.


	25. Welcome Aboard

Revan was waiting outside when Treg arrived. _Boy, he sure travels light, only one small duffel._

He approached her smiling, setting down his bag before greeting her, again with a polite kiss on her hand. "A pleasure once more Revan."

Her tone was playful "Now that we're crew mates, I don't think you have to greet me so formally every time we see each other."

"I agree." Carth stood at the top of the ramp watching Treg with narrowed eyes. "You're here, we're leaving, let's go."

A sigh escaped from Revan's lips. "Don't worry, he kinda grows on you after awhile." She joked with Treg as they both reached for his bag.

"A lady, let alone my gracious host, should not be carrying a man's bag." He objected.

"You're right!" she said triumphantly. "Carth, grab Treg's stuff while I show him around Rubicon." _Oh, that expression Onasi, priceless! _It left Revan smirking through out the entire tour.

"This is the training room. I managed to pick up a few things yesterday that I'm anxious to try out. Care for a duel?"

Treg took in the various weapons hanging on the wall before turning his gaze to the numerous gadgets strewn around that he had no clue about before finally resting on some familiar items in the far left corner, weights and a punching bag. A surprised look fell over his face, "Spar? Oh no, I am afraid not. I fear I would not even know which end to pick those up by," pointing to the blades.

"You're kidding right? A smuggler who isn't familiar with weapons?"

"Well, as I mentioned briefly before, I was not always a smuggler. And I am afraid I am a bad one at that. I did lose my ship after all."

Excitement prompted Revan to enter the room and grab a few of the practice batons. "Here" she threw one in Treg's direction. "If you're going to be on my ship you better learn how to use a weapon. We'll start with your grip first, then I'll show you some steps and footwork before moving on to some cuts and strikes." Her eyes were gleaming but she could tell he was trying to find a polite way to decline her offer. "Just enough so you can defend yourself, if the need arises." She pleaded.

He let the weight of the baton register as he shifted it between both his hands "Is it too late to reconsider accepting your invitation? I was growing quite fond of that cantina." He gave her a sideways glance so she understood he was only joking.

"Afraid so, I believe our pilot has just taken off. He'll probably want to talk with you soon about where your friend is, so we better get started." Moving to place his hand in the correct position she began their first lesson.

-----------------------------------

"There you are! Dammit, I've been looking all over for you two. I should have know!" Carth saw the sweat beading around Revan's forehead while Treg was dripping with it as he seemed relieved at the interruption.

"I am glad you showed up. I have been trying to get her to quit for the past two hours. She is relentless."

"First thing we agree on! What did you do to deserve this?"

"I just told her I wasn't familiar with weapons."

Carth raised a suspicious eyebrow but refrained from commenting on what he was thinking. _Yeah, like I believe that one. _"Well, then I'm afraid you're in deep trouble. She's not going to stop until you become proficient. Looks like you got some long hours to put in." He couldn't help smiling, _And boy is your body going to ache like hell tomorrow._

"I'll just get the coordinates from you and let you two continue."

"Perhaps I would be more useful piloting the ship, that, at least, is something I am familiar with." Treg knew immediately that he had said the wrong thing as Carth bristled.

"I'm the pilot, nobody touches my ship, got it?"

"I did not mean anything …"

"Flyboy here likes to be in control, besides this is more important anyway. And just to show you that I'm not a slave driver, we'll take an hour break before testing your stamina and strength." She gave him a cheeky grin.

----------------------------

After that Carth knew where he could always find them. He especially enjoyed Treg's reaction the next morning when he climbed down the ladder from the bunking quarters, groaning with each movement. It got even better when Treg almost spit out his breakfast after Revan announced that they would start practicing in an hour. _Serves you right buddy._

Treg tried maneuver his way out, "But I will not be with you for long. I really don't see the necessity…"

Carth was more than happy to shoot this attempt down, "Actually we have at least a four day flight before we reach our next contact. Anthricete Labs is another few days from that, so you'll be with us for at least a week. That's plenty of time for Revan to turn you into an adept sword user. If you're lucky, she might even let you sleep once in awhile." _And while you're busy with her I can check your bag, scan your room..._

"Carth?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you had anything more appropriate that Treg could borrow for his lessons. His clothes are much too restrictive for the moves we need to work on today."

_Fat chance. _Carth looked over the physique of the other man. His arms were muscular but his chest didn't seem sturdy as it gave way to a slender waist and legs that together wouldn't span one of Carth's. "I don't think so."

"Okay, sorry Treg, you'll just have to go shirtless and um, in your skivvies." _Ha, what do you think of that Onasi!_

"My what?" came the choked reply as Treg tried to remain composed.

If Carth enjoyed the other look, when Treg had almost spit out his breakfast, this one was even better. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to appreciate it, as he moved out of the galley, "Well, maybe I can find something."


	26. My Mistake

Revan fell back on her bunk, thoroughly exhausted but enjoying every minute of it. _Force, if I'm exhausted I can't imagine how Treg feels. Hah, the look on Carth's face when he realized I was serious about having Treg work out in his underwear. _Her body shook as she tried to hold back a laugh.

_Okay enough of that, let's sort some of this other stuff out. When do I switch gears? Is there a way I can tell, prevent it perhaps? It has to be when I get overcome with my emotions. So, I can't let Onasi piss me off. Oh boy, that's like asking a Jedi Master to use a red light saber crystal. I can hear it now, 'Young apprentice, you are aware that would be tempting the dark side, we cannot allow it.'_

_Wait, tempting the dark side, that's what I'm doing isn't it? Anger, fear, aggression … But why, how? Not consciously, in my dreams perhaps? When I try to remember… but I have to remember for Aaron and Ariana's sake. And I'm not dreaming when these things happen. No, it has to be something else. _

_The scout, I saw him with me – I feel like … I don't know, like there is something I need to remember. Why would I talk with him, when did I talk with him? Wait … let the force guide you Revan – you can remember – you can - _

She felt her body being wrapped in warmth, a comfort that she desperately needed. She felt complete, she felt whole. And then, like a sudden meteor shower had fallen, her body was being abused. The drifting mass found its targets, carving a notch into everything it came in contact with. When the battery ended a dark hole was there, sucking the life from her, stealing time and space, taking everything it could into its whirlwind. The scouts face flashed before her and understanding seemed to dawn. But it was too late … she could not escape. She tried desperately to grab the last remaining fray of what was herself as it tried to leave her. It was the rope in a game of tug of war and she was loosing, she couldn't hold on – he was wrenching it from her grasp and she was powerless to stop it. _Nooooo_, and then she felt the shock electrify her body as it snapped back. As if he had let go while she was still pulling. Everything exploded in a flash of light.

Revan bolted straight up as if feeling the explosion, _Ah frack, why the hell did the force turn on me like that? Is the scout doing this to me? _

_Well, I definitely can't sleep now, _she thought, dragging her weary body off the bed._ I need to think, prepare, and now that Treg's not with me I can work with my light saber. _Decision made she padded down the hall, entering the familiar room. But it did not offer her the peace and solitude she was looking for, instead, in front of the punching bag, she found Carth.

His stance was solid as he changed his hand and fist positions. It had to be or else the heavy bag would knock him over as it swayed back and forth at him. She watched his muscles flex as the bag swung into him, delivering a shock to various parts of his arm as he shifted his stance every few minutes when it moved away. She had seen him do this many times before, his special technique that wasn't for muscle gain or fighting style, just electrical stimulation to his arms that he insisted allowed him to deliver a powerful punch without suffering from the force of the impact when it landed on its target. _But it's never seemed so damn sexy before._

Her eyes moved to the muscular legs that were only partially covered in his exercise attire. Her gaze followed up his legs stopping while she drunk in the tight buttocks. She must have been sending a powerful look because in the next instant his legs seemed to loosen up as if feeling the gaze. The bag rocked back towards him and he let out an "Oomph" when it landed on his unprepared body. He stumbled back, loosing his footing as Revan rushed to quickly provide him with support.

She was in great shape but her small form was no match for the solid body that was crashing into hers. All her air escaped in one breath, "Ohh" as they both landed on the floor, his weight crashing into her.

He spun off of her quickly, "Damn, Revan are you alright?"

Her body remained still as she tried to recover from the impact, only able to give him a slight nod as she concentrated on breathing air back into her lungs. It still felt like a huge weight was sitting on her chest and she felt parts of her body retaliating, ones that she never even knew she had. _Man, that was worse than a force push! I never knew he was so … solid. How could I never have realized that before? Well, it's not often he acted like a lead weight when we were together…_

"You almost killed me Onasi." Regretting that she let out what little bit of air she had returned to her lungs.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. But if you don't mind, I think I'll just stay like this for awhile. Quietly."

"Quietly huh? Well, that will be a first." He said as he ran a hand through his hair and grinned at her sheepishly. His hand moved to rub across his chest, "Sorry, I would have stopped myself if I could."

She was watching his every movement, amazed at her new discovery of the man she thought she knew so well. _I want to feel that solid body again, not the soft caring one that you always present to me. I want to be the one running a hand over your chest, through your hair, down to those tight …_

"Carth? I'm sorry."

"I knew you couldn't stay quiet." He grinned but then his face became concerned, "Are you sure you're okay? Enough oxygen and all, cause you uh, you seem ready to pass out again."

"Yes. No, wait. I think my arm is broken." _Do you still love me? Do you still feel the passion that I do?_

"Your arm? Damn, let me take a look." He kneeled down next to her, reaching carefully towards her, "Which one?"

"Other side" she mumbled, watching him carefully as he leaned over her, supporting his weight with his other arm.

She took that moment to bring both her hands up around him, running one down his back as she pulled him closer with the other. _Tell me you love me, that you forgive me …_

He suddenly became aware of how close their bodies were and the feeling of her touch on his skin. _Oh Revan, you so tempt me, the feeling of your arms around me – _Suddenly the realization dawned on him that her arm was working just fine as she pressed her lips against his, demanding them to kiss her back. And in that moment he obliged, pushing her back, letting their last kiss emblazon itself into his mind, into his very soul. Finally, he relented, releasing her lips, he pulled away, pushing himself back to an upright position. "No more Revan, that's it."

Raising her upper body she brought her knees up, wrapping her arms around them. _You have your answer. _A look of innocence opened up on her face as she stared at his towering form. "I just wanted to feel you, touch you again. Is that so wrong?"

"Yes! Dammit woman, I'm tired of games. I can't live like that, I'm just not built that way."

"I'm sorry, I thought you might forgive me, but apparently you can't." She released her knees and pushed herself upright. Looking directly into his eyes as her own grew foggy with burning tears, a small, choked voice echoed, "My mistake," And then the owner of the voice turned away, abandonment clear as her body shrank in destitution.

"Wait" he reached out but stopped inches from her body. "Is there something else you wanted?"

She stood frozen, unable to turn around, unable to leave, "Besides you?"

_Carth? _She paused, waiting for some sort of reply, some gesture to her comment, but nothing, just an eerie silence filled the room. "No, not really."

And then she disappeared, leaving as quietly as she had arrived. Only this time he was aware of her presence and the emptiness it left when she was no longer there.


	27. A Story to Tell

_A/N – For anyone interested you can email me for a sketch of Treg. (I will try to post a link on my profile page when I get a chance)._

----------------------------

When Revan returned to her room she believed she had every answer she needed. _He hates me and and I felt his disgust with me too. The Masters were right, a Jedi should not love, it is too powerful an emotion. Now I have to deal with his hate too. How could I have been so blind? How could I have forsaken the Jedi code for a man? What was I thinking? I was fine without him before, I will be fine without him again. But I need to stop this pain in my heart first. It was so different when I left before, when I felt he still loved me. But now, I have nothing. I have lost the only things that kept me going, Carth, Aaron, Ariana... Dammit, I hate him. How could he do this to me? Why did he do this to me? He said he loved me. Til the end of the galaxy or something stupid like that. Idiot, I have been an idiot. Damn you Carth Onasi! _Her eyes closed as she fell into a fitful sleep.

-----

_She was standing on a ship, she could see the Jedi gathered around her through her mask. The power was flowing through her strongly and she felt no fear, she knew she would be able to defeat them. But then the ship rocked, Who the hell was firing on them? And then awareness hit her just as the next blast did. MALAK! You have betrayed me. How dare you turn on me like this! You… and then all went black._----

-----

---------------------------------

"Getting used to that synthesized food yet?" Revan inquired as she stepped into the galley.

"Never, but it tastes better when you are hungry. Which, thanks to your lessons, seems to be quite often." Treg pushed away from the table slightly, signifying he was done with the plate in front of him. It was barely touched.

"Yeah, about our lesson, sorry I'm so late. But don't worry, I'll just grab some caffa and then we can get started. You are progressing and we only have a few days left to get you ready." She grabbed a cup of steaming liquid and slumped into a chair across from him.

"You look – tired. Are you feeling okay?" his concern seemed genuine.

Revan was staring into her mug but managed to look up at him when she spoke, "I'm fine, just have a lot on my mind."

"Right, the business that sent you looking for me?"

"Yeah" she said, taking a sip from the mug.

"You are worried about something?" he pressed.

"About a lot of things actually." She sighed.

"Is there anything I can do to help? To help ease some of what is bothering you?"

_What would he think if I told him, even just a small part of my life. I do wish I had someone to talk to but this poor innocent man is not it. I should never have invited him along. If anything would happen to him. What was I thinking?_

"You really should not worry so much. Some things in life you cannot control. And spending time regretting or wondering about things will never be able to change what has already happened."

_Hmm, if he only knew how much those words applied to me. Ah hell, they probably apply to everyone at some point. But it is nice to hear something reassuring. Maybe he is someone I could confide in. Perhaps…_

Her thoughts stopped when the galley door slid open and Carth stepped through. His gait paused for a slight second, apparently surprised that they were still there, but he recovered quickly and moved to grab a cup of caffa. "No lesson today?" he asked while pouring a mug.

"I am afraid I have been not been given such a reprieve. Unless, of course, you might be able to change Revan's mind."

Carth set the pot back down, holding onto his mug in a tight grip. His eyes moved from Treg to Revan. _Change her mind? Wish I could. _He turned and left with no comment.

"I do not think he likes me very much." Treg commented, after Carth had turned and abruptly left the room, never remarking on his attempt at conversation.

Revan stood, drowning the last of her caffa, "To tell you the truth, I don't think he likes me very much either. Ready?"

----------------------------------------

The lesson wasn't going well and it didn't take an experienced fighter to realize that. Revan had abandoned her usual teaching method and instead had sent Treg off on his own to practice moves they had already gone through together. Ones that he had already mastered enough to move on to something more useful, if he were to progress.

Instead of being along side of him, encouraging, correcting and making him challenge himself, Revan sat alone in the corner, lost in thought, not even paying attention.

She was breaking. Her body was breaking. The shattered pieces of her broken heart were ripping and tearing apart everything still inside her. The jagged ends piercing into places with a pain that no sword blade could ever match. It was a pain that could not be healed with a med pac nor the force. It was so intense that it was hard to imagine living to the next minute, let alone an hour or a day. _How can I go on? But I have to, for my children I have to. _

The ache in her chest rose to her throat and she was finding it hard to breathe. She was in such agony, such pain that it blocked her from her surroundings. If she were to encounter an enemy now, she would be easy to defeat, for she was already defeated. Yes, she would be an easy mark because nothing else seemed to matter anymore. _Is this how he felt when I left him on Coruscant?_

_Force, I can't stand the way he looks at me. I've had heartache before but never heart break. I don't know if I should hate him or feel sorry for myself. Maybe both. He talks about trust, well I trusted him too. He said everything would be alright, that we would find Aaron and Ariana together. And now ... _

"Hey," Treg sat down in front of her, deep concern showing on his face. "Listen, I know you probably do not want to talk to me, but you look like you could use a friend. Maybe you should go speak with Carth?"

Treg tried to recover as he saw a look of horror fall over her face, "I am sorry if I said something wrong. I just thought that maybe he knew more about what is going on. Someone you could talk to. I know I have not known you for long, but you do not seem to be yourself today."

_He's trying to nicely say you look like hell Revan. Argh, that's so, so, sweet actually. Like I deserve that, I'm loosing my mind, have lost the man I love and my own children and he's being sweet as he tries to tell me I look like bantha dung. _

"Revan, I do not know what you are going through but I do know about hard times. About trying to reconcile things in your own head. Everyone has their own story about how hard life has been to them and I am afraid that I am no exception. But trust me, it does get better."

"Treg, listen, thanks for the concern and all but you have no idea. And you are right, everyone has their own tough times to live through. Unfortunately, it seems that is all I can attract. Right now, I just want to – I wish – well, for once I feel like it is something that I will not be able to rectify. I could always concentrate on something that would make everything right or something I could do to make it right. And if you told me I had to fight through 500 people to fix it, I would, no question. None of this - what I'm feeling now, allows for that. This is something I have no control over, there is no enemy to fight, no quest that will solve it. I just, I just feel so lost, powerless. Like I am just a puppet with no power to carry out …" She broke into a flood of tears, letting the pain wash over her, letting it seep through every part of her. She had no desire to fight anymore. She let it rake through her body and it came out in powerful sobs before gaining strength and running its course again.

Treg had never expected his confident, powerful trainer to react in such a way and his discomfort showed as he tried to figure out what to do. He reached out a hand and patted her shoulder but brought it back to his side as he realized it did nothing in the way of comfort. "Perhaps, perhaps if you heard my story, you would not feel so lost." He leaned back, his arms behind him to support the weight of his upper body.

"As I mentioned, I was not always a smuggler. Very knew to it in fact. I grew up in a long standing, respectable, wealthy family. Servants waited on me hand and foot and my life was easy, very easy. My parents gave me everything I wanted and I continued to want more as I tried to find my way in life. One day I found my future, in an incident that probably should not have changed my life, but for some reason it did. One of our long time servants, Lenna, had become ill and we were told that she was going to die. My father had some visitors to the house at the time, they wanted him to fund a project on some remote planet that had an advanced knowledge in curing illnesses. They convinced him by curing Lenna." Treg leaned into an upright position and placed his hands in his lap.

"After that, I had no other goals. I wanted to be able to save people, to find advanced cures for others. I wanted to change the galaxy. I even envisioned my name in holovids, praising Treg Unic, the one who discovered the way to eradicate the biggest illnesses plaguing the galaxy." A laugh of past memories and childhood dreams left his lips.

"I worked hard, for once in my life. When I won the commission to study alongside, who I considered, the greatest scientist of the time, I was more than a bit thrilled. I definitely had visions of grandeur. And a bit of arrogance, which, unfortunately, led to my downfall."

Treg shifted his position and noticed that Revan was now looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I carried out a lot of the daily logging at first. As I proved my ability I gained more of his confidence. My commission was renewed, year after year, and my knowledge of the program grew until I was pretty much running it myself. All I needed was my own discovery, my own idea, to reach fruition before I fulfilled all those goals I had set for myself." A brief moment of regret seemed to play across his eyes before he found the voice to continue.

"I was spending all my time in the lab. I slept there. I ate there, hiring my own personal chef even. I thought I had all the answers, I just needed that final bit of proof which could only come from a real experiment." He became apologetic, as if what he had done had a personal impact on the person he was telling the story to.

"You have to understand that I had no funding. Yes, my father had money, but that was not how it worked. My discovery would not be credible if my father was the sponsor. I needed my own, but I had no recognition. So, I believed that if I could just prove it once, then the funding would come. And I could branch out on my own. Make a name for myself, outside of my family. I did exactly what you are never supposed to do, ever. Everything I had been taught, everything I knew was right – I went against that. And it decided the rest of my life."

A long moment of silence followed before Revan encouraged him to continue, "What happened?"

"I experimented on myself. And my work … was not infallible. It, well, it reacted in a way that I had never foreseen. None of my notes or other experiments had ever had those results. I lost everything. My wife, she was carrying our first child at the time. She was the one who found me at the lab, I had severe mental impairment, part of my brain was destroyed, cortex damage, a host of other things. She uh, she ended up loosing the baby and despite that it would have happened anyway, well, she never forgave me. Blamed it on me." Silence drifted like a slow moving cloud.

"It was only through my extensive notes that Sargak, my mentor, was able to determine what was wrong. Some of the damage they were able to fix, rectify. Other things I had to learn again. But, I was no longer a scientist. Even if I could remember all my training, relearn it, I was finished in name. Nor did I have a wife or child to go home to."

He rose, walking around the room with no direction. "I spent years back with my parents before I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to create my own life, once again. But I was like an innocent child. I had my experiences and all the pain that went with them, but the knowledge I had lost. I've been trying my hand at a few different things. The last was being a smuggler, which, has not worked out too well." His lips drew out in a thin line and it seemed like they would break the hardened face.

"So you see Revan, I know what it is like to lose things. To regret past decisions, live with them and believe there is no hope for a future. But I try anyway, because that is all I have left." His pace returned him to her just in time for his legs to give way as the story drained the last remaining strength from him. The sadness darkened his features, making him look years older.

"I only hope that my story has helped you in some way. I have never spoken to anyone about it before. And I thank you for listening."

"Thank you for confiding in me." The pause she gave, as she readied herself for what she was about to do, sent chills down his spine.

"And I too have a story to tell…"


	28. Incoming Message

Carth had gone over their route, even had a few backup courses ready, in case of trouble, if they had to fly under the radar. There wasn't much left to do, except think. Think about Revan and how he couldn't bring himself to trust her anymore. Even when he knew she was the same person he remembered.

The arm thing, it would have been funny before, easy enough to see a time when he would have found the gesture so alluring, that she had wanted him so badly she would play a trick like that on him. Things were different now though, the damage had already been done, and there was no way he could get past that, to enjoy her effort at bringing him to her mercy.

_The way she looked after … I crushed her. I know I did. But what am I supposed to do? _

The controls lit up, signifying an incoming message and Carth could feel his heart racing as he secured the transmission. _Dammit Juhani, it's about time!_

"Communication secured" the droid spurred. Carth hit the button, letting himself fall back into a seat as he did so.

The image of Juhani appeared before him and she began to speak almost immediately.

"I have tracked the ship to its destination but I do not have much more to report right now. I'll begin my exploration and contact you again afterwards. I would have made contact sooner but this area is riddled with Sith. I was unsure if it would be safe. Even now I worry, so we must be brief. I am anxious to hear how things are going with Revan."

Carth ran a hand through his hair, "Not good. Juhani, I can't do this. She's falling, I realize that now, and I'm trying but…"

The holovid gave her a less then in-person impression but she noticed the bags that had formed under his eyes. He looked ragged, hurt and she couldn't help but wonder what exactly had been happening in her absence.

"I know this is hard for you Carth. What other signs has she exhibited?"

"Frack Juhani, almost everything noteworthy is a sign. But, I can't help but wonder, before, on the quest for the Star Forge, would it have seemed the same way?"

"You know that answer, her actions then did not speak of any darkness. How are her actions now compared to them?"

His hand ran through his hair again and he brought both hands up to rest against his chin. "She, uh, she tried to alter the deal during the ship exchange." _No way I'm going to tell you that she was wearing dark Jedi robes. _Carth shifted uneasily. _Why do I continue to protect her?_

"In what way?" was her simple response.

"What way do you think?" He sighed, realizing how important those words were. _No, she isn't acting like she did on the Star Forge mission. She wanted to kill them, did everything in her power to bring it about. Why she revealed her plan to me I'll never know, but at least it saved the incident from happening_.

"Carth? And after, how was she right after?"

Carth felt himself filled with regret and embarrassment when he replied, "I don't honestly know. I was disgusted, upset." _My pride was hurt. "_I avoided her until we landed on Triantean'k."

He noted the scowl on Juhanis' face before he continued, "We got in a fight before we met with the contact. Who, by the way, told us nothing, even when Revan was more than a bit aggressive. I had to pull her away, she would have… it doesn't matter now."

"And the others?" she asked.

"One is right here, on the ship. He thinks there is a laboratory being established and he knows someone who might be able to tell us more. We'll be heading there in a few more days."

"Do you trust him?"

"You know the answer to that, but Revan seems to."

"You still trust her instincts?"

His hand washed over his face, "I guess, sometimes."

"So that is it? I know there are things you aren't telling me. Although I am not sure if it is because you refuse to admit them to yourself or if you simply are choosing to not express them to me."

"Juhani, look, it's personal. I haven't exactly been able to remain a gentleman. I love her and at the same time … I can see what she is becoming and it scares me. I avoid her because it tests everything I have, but there are times when she is just Revan, the Revan I know. I, honestly, I don't know if I can do this. I don't know if I should be doing this. My thoughts are conflicting. You'll never be able to understand." He finished, regretting that he had revealed so much, but it was good to let it out. To let out some of what he had been feeling, even though it didn't begin to touch the surface of it all. Revan had taught him that much. When he brought the children into it, well, that was just more than he could deal with right now. He was tired, so tired of fighting against himself, for what he knew in his heart.

"I know I am asking a lot Carth, but you know how high the stakes are. Do not give up on her. Try not to let your hate overshadow your love."


	29. A Toast

"I know I am asking a lot Carth, but you know how high the stakes are. Do not give up on her. Try not to let your hate overshadow your love."

Carth's mind raced wildly. _What? What the hell did she mean? All I have been feeling was love, and all the pain that came with it! _

"Carth you have to talk about it with her, you have to be strong for her when she cannot be strong for herself. Do not hate her for being the former Dark Lord. Understand and accept how it will shape her future. And then convey that to her. Carth! I must go! Take care of Revan. Don't let yourself be consumed by hate, I hear it in your voice. I will be in touch."

He didn't even realize that the communication had been ended by Juhani, at least not until he finally looked up and saw … absolutely nothing in front of him. Nothing, an emptiness where once a holovid had appeared. Nothing, where once a future had been. No longer did he see himself with Revan, or even with Aaron and Ariana. He just saw nothing.

_Nothing as long as I act like this! You finally have a chance to do something Onasi, are you just going to just sit by and let it happen or are you going to do something about it? _

_Okay Revan, we'll make this work, I'll make this work, as long as I know you still love me. I'll swallow my pride, and dammit, you won't fall. _

-------------------------

Revan was sitting on a chair facing Treg, as he relaxed on a lower, oversized stuffed seat. It was the most comfortable one in the room, on the entire ship in fact, and was large enough to hold more than one person, if they didn't mind being close. Indeed, it had been one that Revan envisioned sharing with Carth when she first saw it. But now it looked simple, like just another seat, holding the body of someone that wasn't who she had pictured. She preferred that Treg was sitting there, instead of her, so she wouldn't have to remember the person she had imagined sharing it with.

Treg looked comfortable, almost sleepy as he looked up at Revan through half closed eyes. Their lesson had been abandoned after she had shared the most intimate moments of her life with him. He had not judged her, instead he had left, only to return with a bottle of, what he called, a slight grin on his face, "The best cure for our hopeless lives." And indeed it was, after just a few drinks they had both forgotten the melancholy mood that had resulted from their disclosures.

It was hard to remember now, but somewhere around their fourth drink, they had abandoned the training room in lieu of a more comfortable setting. There weren't many choices on the ship, aside from the bunks, and they had settled into the common room without much thought.

"So, you think Sargac can help us?" Revan asked, not wanting a complicated answer.

"I dunno, prolly." His voice displaying the effect of his numerous drinks. "He's the best I ever knew. Gave me back my life after all. If anyone can help, it's him."

His slitted eyes opened wide, "A toast" bringing his half filled glass into the air, "to us, for managing to carry on, despite the odds."

She smiled, raising her glass to meet his, "And to great booze to wash it all away!"

They both laughed as they brought the drinks to their lips.

Treg took a long swallow, "Ya know, I'm a bit jealous." He moved to grab the bottle on the table, pouring it into his glass before raising it towards Revan, who obliged, bringing hers to meet the bottle as he poured. "I lost my memories and got to fly around as a half baked smuggler, you lost yours and got to fly around saving the galaxy. Sumthin's wrong there. I was ripped off!"

He brought his glass up in toast, "To Revan, the Dark Lord, double cross, gone wrong thingy."

Their glasses clanked together, a huge smile escaping Revan's lips, "Ya know, you're pretty funny."

"And you're pretty … " He reached out, pointing at her, growing silent as he leaned back into his chair – his eyes moved down before bringing them up to meet hers. He finished with a half cocked smile, "pretty."

An electric current seemed to move across the room, connecting the two people to one another as it left its charge. Revan took a huge swallow from her glass, taking in the appearance of Treg.

He was so different from Carth. His dusky blonde hair was stick straight, parted in the middle, and fell in a disheveled manner around his head before it grew shorter as it grew closer to his ears. More than a few careless strands cascaded down his brow. When he brushed them away they fell into a nice feathered look with the rest of his hair but eventually fell back down carelessly. His eyes were a deep blue, so blue sometimes that it startled her, holding such meaning. They were soft, and telling, and invited you into them. Just one earnest glance and one was left with a desire to explore them more. The way they were set low in his face, behind his prominent cheekbones, gave them such depth. Although his nose was probably the more memorable feature. It was elegant, it spoke of regality, appearing almost chiseled out of his face. It gave him a distinct, regal appearance that helped to draw one down to the thin lips below. Lips that rested nicely on the defined chin underneath. When he clenched his jaw in determination the strength of his jawline left one in awe. He was truly a man of nobility, but as Revan had come to know, he was so much more…

Flaming, hot fire ran ramped through his stomach until it burned its way up into his chest. It left his stomach with a charred, sickening feeling as he witnessed the intimacy of the moment. "Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" Carth bellowed. "We have an assignment to carry out tomorrow and you both are sitting around getting drunk!"


	30. Confrontation

"Gimme a break Onasi. I've never let my personal … _time,_ interfere with my 'mission' before, I'm not about to start now." Rising on wobbly feet Revan continued, "I have to use the 'fresher."

The anger that was radiating off of Carth as he waited for Revan to exit left the air thick and hard to breath. His brow was crossed so deeply that his voice didn't need to convey his meaning. He turned on Treg, trying to shock the man that had just crossed some unforgivable boundary, "She has two kids you know."

Treg's amused look didn't change, but his tone was serious, "Yeah, I know." He brought his glass to his lips.

"I'm their father." He countered, strength and determination in his voice.

"Might" Treg's hand pointed wildly, finger raised, "might be, there's always Malak." His hand returned to his drink now sitting on the table, ready to bring it to his lips.

In one swift movement Carth smacked the glass, now in mid-air, from Treg's hand, sending it crashing into the wall. "Do not **_ever _**mention that name again. _Or_ think that you know more about Revan, more about what is happening, than I do! She doesn't even …" he stopped. _I don't have to explain anything to you!_

The intimidation that Carth had tried to exude seemed to have lost its path as Treg simply smirked, "There's something you haven't told her, isn't there?" He shook his head, "Why would you do that to her?" He looked up at Carth, amused, "She talks, acts, as if she has done something so wrong – but all in all, despite everything, deep down, she's still the same person, if you'd ever stop and look. Way I see it, you're the one who has a problem, not her." Treg leaned back in the chair, with no care about how Carth would react to what he said. "So, why haven't you told her what you know?"

Carth stiffened, clenching his hand, ready to land a satisfying blow to the side of Treg's jaw, "Stay out of this!" He took a few steps towards him, challenging him to stand up so he could land the punch that was begging for release.

"Ut oh, I'm interrupting something." Revan commented as she walked back into the room. "From the icy chill in the air, I arrived just in time. Carth, sit, have a drink, _relax_." She grabbed the bottle, looking around for Treg's glass, her eyes rose.

"I uh, need a new one, tried to grab it too quickly – smash, crash, oops." Pointing towards Carth, "I'll get one for Onasi too," he rose, moving to the galley to grab what would suffice as a cup. _My mother would not be pleased to learn that one of the family heirlooms was just smashed by you Onasi. You're lucky I respect Revan._


	31. Very Soon

Juhani took a glance back at her ship, deciding that it was hidden well enough in the giant smoke stack. She looked back down at the device in her hand before deciding her direction. She traveled the terrain with remarkable speed, avoiding the large pits scattered about. _I have to search the tracked ship and get some answers as quick as possible. _She thought back to her conversation with Carth, _I know he will put duty first, but have I asked too much of him? A_ group of guards outside the hangar shifted her concentration to them, instead of her unfinished thoughts.

---------------------

"I'm sorry to disturb you sir, but there's a transmission we are unable to account for. We are tracing it now, but it is not from any of our vessels."

The scout turned, unleashing a wave of fury at the hapless soul that had brought him the unnerving message.

He jerked his head toward the others, disregarding the fallen recipient of his anger, "Find out who it is, bring them to me."

_I've wasted enough time. This ends now! _"Eliminate the Commodore!"

He watched as they scrambled to carry out his orders before turning away. _Soon Revan, very soon!_

---------------------------

Walking around the room, as if trying to avoid some invisible trap, Carth began, "How much did you tell him?"

Rising from her seat, legs a bit wobbly, she met Carth's eyes, "Everything!" Her brow crossed as she turned, grabbing her drink from the table before slumping into the comfy chair. "And I don't regret it one bit."

Eerie silence drifted through the room, the minutes stretching, until it was finally broken.

"I believe these will do" Treg replied, holding up two mugs as he entered. He poured a drink into each, setting down the one for Carth on the table before turning a raised eye to Revan, who was sitting in his seat.

She patted the large cushion, "There's room, sit."

The way he cocked his head told her that he knew she was using him to garner jealousy from Carth, but he didn't object. In fact, he sat down and draped his arm around her. Raising his new mug, he toasted, "To the past, and a better future."

Revan shot him a coy grin as she brought her glass to his mug before looking to Carth. His fury was evident as he stood, stiff straight, glaring at them. She brought her glass up high, inviting him to join in the toast. "Onasi?"

He took a long swallow of the liquid, smashed his mug down on the table and replied, "We land at Oh-nine hundred tomorrow. You both better be ready."

Revan watched as he left, feeling his fury, before she leaned back into Treg. Her head fell back against his neck, "I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry I used you Treg."

He brought his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him, finally able to provide her with the comfort he wasn't able to earlier in the day. But they had been through so much, learned so much about one another, found out they had a similar past. They had grown so close in such a short time span and everything felt so comfortable as their bodies fit together in the chair. "Don't worry, he'll come around Revan, he still loves you." He brushed a kiss across the top of her head before leaning his chin against it. "He just needs time."

Revan leaned back into Treg's hold, letting his reassuring words wash over her, wishing they were true. But she knew better. She knew how determined Carth was once he set his mind to something, and right now she felt that he had set his mind to hating her. _And so will I, so will I. _With a final sigh she fell asleep, glad to have some comfort in the midst of all her turmoil.


	32. Admit It

_A/N – Inserting begging for feedback here. It keeps a writing going and wow, have I really been going on this story. Every free moment I have I devote to pursuing this and I need to know if it is worth it. Your effort in reviews is reflected in my effort in continuing  Luvs – good to see you back, I was wondering where you went! MANY MANY thanks to my idea creating, fuel for my coffers, keep me going, always striving to make the story clearer, better, ever so wonderful, can't say enough about Beta reader – SARAH! The time she has devoted is absolutely amazing! Without her I'm afraid none of this would be possible. Thank you for all your time and effort in making this a better story! _

_----------------------------------------_

Carth approached her sleeping form, the one resting comfortably against Treg, still in the chair where he last saw them the night before.

His angry gaze more than his words brought her from sleep, "We have a situation, the Republic is here in all its fanfare. It will take awhile but I can manage a safe landing. Considering I didn't return the _Fore Runner, _it might be best if I stayed on the ship once we land."

Revan rose immediately, wrestling her hand from under Treg's sleeping body. It escaped from his weight, trailing down his side as she spoke, "When do we land?"

"Late evening, if we're lucky, but most likely tomorrow." Carth replied, turning, but not before giving her a look, letting her know he had seen the way her hand had glided over Treg's sleeping form.

Treg shifted as he woke, bringing his eyes to Revan, "What's wrong?"

"Change of plans, get some rest. No mission or training today, I have to see if I can figure out why the republic has paid this planet a visit."

"Woah, wait." The last traces of sleep leaving him, he grabbed her hand before she had a chance to leave. "There has to be something I can do."

Revan thought a moment, "You could make me some caffa, I'll be in the control center."

------------

The aroma arrived long before the person. "Here's you caffa. Now care to tell me what's going on and why I can't do more than be your servant?"

Grabbing the liquid, entering a few more movements with her fingertips followed by an exchange with X-14, she turned to Treg.

"There's an entire Republic fleet above the planet, it's delayed our landing. There has to be a reason for it and I'm trying to see what I can find out." As a follow up she offered, "Sorry about the caffa thing, I really needed some and I couldn't think of anything else for you to do at the time."

"More of that 'trouble always follows you' thought?"

She smiled at his perception.

"So, is there something I can do? Besides bring you caffa?"

"Not unless you know how to break into transmissions, unlock security codes, redirect…"

"Okay, I got it. I'll just bring you caffa."

"And you do it so well." The smile escaped her lips before the mug hid its view.

Their mugs were emptied as Revan continued her efforts. Unable to yield any results she finally turned with a forlorn appearance and faced Treg. "This isn't working."

"And that upsets you why? Did you really believe it would be so easy to infiltrate an entire ruling governments security measures?"

"To be honest, yes. Before… things seemed to just happen so easily, but lately, now …"

"You think you've lost your touch?"

"Very perceptive Mr. Unic"

"Not perceptive at all, it's written all over your face. Along with some guilt and failure." He drained the last of his caffa.

"Am I that easy to read?" she asked.

"Somewhat, I think it's more of what you've told me, and how it contrasts with what I see now that makes it so perceptible."

"Contrasts? How?"

"What immediately springs to mind is that you aren't using your Jedi powers to guide you."

"I can't…"

"No indication that it would have stopped you before, so what's the real reason Revan?" his eyes bore into hers.

"No other reason."

"If you want to convince me, you are doing a lousy job. If you want to convince yourself, perhaps you are succeeding." He stood, grabbing the mugs, "If you just prefer not to tell me that is fine, but at least admit it to yourself Revan."

------------------

The mug appeared in front of her hanging head, oblivious to its preceding aroma. "Caffa man at your service."

Both hands grasped the mug as she brought it to her lips, "Thanks." She waited until he sat down, "You win." A small, painful smile erupted, "I'm, well, I'm having a hard time with the force lately. It's harder for me to access and sometimes when I do … I wish I wouldn't have. It's disturbing. I wonder if all the things I have been feeling, emotionally, have caused this. A Jedi without the force Treg, well, a Jedi we are not. Perhaps I have forsaken enough of the traits that the power is lost to me now, the price I have to pay for turning to the darkside before. I don't know, I don't have the answers anymore, since Malachor, since the children..." her voice trailed off. _Since Carth. _"I remember things, it's sketchy, but before we traded in the _Fore Runner_ for _Rubicon_, I felt such a strong impulse. I had some very dark thoughts then Treg. I remember struggling, within myself, calling silently to Carth, to save me from what I was about to do. I tried … I think I succeeded, but not before I hurt him, not physically but… That's not the only time I've had these dark feelings … and then after, I just feel so empty, so overcome with guilt, remorse, pain. I feel like I don't know who or what I am anymore. I'm scared, for the first time I can remember, I'm scared and I just don't know how to deal with it."

He stretched his legs, "Perhaps you were never meant to be a Jedi. What defines one? If you feel you have constantly gone against that, well then, maybe you never were one."

The mug slid from her grasp, spilling brown liquid around as she stood, "You have a lot of nerve!"

He rose to meet her challenge, voice ever so calm, "I'm just saying that you shouldn't live a lie. I've heard enough about your life and how it doesn't fit in with the Jedi code. I can see that, and I know you can see that. Perhaps that is what led you along the path you traveled. You need to accept who you are, who you were." He smiled then, "And realize that you are not an exceptional person because you are a Jedi, but that you are a Jedi because you are an exceptional person." He was near the exit before he turned, "That's the last of the caffa, if you want any more you'll have to get it yourself."


	33. Twelve Hours

Carth sought her out, not for any reason other than a sense of duty to inform her of what he was about to do. "Have you found out anything?" he inquired.

"No, nothing!" desperation in her voice.

"I'm going to pull rank, see what I can find out." He replied, as if his mind was already made up.

"Carth, you can't! It could put us all in danger. We don't know who to trust."

"Revan, I've thought about this. If the fleet is here then it has to be some indication about what is going on. We know nothing and we're not getting anywhere. They have some of the answers we need. How things are going since the Jedi have gone into hiding, the state of the Republic." His jaw turned into a hard line, "I need to know. Especially if it will help find Aaron and Ariana."

"You need to know because you are concerned about the Republic! Don't try and hide it under the guise of my children!" she spat back.

"Revan, please, don't start this right now."

"Don't start what Carth? My goal, my only goal, is to find my kids! I don't give a damn about the Republic!"

His hand ran through his hair. _When did it get so hard to agree on something? _"Revan, it could help."

"Fine Onasi, do what you want. Take your leave of Rubicon, I don't need you here anyway." She rose from her chair in a stiff motion and turned towards the door.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around, "Dammit, I'm not leaving you. I just need to find some answers. They can shed some light on everything."

"However you justify it to yourself Onasi." She tried to pull away from him but his grip grew tighter.

"Dammit woman, why do you insist on fighting me about everything!"

"What are you going to do? March onto their ship 'Onasi here, tell me everything, but don't tell anyone you saw me' Then just walk away with this newfound knowledge. No Carth, I'll tell you what will happen! You'll be taken into custody, they'll interrogate you for days until they either believe whatever lies or truth you tell them or not. Now I'm in danger, you're gone and Aaron and Ariana are still missing! I've seen how you look at me, what are you going to tell them about me? Huh? Think they'll just walk away, let you go, when there are no other Jedi and you possess the knowledge of where one can be found? Do you think they'll just ignore my past in light of what is going on? Force Onasi, for all I know I'm supposed to be hiding from them!"

Carth began to weaken as her words sank in. She was right on so many aspects but still he refused to believe that he couldn't rely on the republic. "After we land, you and Treg can seek out the next informant. I'll make contact. I won't say anything about you. If things go wrong you'll still have the ship. If things go right, I'll be back with information that may prove useful. Twelve hours after we land Revan, that's all the time I'm asking for. After that you can take off if I'm not back. And I promise, I won't tell them anything about you."

"And how do I know that after 11 ½ hours I won't be surrounded by troops? Or that when I try to take off I'm met with an entire fleet to contend with?" she challenged.

"I promise Revan, twelve hours, that's all. I won't say anything for twelve hours." He shook her arm, trying to emphasize his promise.

"Twelve hours Onasi, no more! With or without you I'm gone." And then she broke from his grasp when his pressure subsided.


	34. Not Like This

---------------

_What are they doing back already? I haven't even made contact with the republic yet. _Carth turned, hearing the footsteps, expecting to see Revan and Treg. Instead his eyes met with a Rodian who had a blaster pointed directly at him. Carth quickly weighed his options, bringing his hands up in surrender. _I need to buy some time._

"This is too easy" the Rodian replied pressing his finger against the trigger.

The shocked expression on Carth's face continued as he brought his head down, staring at the wound that had been left in his side. He struggled to understand how quickly the event had happened but his mind was growing foggy. His vision clouded and he felt the weakness rise from his knees, up his thighs as they could no longer support the weight they were responsible for. He landed on the hard metal floor as it tried to rebuke the body that fell upon it. His face smashed down, unaware of the cold squares on the grate that now supported him. _Not like this. Not after everything I've been through, not like this. _Disbelief gave way to awareness as he began to accept what had just happened. And just as quickly, it all went dark.

"Search the rest of the ship" the Rodian commanded to his partner.

_He felt her kisses, heard her playful tone as the vision of Morgana turned into visions of Revan. Dustils face took on the shape of a small boy, Aaron and a daughter he never had a chance to know slid away from him. Thirty plus years of his life were wrapped up in a few seconds as it played before him. REVAN! His mind screamed as pain and anguish dared to defeat him. No, not like this!_

_--------------_

"So, how do you end up meeting with these contacts?" Treg inquired.

"Well, some are easily laid out. Others, I have to search a bit more for." She looked at him, "Those are usually the best ones."

"Why is that?"

"Because I tend to find out more than I expected. Take you for example, I simply knew that recruits were being sought on the planet. I poked around and discovered your plight. A bit more digging and I discovered that your roommates had left the planet. No Jedi powers needed to raise a suspicious eyebrow at that. Then I just set some seeds, asked for a meeting with you… and the rest is history." She grinned at him.

"So you already knew all about me?"

"No, not really, just tidbits, nor did I know what you would tell me, or if I could trust you."

"And now?"

She smiled, "I know a lot more and I trust you completely."

"And why is that?"

"I'm not sure really. Maybe it's because I know what it's like to have someone not trust you, even though your intentions are good." She gave him a playful elbow to his side, "Or maybe it's your charming personality and the way you greeted me when we first met." Her playfulness left, "You've been a good friend. I brought you into my mess and I apologize."

"Hey, don't apologize. I came willingly, even after you told me in no such terms that it could be dangerous."

"I did?"

"Yes, when you threw that damn baton at me and said I'd either learn to fight or be left for dead."

As astonished look crossed her face. "I never said that."

A laugh escaped his lips, "Yes you did! And I have to say, you scared the hell out of me!"

She grew serious, "I'm sorry Treg. I shouldn't have insisted you come along. I apologize and I've felt guilty about it, if something would happen…"

He stopped and made her look at him, "Don't feel guilty. Even before you told me your story I knew the stakes were high and I still came along willingly. It was my decision, I accept the responsibility. Now, what's our next step?"

"Patience." She smiled at him, unsure if she believed her own words. In all honesty she had no clue where to begin her search for this next contact. They had already canvassed the area where they were supposed to find them. Instead they had only met an empty shop, long abandoned, amongst rows of other empty buildings. "I guess we need to find out why all these shops are empty."

"So…" he pressed.

"We hang out, check out the town, talk to the locals. Blend in."

"For some reason I can never imagine you blending in, just by your sheer presence, but if you insist."

"I insist" she smiled. "There, let's see what they have to say."

"Them? A bunch of drunks?"

"Yep, perfect!" She moved off steadily towards the four men that were arguing politics with a lone woman.

"The republic vessels above will only strengthen our position. They will signify that we are a planet that the Sith dare not touch." The middle aged woman spoke.

"Yah, and perhaps it'll just make 'em wipe us out even sooner." One of the drunks argued. The others muttered in agreement.

She continued, "Perhaps they know of a threat we don't.

There is a reason they have positioned such a fleet above our planet."

_You got that right, _Revan thought, _and hopefully Carth is finding out that reason right now_.

"The patrol is right on schedule, and I think those pukes are heading here right now." One of the drunks muttered.

"Is there a problem here?" The uniform clad soldier asked when he approached.

"No prollem, we're on our way." The group replied, fanning out.

"And you miss?" the soldier turned to her.

"Actually, I was wondering why the Republic is here. Although, I'm sure, you are not at liberty to discuss that. But, I only have a small measure of business to take care of on this planet, I only landed this morning. If it would be in my best interest to leave, I would be more than happy for that insight."

"Consider it done miss. Things could get pretty ugly, pretty fast around here. Or not, however, if you can take leave, I would strongly advise it."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" she inquired.

"Afraid not miss, most of the ensigns don't even know what is going on."

"But someone higher up would know?" she persisted.

"Most likely, but that's not us." He replied, a bit agitated.

"Have you heard about anyone who might fit that description, recently coming in contact with your fleet?" she pressed.

"No ma'am, sorry. And if I had, it would be classified information."

"I understand. Thank you." She nodded, giving him a display of appreciation.

"So what now?" Treg inquired after they had moved on their way.

"Well, now we spend another few hours seeing what we can find out and then we leave."

"You're worried about Carth?"

They were ready to turn, head towards the town when it happened.

She saw the Republic soldiers turn and move off briskly but that could have been for any reason. The reason she had stopped her movement, the reason she was left shaking as she stood in the concerned glare of Treg was a single word. A voice that seemed to ring out above the crowd and the footsteps, "_Revan!"_

She felt Treg's hand grab her elbow, "Revan?"

And then more persistently, "Revan, What's wrong?"

Her face dropped as her legs began to propel her, "Carth, he's in trouble."


	35. It's Over

Every movement, every action brought floods of pain and dizziness. Carth tried to stand, tried to convey that he was a commanding figure. But any witness would have known better, his arms were shaking, his legs were unsteady. He argued with his body as it refused to carry out the actions he commanded of it. Bold determination granted him just a sliver of the power he was searching for and he took this small opportunity, bringing his pistol level at the man who had gravely wounded him with a single shot.

"It's over" he spoke, with all the steadiness his voice could muster. He only hoped that his vision was not deceiving him, that he could land the devastating blow before the Rodian realized that he was not dead and was instead now threatening him. He pulled the trigger just as the Rodian turned in realization of his error, and a small grin of satisfaction registered on Carth's mouth before his body gave way, sending him crashing back to the floor of the ship. _One down ... _but then time stopped. His hand hit the floor and his blaster flew from the grasp that only seconds before had held it so tightly. Darkness enveloped him once more.

With no idea of time or where the other enemy was Carth was left vulnerable. He broke back into a state of awareness as he fought to hold on to what remained of his life. _Medbay, must get there, need to inject a pac…_ Everything was falling around him as he tried to keep his concentration on only one thing. _Medbay. _His arm was reaching, trying to find anything that he could use to propel him forward. _Medbay._ When he found something it would either escape his grasp or he wouldn't be able to hold on long enough for it to matter. His upper body was only raised a few inches from the ground but each time he collapsed it felt like he was falling from a huge distance. It could have been minutes, it could have been days, but he struggled on. Inch by inch he tried to move his body in the direction that he thought was the right one. _Medbay._

Grabbing onto a side rail in the corridor, letting his fingers wrap strongly around the first solid thing he had found, he pulled himself up. One leg dangled uselessly behind him while the rest of his weight rested on one knee. _Medbay._ His muscles buckled under the strain as he tried to force himself up further, only to be met with an unyielding force that sent him crashing back to the ground. The small, square hole in the floor grate held the droplet of blood for a few seconds before realeasing it, letting it paint an unrecognizable picture on the surface below. The picture grew larger as more droplets followed, until eventually they just pooled in a mound, unable to absorb the steady flow that was coming from above.


	36. Dark Rescue

Revan would have known immediately that something was wrong, barring her powerful feeling, when they approached an unsecured Rubicon.

"Treg, wait here." She advised.

"No, I'm coming with."

"Treg, please, now isn't the time. Something is very wrong."

"Exactly! We didn't spend days in that training room for nothing." When he followed behind her, no objections came.

Revan pointed, "Go that way," as she moved off in another direction.

She moved steadily down the corridors of the small ship, pausing only slightly to observe the dead body that didn't belong there. She followed the path that appeared every few feet at first, then every few inches. The bright red path that she knew was the blood of the man she didn't want it to be. She turned the final corner, seeing the collapsed body that she knew instinctively was Carth. She fought off the urge to take cautious steps and instead rushed to his side. Her steps finally brought her to the fallen form and she reached down. _Oh please let there be a pulse, please let him still be alive_. She battled with herself, knowing she should search the rest of the ship but also aware she needed to turn all her attention to the fallen form below her. She weighed the option of calling to Treg but never finished the thought when she heard the click behind her.

Revan didn't turn around as she spoke, "I wouldn't do that. Yes you could strike me down, but not without bringing about the wrath of my apprentice upon you. You will never live if you do this and you know that. You aren't here for me, you have what you came for. You should go." She held her breath, knowing she meant the words she had spoken but having no idea where they came from or _why _she had said them. She sensed his hesitation, felt when he finally turned to leave.

And that's when she moved. She turned, flying from the lifeless body underneath her in an act that held no mercy. Her lightsaber was ignited and her move carried out in a matter of seconds. The body fell in a motionless heap, a few parts following a different path. She crouched there, taking more time than it had to defeat him, while her mind raced, _Who am I? What am I? _

Treg's footsteps brought her mind back into focus. She barely registered the paleness of his face as he took in the sight before him. "Get some medpacs." She turned from her position besides Carth when he didn't move, "NOW!"

Her hands moved, afraid to turn over the body, afraid to see the reason for its lifelessness, but knowing she had to, she fought her fear. A small gasp escaped her when the body rolled, not from the sight of the wound but from the way the body moved, reacting to her movements but not reacting on its own. She wanted to shout a million reasons for how this possibly couldn't be so, she wanted to drape her arms around the form and cry a thousand tears, but that was not what he needed now. He needed her attention, he needed her to concentrate on the situation and not on anything else. Her face grimaced as she fought back against accepting reality._ I won't lose you, not like this Onasi. Hate me if you want, but don't you dare die on me!_

Her hands hovered above his wound as she took all her strength and called to the force to heal the injury that was desperately trying to rob her of the man she loved. Tears were falling down her face, spilling onto her hands and the wound beneath them as she concentrated with all her might to revive him.

She felt the confusion battling around her. She felt the healing that was just out of her grasp as precious seconds were ticking away. She called to the force with such a fury, challenging it to defy her wishes but still she couldn't reach that point. She fought desperately to find the plateau. The one that would allow her to save him without sacrificing herself. _This can't be, this isn't how it was supposed to happen. Noooo, please, why isn't this working? What is wrong, why can't I heal him?_

--------------------

His lip rose in one corner while the opposite side turned down, slowly revealing a small expanse of teeth before he bellowed into a full blown roar. _Feel the anger Revan, let it consume you._

Using every ounce of strength he pulled on the bond, grabbing all the light side power from her, hiding it beneath his darkness. Toying it before her as he slowly led her further and further. _It is time for the Dark Lord to return._

--------------------

Treg had returned and he fumbled with the medpacs in stupid ignorance. Revan no longer had the patience for his inability and she grabbed them from his hand in a swift, callous movement. She injected pac after pac then returned herself to the force, willing it, calling it, demanding it.

_I won't let this happen. Carth… Dammit I can do this, I WILL do this! Nothing will stop me. NOTHING!_

Treg saw the agony covering her face, unsure what to do. He knew Onasi was in trouble but slowly the realization hit him that she was also. The change was gradual at first, her mouth closed and her jaw became stiff. Her eyes were glazing over and it took a few seconds for him to realize they weren't glistening from tears anymore. The soft, expressionless brow became furrowed and determined. The rest of the changes occurred in a sudden flash of light.

A bright yellow bolt, its edges shimmering, shot from her fingertips, ricocheting off Carth's chest, jaggedly returning from where it came. Hovering above her hands, the yellow missile shot into her chest, her torso arched back in response to the contact. It seemed as if her heart would be ripped out when her body suddenly angled forward, head falling back, as she was pulled by the projectile that was now hurdling back on a serrated path, as it sank into Carth's fallen form.

Treg followed its path, mesmerized as it pulsated between the pair, vibrating in rhythm to his own quickening heart rate. The entire room suddenly seemed to come alive, electrified from the currents surrounding their bodies. Unconsciously his hand moved to pull at the neck of his shirt as the air became hot and smothering, his gaze still transfixed.

A haze was surrounding them, weaving and spiraling, sparking into a grand flash whenever it came in contact with the life connecting bolt.

Shutting his eyes, Treg tried to erase the dizziness that was starting to surround him. The more he looked at the haze the more disoriented he became until he was unsure if it was himself spinning or the rest of the room. Trying to find something to focus on besides the flashing light he concentrated on what he could see of Revan's face.

Her head was still arched back compared to the rest of her torso but he saw she was struggling to bring it upright. He forced himself to concentrate on the slow, insignificant movement as it bobbed back and forth. _Don't look at the lights, ignore everything else. Nothing is spinning as long as I hold this gaze._

His thoughts were barely finished before a sudden spark was erupting behind her. Its force throwing her head forward until all he could see was the top of her hair. In a slow, dreamlike movement, her chin began to rise and her head floated upright.

Treg caught her eyes as they fluttered open and all color drained from his face. _Blank, glowing, yellow iris, red where white should be._ Letting out a sudden gasp he took a few steps back. When his foot hit something he instinctively looked down and grimaced at the sight of a severed limb from the Rodian.

Holding his movement, trying to understand what he had just seen, Treg was suddenly aware that the room seemed to quiet. His intake of air was no longer a labored action. Forcing himself to look up he carried out the action quickly, before he changed his mind. Relief washed over him, concern plagued him, as he realized the change was gone. His eyes rested on her and once again she was simply Revan, before slumping lifelessly onto the floor grates.


	37. Choices and Decisions

Leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his chest, Treg stared curiously at the woman. It was an act he was quite familiar with, having carried it out numerous times over the past few days, as he tried to make sense of what had happened. _How much did that act cost her? Who will she be when she wakes up? _

His gaze moved to follow her arms as she wrapped them tighter around her body before he returned them back to her face. She wasn't sleeping, that was certain, but nor was she awake. Her blank stare would occasionally seem to focus on something. It was then that her features would contort, sadness, anger, fear would all cascade down her face. He knew he was searching, waiting to see if her eyes would change as they had before, but they never did and he had begun to wonder if they ever had. _Perhaps it was a trick of the light, I could have be mistaken. Maybe I only imagined…_

Revan suddenly sprang to her feet. A look of horror was quickly replaced with confusion. _Where am I? What happened? Oh thank the force, it was just a dream! _And then her eyes rested on Carth. The once powerful man that she had known was now lying in an unacceptable position on the medbay slab. She turned her head, eyes questioning everything around her as she moved steadily towards him. Standing next to him, she placed a gentle hand on his arm staring intently at his chest. _Please don't let him be dead. _

Not realizing she herself had stopped breathing, her air came out in a loud, relieved whoosh when she saw Carth's chest rise and fall. Exhaling again, she released all the tension that had been stiffening her body, her arm draped over him and she rested her head on his chest. Making no move to brush away the tear that was sliding down her cheek, she listened to the wonderful sound of his beating heart and the slow, rhythmic motion of his chest.

Treg waited for a few minutes before he moved towards her, gently guiding her upright. "He's alive, stable. You haven't left his side for days. I've been more worried about you."

He turned her around to face him, "You … you did something. And I'll never be able to forget it. You brought him back." Looking deep into her eyes now, "But I also saw what happened to you. What did you do?"

Her eyes drifted away, unable to look at him, but his hand grabbed her chin and forced it back, holding it there, "Did you make some exchange, give your life for his?" He stopped asking questions when she refused to answer. "You reached to the darkside, didn't you!"

"I had to Treg." Her voice was small as she spoke more to herself than to him, "I couldn't find the light. I was surrounded in darkness. It was the only way I could save him. I tried, but I couldn't… I don't understand what I did…"

His jaw tightened and his next words came out firm, commanding, but they were also laced with understanding. "Whatever it was Revan, you should not have done that."

Her sorrow, the washed out feeling she had was mingled with his words. Desperation rolled around aimlessly and she knew he was right. He understood her more than anyone ever had, more than Carth ever had and she was so grateful she had found him.

She fell into him, her voice weak, pleading, "I destroyed his life, his planet. I took away so much from him. How could I just let him be destroyed too? If it weren't for me none of this ever would have happened. I'm the reason he was here, on this ship… What choice did I have?"

Treg raised her head, his voice strong. "The choice to realize that everyone makes their own decisions. Despite what happened in the past, his own decisions led him here, now, with you, on this journey. Those were his choices. You weren't responsible for those, no matter what the outcome."

"But I was…"

His hand held her chin in a firm grip "No! You weren't." His deep eyes pierced into her, commanding her to understand.

And then, before she even realized it, she was kissing him. Her hands wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. His lips resisted for only a second before they parted, allowing her entrance. Her fingers relaxed, letting strands of his hair pass through them as they slid back and forth, caressing him with her touch.

Wrapping his arms around her, they glided seductively on her back as he pulled her into him. Each let out a low, rumbling moan of pleasure as their bodies pressed against one another.

Running her tongue along the inside of his mouth, feeling every corner and crevice, she tingled with excitement when their tongues finally found one another. When her exploration was nearing completion he returned the action, sliding his tongue into her mouth, carrying out the same careful discovery she had just lavished upon him.

When they finally parted both were left breathless. Leaning his forehead to hers his voice came out husky, "Revan."

Shame and guilt washed over her as she suddenly, frantically, tried to pull away, glancing at the body next to them. "I'm sorry, I don't know …" And then she ran, wanting to run forever from all the recent events.


	38. Guilt

Three steps, turn, step step step, turn. Revan continued her pace, trying to erase the last minutes from her mind. _That was so wrong, but it felt so right. How could I do that in front of Carth, while he is fighting for his life? I am truly evil. I deserve no mercy._

"Revan, don't do this to yourself." Treg's words were calm, resounding off the walls, making them echo in her head long after they were spoken.

He stood there, watching her pace, seeing the guilt distort her features as each step landed.

"No more guilt Revan, you have provided yourself with enough of that throughout your life. It ends here, ends now."

He grabbed her by the shoulders, making her stop the frantic pace. "It happened. It doesn't have to happen again but you have to stop blaming yourself for everything. For every single thing that happened in the past, for how it affected Carth, for decisions you made, for your kids, for needing comfort, for loving Carth, for kissing me even though your heart is somewhere else."

_How can I make him understand? It's not that I kissed him, nor that he kissed me back. It's that I enjoyed it, that I didn't want it to stop. That it felt so reassuring. That it was so different from the kisses I share with Carth, where our strong passion, our desire, burns on our lips. But this kiss, it was so soft, so comforting, like a warm blanket being wrapped around me. And I felt so naked, so cold, when it was no longer there_. _That kiss was so gentle, its warmth had been like a slow starting fire, smoldering inside my abdomen until its heat radiated to the tips of my fingers, my toes, my lips. _She cut off her thoughts, refusing to admit anymore to herself.

_Get a grip Revan, there are other things that need your attention. _"Treg, I will always live with my guilt. I can't erase all the horrific things I have done, nor should I expect it from others." _Like Carth. _"But right now that doesn't matter. I need an update on our situation. What happened? Where are we?"

Treg knew she was hiding, tucking away her own inner turmoil and trying to replace it with action, but he let the conversation drop and proceeded telling her what she had asked about, wondering how long she could continue on this path of self-denial. "We are on course to Anthrecite Labs. I was not able to access the route Onasi had planned, but, thanks to the droid I was able to get us off the planet and on a new course. I dumped the bodies a few hours after takeoff, there was nothing on them to indicate who they were or why they were here. After moving Carth to the medbay, I wrapped the wound, mastered the art of injecting medpacs and have been waiting for you or him to wake up."

Her eyes questioned him. "You were exhausted after you healed him. Your body carried on but you weren't really there. Your face has been riddled with alternating emotions. You are hanging on by a thread Revan, and frankly, I am extremely worried about you. I have seen evil play on your features and I have witnessed compassion. These past few days have taken you from one end of the spectrum to the other and I am concerned that when you finally stop, it will leave you in the wrong domain. Revan? What did you do, what happened?"

"I don't know Treg, I honestly don't know. But thank you, for taking care of Carth…"

"No thanks necessary, I'm just glad that some of my medical training must still be left in here." He tapped the side of his head and the tension seemed to break, letting them both give a small chuckle.

She shifted uncomfortably, gaining the courage to ask what she needed of him. "Treg, I need you to promise something. Whatever I did, however I did it, Carth can never know. Can you promise me that?"

His eyes narrowed, "I'm not sure I can promise that. There may come a time when he needs to know."

"You're afraid of me too?" she asked, eyes widening in shock.

_Too? On top of her guilt does she also believe he is afraid of her? _His reply came in a firm voice, "No, not afraid, just worried Revan. But I won't say anything if I don't have to. That is all I can promise. If he needs to know though, I will tell him."

She knew that was the most she could get from him and it was an honest answer, she had to trust he wouldn't say anything, unless circumstances changed.

Finally willing herself to know what she had been afraid to hear she changed her questioning, "Will he be okay?" she asked.

"He'll be fine, though not ready for any physical exertion anytime soon. He should wake up any day now."

"I should go to him –"

_Why? So you can saddle yourself with more guilt? _Treg held his thoughts in check, "No, you need rest, and something to eat. Right now you are in worse shape than him."

"I'm fine, I can't sleep anyway, there is too much to sort through."

"And that can wait. Sustenance Revan, I will even cook … although I can guarantee it will not taste very good." He started leading her down the hall to the galley.

She let him win, drained of the energy to argue. But it was more than that too. With him she didn't have to worry about guilt nor did she have her past thrown in her face when in his company. Relaxing her body and moving in step she realized how eager she was to enjoy the luxury of someone taking care of her, someone who would not be a constant reminder of her past. Someone whose life she hadn't destroyed.


	39. Because

Carth swung off the bed, his hands, eyes, searching for his pistols. His thigh screamed in protest as he rose, needle sharp pain shot through his side and thunder erupted in his head. He reached back, steadying himself until the feeling washed over him. _Blasters, Rodian. _His hand moved to his side and he grimaced in remembrance. _Where are they? I got one, didn't I? But the other? _He rose again, adrenaline moving him as the door slid open. Realizing there was no danger his sudden rush left him and his knees buckled. Revan quickly rushed to his side, afraid to touch him, as his body slid down against the platform holding the med slab. "Carth, oh Carth. You scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry about that beautiful. I'll try not to let anyone else shoot me at such close range." His eyes closed and the words rolled off his tongue in a dreamlike manner.

_Beautiful, he called me beautiful. _Her moment of excitement was short lived as she recalled the kiss she had shared with Treg. _Right here, in this very room! _Her face distorted and an eerie sadness covered her.

"Hey." Carth fought to keep his eyes open as he reached out. His closed hand gently gliding down the side of her face before his thumb moved to brush away a tear. "Why the lone face?"

"You need rest Onasi." She reached up, covering his hand with hers, holding it against the side of her face before brushing it against her lips. "Let's get you back on the bed. I … I'm not sure where to touch you."

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet beautiful. Let me get some rest first."

She looked at him confused.

"Relax, it was a joke. Bad one too. Just give me a minute, and then, you can touch me anywhere. It all hurts anyway."

----------------

"Enough Revan" Treg walked steadfast into her quarters, ignoring her hasty grasp as she pulled her robe around her. He didn't care if she had been standing there naked, there were some things she needed to hear and he was going to deliver them.

"Treg, you should have knocked!"

"Why? So you could tell me to go away? So you could ignore me like you have been doing since Onasi woke up? I know what's going on with you Revan and I'm here to tell you that it's enough!"

"I haven't been ignoring you, I have been thinking, trying to intercept transmissions from the Republic fleet, working on –"

"Wallowing in self pity and remorse! The minute that man woke up you looked in his eyes and felt shame and guilt. Not just over our kiss, over everything. You can't look at him without experiencing pangs of contrition. You loathe yourself for every single thing that you ever did wrong. You can never forgive yourself when you are with him. Because you know he can never forgive you. You know that Revan!"

"I don't want to hear anymore."

"I know you don't, but you will. Someone needs to tell you!

"Your relationship developed in a sudden emotional whirlwind. And it was probably good for you both at the time. But then you spent, what, a few happy months together before you left. After that you didn't see each other for years. Years, Revan, where you could cut out the parts you didn't like and mold the relationship into something wonderous. That is what you are in love with, not the reality. You have glorified _it_ and him and when you judge yourself against something like that, you will always fall short."

Revan, so shocked at his words, stood in stark silence, her mouth hanging agape.

"You claim you love him, trust him with everything, and I'm sure you believe you do. But you didn't trust him enough to tell him why you left, that you were pregnant."

"I had my reasons."

"Yes you did, you were tired of being judged, you were tired of living a lie, so you left, the perfect excuse in your head. Afraid that you would not be able to accept any more guilt into an already overflowing container. Passion is not enough for a long term relationship. That 25 percent will not bear up well over time and you realized that, it's the real reason you left.

"And look at what happens when you are both together. You have been fighting, arguing, tormenting yourselves and each other. Do you think that's a healthy relationship? Do you?"

Her voice was lost as she tried to form a reply.

"My wife could never forgive me for loosing our child, no matter what the reason, if I was at fault or not. We both realized that and decided we owed ourselves more than that. You too, deserve more." He gestured to a place outside of her door, "He deserves more! Your punishment for your past is not to be constantly judged by someone you love."

Waiting for the door to slide open, he turned to her a final time. His voice turned gentle, saying the words with all the meaning he wanted her to understand, "Revan, sometimes you have to let go of something you love, _because_ you love it."


	40. Quietly Reflecting

Lying on that medslab for days, recalling how close he was to death, brought a new determination to his mind.

Carth now knew what he had to do. He had to tell Revan everything, all his fears, his concerns. He could no longer try to hide behind the wall he was trying to erect, the one that would stop all these feelings, if, and when she fell. He'd been a terrible fool and he realized that now. It didn't matter how many walls he tried to erect, they could never erase what he felt, how he felt. The only thing he had accomplished so far, on this journey, was pushing her away. The last thing he wanted.

Juhani had tried to tell him, but he had ignored her. Yes, he was consumed by hate. Hate for the fact she was a former Dark Lord, hate for the fact he had fallen in love with someone who held that title, whether in her past or not. Hate for so many others reasons, yes, he was definitely ruled by hate, but also love, the tender, all encompassing love he felt for her. _I have to balance the two. This journey has done nothing but bring it full front into my mind and I have to deal with it, decide what is important._

And coming close to his own death had made him realize that she was what was important, despite all her flaws, despite her past. She was the mother of his children, children he had a chance to be a father to, make up for all he had done wrong with Dustil. He couldn't ignore that, he couldn't ignore anything at this point, she had possessed him, without trying, she had reached into his very soul and made him whole again. His mission had been all wrong, it was not about the children, it was about her. With her he would have the children, with her he would be complete again.

Regret over all the times in the past weeks where he could have gone to her, comforted her, ate away at him. He wouldn't do that any longer, she needed him, isn't that what Juhani had been trying to tell him? _Don't let your love be consumed by your hate, _she had said.

An overwhelming desire to be close to her, to feel her next to him overtook his thoughts. It was all he could think of as he slipped out of the medbay, intent on making the once easy journey up the ladder, to her quarters, his only mission.

-----------------------------

She slid down the wall after Treg left, replaying his words in her head. _It isn't true. It can't be true. Carth is my strength, he's everything I ever needed or wanted. My glorified lover. No, no, being with him isn't a punishment. He forgives me, he told me… but he never showed me. He only spoke the words, easy enough to do, especially if he believed them himself. No, Revan, stop this. He showed you with that kiss, back on the Fore Runner. The one filled with burning desire. NO! Stop analyzing this based on one persons observations. _

_"_Carth!" She yelled in fright, rising immediately when he entered the room, afraid that somehow he had peered into her thoughts.

"In the flesh, only took me three days to get enough strength to climb up to the bunking quarters. Sorry if I scared the hell out of you again." His playful tone and small smirk made her feel even more guilt.

"No it's okay, I was just distracted, surprised to see you here."

"Glad? Because," he moved towards her, pushing his body against hers, "I think we have some unfinished business." His mouth whispered the words, his lips close enough to bring an occasional touch to her cheek as he spoke. "I never thanked you for saving me. I never told you how it felt, knowing that I might never see you again, feel you close to me." He paused for a brief second, letting the feeling excite him, excite her, before he brought his mouth to the one that was waiting, softly begging for his.

His hands moved to hold her face as he pressed into her mouth, feeling her body curve so they could be that much closer, deeper into one another. Her hands were sliding down his back, fingers trailing with a motion that left him weak.

Revan tried to stop the thoughts from racing through her mind, tried to concentrate on the burning desire that was flooding her body. _It's different, this kiss. It's pure hunger, desire, lust. Like in the training room, when I watched him…wanted him. Stop it Revan, how can you be comparing them! Stop it! _He pulled away almost as abruptly as she did, as the pain from his wound responded to the hands pushing him back.

Not understanding that his pained look was from his injury, she mistook it for something else. "I'm sorry Carth. It's not what you think. Ah frack, or maybe it is. I don't know anymore."

He looked at her, the touch of pain still there but being quickly replaced by apprehension and budding realization. "What the hell are you talking about Revan?" His mind raced back to the evening he saw them together, the next morning when she had slid her hand down his side, fingers trailing behind. He knew that movement by her, knew it all too well.

"It's him, isn't it?" he roared, turning from her.

She ran in front of him, putting her arms up to stop him from leaving. "No, don't" but he grabbed her by the wrists, ready to push her aside. Taking out the force he wanted to lay on Treg out on her instead, she yelled in shock as he flung her aside. She stumbled over her side table and landed on the floor. _Ah force Onasi, what the hell were you thinking!_

She didn't realize he was no longer heading for the door, that instead he was coming to her side, apologetic. And by the time it dawned on her, it was too late, the words were out, "Carth, it was just a kiss. Don't –".

He froze, "Damn you Revan, how much more of my heart can you rip out! I thought, never mind what I thought."

He wanted to leave, turn right around and keep walking, but the earlier adrenaline rush was now asking for payment. His body shrank down to sit on her bed, completely spent. His head bent down as his hands held it up by the forehead.

Revan crawled over to him, unwilling to rise and stand taller than him when she felt so low. Giving him that unknown gift, she reached to touch his leg, but he pulled away. "Don't. Don't touch me."

"All I can ever seem to do is ask your forgiveness. And apologize. It happens over and over with us. And now I have to ask for more. Please Carth, don't be mad at Treg. It wasn't his fault." Her words came out slow, painfully slow. "It was me. _I_ kissed _him_. I'm sorry."

Finally able to rise, he strode out of the room, stepping over her without another glance.

----------

Revan was more than afraid of what might happen if Carth and Treg were ever alone together. She rushed out her door, immediately searching for either one of them. She jumped from the last remaining rails of the ladder and rushed off towards the cockpit. Unable to wait for the door to slide completely open, she pushed herself into the room in a sideways manner.

"Revan, what's wrong?" Treg asked of the frantic woman.

"Carth, he didn't come here? Treg, he knows. I… I messed up. Your words were in my head, our kiss in my mind and I was paranoid. I thought he suspected…"

As usual Treg was completely relaxed. Unconcerned that in a few minutes he might be twitching like a pummeled gizka.

"Treg, aren't you concerned? How can you be so calm at a time like this?"

His blue eyes looked into hers, "Because I am quietly reflecting on what you just said."

"Treg, I just said that you're about to have your ass beaten! No reflection needed!"

"No, I believe what you just said was that," he moved to her, wrapping one arm around her waist as he pulled her into him, "our kiss was in your mind."

This time he moved first, sucking on her lips before finally wrapping the warmth of his around them. He continued lavishing soft, quick kisses across her lips. Gliding his tongue from one corner of her mouth to the other, pausing occasionally to deliver a playful nibble. Spending enough time exploring the outline of her lips that it was forever burned in his mind. His soft gentle movements prevented her from resisting. She left the moment carry her to the depths of space, unwilling to question what she was feeling, pushing everything else aside as she felt the blanket of his kisses cover her body with warmth.

"Oh force Treg. This shouldn't be happening." But he refused to let her go, "But it is," he replied before bringing her face up for another kiss.

"If Carth would walk in he'd kill us both."

Treg reached his hand up, hitting the door panel as if guided there, because his eyes never left Revan. He continued to tease her lips, sucking on them, running his tongue over them, while staring directly into her eyes, watching the dance of the growing flames that were trapped inside.

"Treg, I can't."

"You can. You want to. Don't deny it, don't deny yourself any more. Accept what happens, live with no regret. Enjoy forgiveness." He was whispering in her ear, teasing her with his lips after each word. "We are so alike Revan, our lives parallel, our feelings the same…"

With a final sigh, unable to resist for even one more moment, she turned to him, kissing him in the same manner as he had her, only moments before.

He gently guided her hands to his chest, "Touch me Revan."

Her arms rubbed slowly up his chest, gliding back down his side before she reached inside his shirt. The feeling of his skin underneath her fingers caused her to shudder with excitement and she heard Treg groan in pleasure.

He did the same to her, exploring her stomach with his hands before bringing his lips down to kiss where they had just touched. Revan cried out, begging him to take it further, explore other areas, but instead he draped a final kiss over her lips, a final touch along her waist and then he pulled away. "Not so fast Revan. I want to enjoy every moment, savor every gesture, one at a time." He smiled at her warmly, "Now, what are we going to do about Onasi?"


	41. A Cup of Caffa

"He would never suspect a thing. It would be a quick, painless process." The imploring eyes looked to her for approval. He had just explained his plan. It was his most brilliant one yet, or so he thought. Going over all the details one by one, making sure nothing could go wrong, he had finally felt it was worthy of sharing. It had taken him weeks to perfect and he was confident she would approve. He was anxious to see it from her eyes and awaited it as he slowly finished his explanation. Instead, as he looked at her, he saw the coldness and disgust. He had not impressed her.

"Quick? Painless? What made you ever think that is what I wanted?" Revan turned, then brought herself back to him again, unleashing part of her fury. "I want that man to suffer! I want him to experience each and every painful moment. And I want him to be aware who it is that is responsible for it!"

Her disapproval made his sure stance falter and the confidence was gone from his voice, "Forgive me, I was mistaken. I thought you wouldn't want anyone to know."

Her fury was growing, "Of course I wouldn't want anyone to know, except him! At that final moment, I want to see the realization cross his face. I want him to understand and look upon me as his pain grows. Each and every agonizing moment I want to watch, revel in. I want him to look at me and see how much I enjoy his suffering." Unable to hide her growing fury anymore she stalked from the room. "I will take care of it myself."

--------------------------

Slipping inside the ship had been much easier than getting inside the hangar. Juhani had waited for hours, carefully watching the guards as they patrolled the area with extreme thoroughness. Her opportunity had arrived when two dozen troops had exited in an agitated manner.

She had moved slowly around the northern corner, watching and listening as they gathered to hear their orders. Many were shifting uncomfortably, others were erect, eager. They were searching for her, for her ship. They knew she was there, somewhere. As they started to break up into smaller groups to canvas the terrain, she had slipped quietly inside.

The interior was less hectic and if not for her Jedi senses she would have thought it completely deserted. Continuing to move slowly in her stealthed form, she boarded the ship, surprised and relieved that it was not secured.

Her search provided her with the same emptiness as the ship itself and she was about to leave to explore the compound more thoroughly when she saw the ugly brute from before approaching. It struck Juhani as odd that he was laughing, a loud bellow that broke the surrounding silence of the guards that flanked him. They remained outside the ship as his thunderous footsteps carried him down the hall to the communications room. His loud raspy tone could be heard from where she had remained but she had to inch closer, carefully to hear the reply on the other end.

"We have found a ship Lord Dracosk. I am certain it will not be long before we apprehend its pilot. It is too small to hold more than that."

"Good. And the other … arrangements?"

"The chambers are almost complete. I assure you we will be ready for you to land tomorrow. Lord Gnillihs has been sent the crucial information, he is already preparing for his journey here."

"Excellent, you have done well." The scouts tone was dismissive but the brute pressed.

"I have put my life at great risk. I have held up my end of the arrangement. It is time you told me more."

"Your demands tire me. Your usefulness is evaporating. You would do well to remember this." The minutes stretched on in silence, signifying the end of the conversation.

Suddenly she heard a crash and a shock vibrated through the ship that she imagined came from a huge fist slamming against a wall plate. The brute was no longer laughing, instead a string of expletives were coming from his mouth. Using this opportunity to move from her position, she went in search of a secure hiding spot where she could remain until tomorrow when the scout arrived, when the children arrived.

---------------------------------------

Revan shook off the painful memory, trying to erase what she knew had followed. Instead it decided to play through in her mind even as she continued her actions. In the memory she had left the room and headed straight for his quarters. Unable to contain the fury that had grown inside her for weeks she carried out each and every action she had spoken about, looking into his eyes, watching him writhe in pain. And when she left his room, left the memory, she knew Malak had suffered greatly at her hand for his impetuous actions, similar to the actions she had just carried out on him. _Think of something else Revan, don't dwell on your memories._

Flip a switch here, feign interest there. _Sure, yeah, I can do this all night. _At least she could if she wasn't aware of that feeling, that look that never materialized.

Revan was sitting at the entrance to the cockpit, on the floor, legs propped against the nearest panel, datapad in hand. Occasionally she would put her feet on the floor, lean up and press a few buttons. Then back to a reclining position that would neither allow anyone exit or entrance into the room without disturbing her. It was all an elaborate hoax, she knew it and most likely so did Carth, she was accomplishing nothing. But still, it did keep either man on the ship from encountering one another without her being present.

And she was sure she could carry out this farce, that is, if it wasn't for the man sitting, back to her, in the pilots seat.

She knew the look, even without seeing it. She had seen it so often, when he smiled at her, when he chanced a glance thinking she wasn't looking. Yes, she knew that look. The set of the jaw, the sadness in the eyes that would suddenly ignite into disbelief and a sweep of fear before turning accusatory. But if she dared to blink it would be gone, it always happened so quickly.

Yes, she knew that look. She had seen it on the Ebon Hawk, after finding out who she truly was. She had seen it back on Coruscant when they were at their happiest and she had seen it again the past few weeks.

In all honesty she had forgotten about that look, the years on Malachor erasing it from her memories. Or maybe she had just grown so accustomed to seeing it. _Was it there too when we made love? _But Treg's words had brought it all back to her and now it was burned in her mind.

Leaning up to flip another switch she silently wished she could just as easily turn off that look as well as her painful memories. But the memories were there now, just as the look was there now, had always been there throughout their relationship and the discovery of how often was so shocking it tore a hole in her heart. _How can he profess such love for me when deep down he feels so differently towards me? He has fooled himself as much as he has me._

Her loud sigh caused him to turn around and there it was, for a fleeting moment, that look.

"Things aren't going well?" His question was emotionless, but she detected a twinge of sarcasm.

Her eyes traveled from the view port to the dash then finally back to his face. _Don't let it be there, don't let him have that look. _

She answered with a similar double-entendre, "No, things aren't going well. They haven't been for awhile."

She turned back to her datapad, afraid she would bear witness to the look if she held her gaze on him any longer.

Resting both feet on the ground, pushing the datapad into her pocket, she shoved herself upright. "Need anything? I'm going to grab a cup of caffa?"

Returning back to the controls, he gave a negative grunt. _Caffa, yeah right. _He was so sure he knew where she was going, what she was going to do that he would have bet his entire career on it. _Not like you have one anymore Onasi._

He knew exactly what she was up to, he knew her, thought he knew her, that well. Just like the days on the Ebon Hawk when she would quietly, perfect excuse given, drift away from the other crew members to seek him out.

It was then they would talk, or she would talk, question him, pry into his deepest memories and thoughts. They'd exchange a few laughs, a few heated words and then she would smile at him. The smile that had melted his heart. The one strong enough to break down all his walls and allow him to reveal to her a part of himself that he never thought he'd ever expose to anyone. _And now she is doing that with him! _

He had wanted to kiss her so often back then, but never dared. Even when she had teased him to the point where he was sure he would do just that, if only to shock her. But he hadn't, he'd held back and instead concentrated on something he could more easily understand and relate to, their mission, like he was trying to do now, had done the past few weeks. _But I bet that's not HIS style. No, his style was probably so refined that he'd have her in his bed before…_

Carth bolted straight up, suddenly feeling a strong urge for a cup of caffa.


	42. Nicknames and Caffa

"Now tell me, why would something like that hold your interest for so long?" The words and the sudden hands on his shoulders startled Treg.

Recovering quickly he turned, sliding one arm underneath hers to rest on the small of her back. He used the other to gesture towards the workbench, "You caught me. I was just admiring this simple area and wondering how it allowed you to craft such superior weapons from it."

"Jealous of my weapons?" she teased.

"Completely!" he joked in a tone that said she was foolish to think otherwise.

"Maybe if you behave I'll let you see them." She grinned.

"Humph," he turned his head away as if insulted. "I'll have you know I've seen many in my time. Why should yours be any different?"

She leaned closer, whispering the words, "Because I'll even let you touch mine." _Force Revan, what are you doing? _

He turned back, their eyes catching, knowing they weren't talking about those kinds of weapons anymore, if they ever even were.

His lips were soft, warm, as they brushed against hers on his way to whisper in her ear, "Are you teasing me Revan?"

She glided her hands sensuously up his chest, letting her words come out in a low voice, "When I'm teasing, you'll know it." Turning to slip away he caught her, bringing her back towards him.

His eyes moved slowly over her face, resting on her lips, taking in their appearance as his eyes grew lusty before turning his gaze to look into her eyes. No words were spoken, their bodies completely still as they stared at one another.

Treg's mouth parted and he saw that she was anxiously awaiting his next move. With deliberate slowness he moved his head towards hers, using time to his advantage as he carried out the movement in slow motion. Seconds before their lips were touching, when their breaths could be felt by the other he spoke, "You'll know it too," then immediately he let her out of his grasp, walking swiftly away.

"Hey loverboy," she called out, "I'm going to grab a cup of caffa. Interested?" her eyebrow rose.

He turned, giving her a wicked grin, "Definitely. Although I'm not too fond of that nickname, Darth Tease."

She caught his wink as her jaw dropped, and then she was breaking into a fast pace, chasing him down the hall. _How can he make light of my former title? How can I enjoy it so much? _It dawned on her in that split second. _Because he makes me feel so normal!_

"Safe zone." Treg called, turning around, bringing both hands up in surrender while stumbling into the galley backwards.

Revan was right on his heels and crashed into him as he turned and surrendered. His arms came down immediately, holding her by the waist to steady her.

"What makes you think I'll accept your surrender?" she gasped out in between breaths.

The unexpected, ominous voice made their heads snap around. "Entice all the men in your life with caffa?" Carth glared at them as his eyes raked over the two bodies.

Revan pulled away from Treg immediately, smile leaving her face.

Silence followed as her eyes betrayed the feeling of regret and guilt that she was trying desperately to hide. She wasn't relieved when Treg tried to break the quiet.

"I'm afraid I had that coming, considering I had just bestowed upon her a nickname she obviously objected to. But I hope she knows I was just teasing."

He sent a wink in her direction, causing her to move quickly towards the caffa pot, "While we're all here I think we should discuss our situation and next moves. We'll be arriving at Anthrecite Labs soon."

"Not as soon as we could have." Carth snapped as he noisily pulled out a chair, recalling the extremely lengthy and unnecessary course that Treg had planned while he was recovering. _That man is an idiot! He took us days away from our destination._

Ignoring Carth's words Revan took down two mugs and started pouring the caffa.

Carth watched, taking notice that she knew exactly how to prepare Treg's cup. He waited until she had set it down at the opposite end of the table and then positioned herself between the two of them before he began. "I estimate we have 10 hours or so before we arrive. At which point, I believe a two hour layover to gather the information, if any is available," his glare rested on Treg in an accusatory manner, "should be sufficient. After that I have a course laid out that should bring us to our next contact in less than a day. Bottom line, 24 hours, two contacts, we have a lot of time to make up."

Treg leaned back in his seat, putting both hands behind his head, "I'm not certain two hours will be enough. It will probably take half that long just to clear all the security at Anthrecite, another hour, at least, before the takeoff is cleared. Once a ship lands it is grounded until it goes through the proper channels. I haven't even brought into account our time spent –"

Carth slammed his mug down, "Look, we brought you here, you promised a meeting. Two hours, that's all."

"Carth, since when have we had such strict time frames? You know we can't control these things." Revan asked, trying to ease the tension.

"Our next course has some atmospheric conditions that I would rather avoid if possible. At this point we are on a time schedule." He glared at her, "I'm sure you also know the stakes of what we are trying to accomplish here. Any delay that isn't absolutely necessary could have grave consequences. We have already been delayed long enough." He shot a dagger filled look at Treg.

"Treg?" Revan inquired, knowing Carth was right, she had to find her children, the sooner the better. "Do you think we can manage our meeting in that time?"

His mind drifted, thinking about his former mentor, Sargac. It had been years since he had last seen him, since he had supposedly restored to Treg what his own experiment and ambition had stripped away. He wasn't anxious to be reminded of his past, what he had lost and the lies that had followed. _It won't help to worry about that now, time to get a grip and show some of what you preach dear man. _ "I can try. Since I know what most of it entails, if the procedures haven't changed too drastically, I am certain I can ask for expedience. I'm sure some of the things might be overlooked, or combined, to ensure that we leave a bit more quickly."

"Wait right there." Carth said in a measured voice. "The deal was we bring you here, after that there is only two of us leaving."

Everyone, except Carth, seemed to shift uncomfortably. He was right, after this Treg wouldn't be with them anymore. With all the recent events none of them had thought much about what their arrival at Anthrecite would mean, at least no one but Carth.

Deciding she didn't want to think about that now, nor address it, Revan moved the conversation along, "That part is settled, Treg will take care of our meeting with Sargac and he is aware of the time frame." She glanced at Treg and he nodded. Returning her gaze to Carth, "Let's move on to what happens after. Have you heard from Juhani? Do you have any details on the next contact?"

Carth's eyes moved slowly around the table, hoping Revan would pick up on his implication, "Nothing right now."

She hated to do it, but she knew it would be the only way to get Carth to talk. And for once, he seemed like he actually wanted to talk to her, discuss things. "Treg? Would you mind?" she asked, gesturing for him to leave them alone.

He brought his hands down, resting them on the table, "Yes, I do mind, but I will go anyway, if that is what you want."

She closed her eyes, then brought them up to look directly into his as she nodded her head, "Yes, please."

As Treg slowly stood, giving a glance first at Carth, then at her, he replied, "Fine. I'll be in my room."

They both waited, watching as Treg left, the tension slowly leaving the room only to be replaced by another suffocating feeling. Both their demeanors were now stiff and challenging, each seemed ready to jump from their seats at any moment. Unbelievable as it was, Treg's presence had seemed to keep a normal air between them that was now quickly evaporating.

"Revan, your memories – do they concern you? You refuse to talk about them."

Although she was trying to remain calm she felt herself get defensive, "I have not refused to talk about them. Perhaps it is just that no one" she glared directly at him, "has asked me about them since …"

His fist slammed down, his voice rough, "Dammit, I'm asking now."

She stood, leaning over the table at him "Yes, they concern me Carth, how could you even think otherwise!" She could almost feel the effects of her memories as she spoke about them, "They have kept me awake, afraid to fall back asleep, they have brought pain and the severity of the emotions that I feel afterwards are some of the most - unsettling - things I have ever experienced. To realize these aren't just dreams but things _I _actually did, behavior I gladly accepted and had no regrets about … I cannot even begin to explain it." She looked at him in total shock, "How dare you ask such a thing!"

He rose to meet her challenge, "First you are upset that I didn't ask earlier, now you are upset because I have asked!" He ran his fingers through his hair, "You know what I think? I think you enjoy punishing yourself with them."

"ME!" she bellowed, "Perhaps you enjoy punishing me with your memories too."

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean? No, don't even bother answering that. Revan, you can't keep doing this. It will lead you towards everything you say you despise about your past."

She knew he didn't understand, would never be able to understand. It was her guilt, her fault, everything, absolutely everything rested on her shoulders. "But that is who I am. Without that I would not be who I am today. And now I have put my children in danger because of that. My actions, _me_, I have caused all of this. I am responsible for everything and _more!_ _MORE_ Carth, more than you know, more than even I want to know, more than you could ever forgive me for and you know that. I am a murderer at the very least, and now you think I should just be excused because I feel remorse?"

"No. Yes. It's not as simple as that and you know it! You are aware of how it is different with people strong in the force. Are you too blind to realize that you are just inviting the darkness back into your life?"

Her mind drifted to her actions when she had saved him. Ever since then she had felt different, even more so than before, like something was brewing deep inside her. She had done something very wrong and she only hoped she could contain it, master it, control it, when the repercussions finally presented themselves to her. "I'm fully aware of what I have invited into my life!"

"Does that include him Revan? Are you aware of his intentions? Are you so certain that he isn't leading you down a dark path?"

Carth shifted, knowing he needed to get control over his emotions but now that he had started to let them out he was helpless to stop them, "Revan you are ignoring reality and acting like a damn ten year old! For force sake, you have two children!"

"That's right **_I _**have two children!"

It was too late, he couldn't stop himself, knowing it was the wrong time, the wrong situation, but the words were out before he gave it much thought, "They are my kids too."

"You don't know that Carth, they could be Malak's."

He wanted to cut her off before she even spoke his name but his reply was too late, "No Revan, they are mine! As sure as I stand here they are MY kids! Yours and mine."


	43. Onasi Duty

Her head shook as she heard his words, _As sure as I stand here they are MY kids! Yours and mine, s_lowly at first but then it gained momentum and it was rocking violently back and forth, "Carth, what are you saying? There is no way you could know -"

His voice rushed on, interrupting hers, "Juhani, she told me, she found out what really happened. At first I didn't believe it myself, but, what you thought happened was never accurate. You were never seduced by Malak. He injected you with some fracking mind restoring implant. It's been twisting you, your emotions, your thoughts." Suddenly unsure of himself, "If, if what you said before was true, that I was the only one … then there is no doubt. Revan, Aaron and Ariana are our son and daughter."

"Oh" was all she could say as she collapsed into the chair. She felt a cleansing wash over her, she was never defiled, at least not in the manner she had thought all these years. _This changes everything, Carth is their father. _Her heart did somersaults of joy while her mind continued to race. _They aren't tainted by two evil parents, all these years I thought … No, not two evil parents Revan, just one. Just you. _

Her heart stopped, suddenly realizing all she had sacrificed on just that one belief, the one stupid Jedi prophecy that had guided her. Treg's words came back to her but now she knew that she had not run from Carth solely because of that one guilt, but instead because of the many that she thought were true. Now he was telling her that most of them weren't true, weren't accurate.

_If I would have known then that they were his! That I wasn't invaded by Malak, that my children weren't some Jedi prophecy. _Her joy was faultering, folding in upon itself, leaving room for anger. An anger that was quickly replacing everything, coursing through her veins, screaming in her head. _The Jedi destroyed my life again and this time they destroyed more than just my future. Aarons future, with a father who would have loved him. Ariana, who would have been the pride and joy of an overbearing father. Carth, who would have known the joy of their first steps, their first words. How would he have influenced them? How would their lives be different? How would his? How different would mine have been if he was there when they were born? Another past I can't get back, because of them, the Jedi – the damn thorn in my backside for all of my life! _

She had to lash out, the rage was boiling within her with such force that she couldn't contain it any longer. It needed an escape or else it would swallow her whole. She looked around, the fury evident with every gesture, every limb, every word, as she sought out the only person able to receive her lashing, "Why did you keep this from me? How long have you known?" she screamed out.

Carth watched as her face became tormented. Deep regret settled around him as he tried to make amends for the brutal way he had bestowed this information upon her. "Revan, listen to me. Together, we will find them. Together."

His words were too late, everything was too late as she slowly digested what he had told her, "No. I don't believe you! You have always been afraid to trust others and now you slap me in the face, with the most important thing in my life. And you follow that up with telling me I had some fracking implant in my mind that is –" her brows crossed into a deep v, _He knew and he didn't care to tell me. _Her face was riddled with confusion, _He let me deal with this, when I had no understanding of what was happening to me, but he knew! Why Carth, why did you keep this from me? Why the hell wouldn't he tell me – unless, unless he was truly afraid. He was afraid of what I would become. He was using me to find Aaron and Ariana. And then he was going to take them away, away from me._

The thought of being betrayed so ruthlessly by the man she loved tore away at her very soul. Her eyes grew cold and heartless, "Everything I have been going through and you KNEW ALL Along!" She jumped up suddenly, wild antics displaying themselves, "How could you! What else do you know Onasi? What else aren't you telling me?" She pushed away from the table, "Just get away and stay away. Right now I hate you!"

"GOOD!" he shouted, thinking perhaps this was the way to make her see reason, "Then you know exactly how I feel!" She stared at him, totally dumbfounded, a small part of her unable to believe the words he was saying, even though she had just been saying them to herself in one way or another.

He moved around the table, closing the distance, "You have been deceiving me, playing with me and doing everything that stops just short of lying to me outright." He grabbed her by the arm, "But still I refuse to give up on you. _DO NOT_ give up on me!" He stared into her eyes and finally she had to turn away, closing hers as she did.

Carth waited, hoping she would turn around, hoping for anything from her. Resting a gentle hand on her chin he tried to bring her to face him but she refused. Letting a few more minutes pass, he finally gave a sigh before leaving her there, making his way down the corridor to the cockpit. Anger, whether at himself or at her, or perhaps both, radiating from every step he took.

--------------------------------------

Carth steeled himself for what he was about to do, what he had to do. He hit the central communications button and began his message to the crew, "Rubicon has just entered the planets atmosphere. I'll have to secure our landing soon. Treg, it might be best if you were up here for that." He broke off the communication, determined to keep his personal feelings aside. _At least I won't be alone with him, if I had to be alone with him I don't know what I would do, but Revan won't allow that. I'm glad for that. _Carth knew Revan would hear his message, providing her presence during the transmission to approve their landing. She wasn't obvious, but still he knew, despite how she tried to hide it, that she had not left either him or Treg out of her sight since that ill-fated day. _When she told me she kissed him!_

His mind began to wander as he waited for them to approach the cockpit. _How could Revan tell Treg everything! Why didn't she show more caution after what happened with the scout? Is their relationship that strong? Force, did they … NO! She said it was only a kiss. Just a kiss. Onasi you are letting yourself … but what happens during the time when Revan isn't eyeing me warily? Where did she go for comfort after I stupidly told her everything in such a loathsome manner? How could I have been so cruel? Damn me and my fracking pride! I dump that on her and then just leave. Maybe it was only a kiss before, but now…_

"You needed me?" Treg replied nonchalantly as he settled into the co-pilots seat.

"That's not exactly what I said. But now that you're here…" he looked around, "Where's Revan?"

Treg smirked, "I believe she was on Onasi duty, since I don't recall catching a glimpse of her the past hour and you were the last person I saw her with, after I was so rudely abolished from the galley."

Carth couldn't help the glare he sent back in Treg's direction, _So he knows she's been watching both of us. You're loosing your touch Revan. _He smiled to himself, _Or maybe not, you wanted us to know didn't you?_

"Afraid not, I figured it was your turn since I haven't seen her watchful eye since we - ." He suddenly stopped as the realization dawned on both of them that neither had seen Revan. They looked at each for only a second before they both rose in unison, exiting the cockpit and rushing towards her quarters.


	44. Landing

Revan slunk back into her room, thinking of the children, their father, wondering what this stupid implant might be doing to her, ashamed that she had not held a straight head and asked Carth more about that.

She knew, somewhere within herself, that her sacrifice for Carth's life had been costly, but now it was even more prevalent. _If only I had known before. Would I have done the same? Yes, Yes! _She couldn't deny it, she would have probably done it even more willingly if she had known.

That sacrifice, along with all her others, what would they cost those around her? She shouldn't have anyone she loved around her. _The cost of my love is too pricey. _

Thinking back to that most recent incident, she felt as if something that had been touching her was now gone, or lying dormant. It left her with apprehension, _the calm before the storm. When will it ask for repayment? Hopefully not too soon, as long as I can save Aaron and Ariana nothing else matters. That is what I have to concentrate on. I can deal with all the other stuff later. And I need to start touching back into the force. I can't be afraid anymore. Time is growing short._

With that last thought she settled back, relaxing into a deep meditation, trying to regain and control what had violently turned on her before.

Revan let herself drift, knowing that she was no longer commanding the force but that it was now commanding her. Unwillingly at first, she slowly opened herself up to what was swirling around her. She let it touch her, reach into her, determined that she would get a grasp on it when the time was right. The pull was becoming stronger, no longer guiding her but still drawing her closer to something. Everything was black, no hints of light as she slowly followed the irresistible lure. A chasm opened and she no longer felt the determination that only moments ago had led her here. She had created the opening and now it was calling to her, compelling her to enter, she knew there would be no return. She gravitated towards it, coming closer to the abyss … drifting … following …

Without warning it closed, abruptly leaving her floating in massive light as she tried to get her bearings. She heard far away voices, calling her name, panic, worry …

She was resentful and sullen when she finally felt it all slip away and was staring into the concerned faces of Carth and Treg.

"What the hell are you both doing here? Don't you have anything else to concern yourselves with?" She rose from her meditative posture and turned her back on them.

"Didn't you hear my message?" Carth asked.

She turned, reeling on him, "I heard it, so why should that matter anyway? Obviously I figured landing this damn ship was something the both of you could take care of. Dammit, do I have to be around for everything?"

Treg stepped up, "Considering the manner in which you haven't left either one of us out of your site for days, it was quite noticeable and left us both with unequivocal concern." His look met hers.

"Yeah, what he said!" Carth added, his hand motioning towards Treg as her gaze turned to him.

She looked from one to the other before replying, "Is it too much to ask for you both to carry on without me for once?" When neither moved she pressed, "I'm fine!"

"I don't think so," came Carth's immediate reply, speaking at the same time as Treg.

"You are not fine Revan and we all realize that. Do not play us for fools."

The speakers sounded as X-14 patched the incoming message through the ship, "Decelerate your approach immediately and state your business."

Carth gave a final glance at Revan before looking at Treg, "Time for you to justify being on my ship," he spoke as he turned to exit.

Treg didn't feel the urgency that Carth did, at least not the urgency that had suddenly taken away his interest in Revan and turned it towards their landing. Instead Treg was still staring directly at Revan. Right now she was his current concern and he wasn't about to leave her alone with such a dismissal as Onasi had just done. Reaching out a hand gently towards her, he urged, "Come on, let's go."

Carth turned back towards them when he heard Treg speak. His focus rested solely on Treg's outstretched hand, the pause registered before he saw Revan gradually, reluctantly, reach out her own hand and then become fully enwrapped in Tregs'. He couldn't deny the feeling of jealousy that coursed through his veins, nor could he deny his own part in not making the gesture himself. _Will you ever learn Onasi? _He answered himself with words that were more an excuse than a justification, _Dammit, I'm just not built that way._

The minute Treg clasped his hand around Revan's he turned, coaxing her along with him, before speaking to Carth, "_Now_, we can land the Rubicon."

Carth's stomach made a deafening grumble to the truth and implication that Treg's words had on the situation. _I should have been the one doing that, not him. How many other times did I just leave her while I concentrated on something else? _Dismissing his thoughts and resorting back to the only thing he could understand, Carth answered, "Let's go," then turned all his thoughts and efforts to their landing at Anthrecite.

-----------------

He sat back waiting. To a casual observer he would appear stoic, completely in control, a demon without worries. Inside he was furious, raging mad that Revan's companions kept getting in the way of his plans. Irritated that he was surrounded by a bunch of incompetent fools who couldn't even find who had piloted a ship that had landed on the moon, where, in a few short hours, all his carefully laid plans would be carried out. Concerned, but still pleased, that Revan was strong enough to still fight against him. That strength, once turned to the dark side, would be unstoppable.

Letting his anger seethe through him he waited. He cultivated it, letting every insignificant ripple bring forward all the bitterness he was capable of, and he was quite capable. His dark feelings were an endless cauldron and he wanted them all at his fingertips for when the moment he was waiting for arrived. He let all those feelings bubble and brew at his surface, intent on sending them all hurtling through the force the minute Revan tried to tune in, the moment that would turn her, once and forever, to the dark side. Meanwhile he would wait. Wait for the arrival of Darth Gnillihs. Wait for the arrival of Darth Revan. With a smug look of satisfaction the scout sat back and waited.


	45. Mio

Treg was the first to exit, followed by Revan and finally, Carth. The hangar was large and the shape of other ships could be seen from the corner of their eyes as they watched the small assembly of guards fall into position. Carth's hand moved instinctively to his side and saw Revan make a familiar gesture towards her lightsaber. Only Treg seemed relaxed, a huge smile escaping from his lips, "I thought, perhaps, that given my reputation with this complex, I would be greeted in a somewhat friendlier manner."

Neither Carth nor Revan had noticed the woman Treg was speaking to until she emerged from the center of the guards. "Oh, you know, procedure and all." She waved a dismissive hand at the guards who began to exit two at a time as she continued walking towards him. "And I also had to be sure it was you."

"You mean you couldn't remember my voice? I'm hurt." His hands moved to rest against his chest as he feigned shock.

Her long dark hair was pulled back into a high pony tail, flipping back and forth as she shook her head, smiling. "Treg".

"Hello Mio."

Revan watched as Treg took Mio's hand and brought it to his lips, greeting her in the same fashion as when she first met him. She couldn't help but be aware of how Mio had already been bringing her arm up, as if expecting the gesture. _He's done this to her before. _She felt a tinge of jealousy but refused to show it, fully aware of how closely Carth was now watching her and waiting for some reaction from her.

"So what brings you here Treg? Looking for your old job back?" Mio spoke with a flirtatious tone.

"I believe that position has already been filled." He smiled at her knowingly before turning, "Please forgive me. Revan, Carth, this is Miosotis, a very dear friend of mine. Mio, these are the people gracious enough to put up with me for the journey here."

Revan and Carth both nodded at Mio, relaxing only slightly.

"They're a bit uptight, don't cha think?" she played at a whisper.

Treg winked at her, "Wait until they hear about the shower."

Revan was definitely getting annoyed; she couldn't imagine how Carth was feeling. _So this is how he felt when he thought he was being left out of the loop._

"Revan, Carth, I'm afraid there is something I neglected to tell you. Small procedure actually, everyone has to go through it. To keep the lab germ free." Treg sounded apologetic but there was a playfulness to his voice.

Mio continued, "There's a shower through those doors, you'll be able to enter the lab from the other side once you've been cleared. It can hold two at a time, so, whatever your preference."

"Don't worry, strictly a sonic device, no clothing removal necessary." Treg added, growing sincere when he saw the look on their faces.

Revan and Carth still didn't relax, the years of seeing battle unable to be erased from their minds as their thoughts followed the same pattern, the only difference was that Carth didn't dismiss them.

Two at a time, either way it wasn't going to work. If both Carth and Revan entered they had no idea what trap they might be stepping into. Nor would they want to be separated, without the other for backup if indeed it was a trap.

"I don't think so. We can wait here. We don't plan on staying." Carth clipped.

"I'm afraid you'll have to, your incoming message said you were here to see Dr. Sargac. He left the station earlier this week but I contacted him before you landed." Mio turned to Treg, "He asked that you wait here for him, your accommodations are being prepared. He'll be returning in another day."

Carth had heard enough, "He can wait here, send us a message if you find out anything." Before presenting his back to them he gave one final command, "Revan, let's go."

Revan was unsure how to continue; part of her agreed with Carth, she knew his reasons for wanting to leave but another part of her wasn't ready to go so quickly. Nor did she enjoy the way he had barked out the order to her before turning away, not even asking for her insight. Walking briskly towards him she moved in front and turned to face him, holding back her anger as she tried to make him understand. "I realize your apprehension but I really don't think we should leave just yet. It's … just a feeling I have."

Carth let out a sigh of disgust, "A feeling huh? Bet I know what that's all about."

"Carth please, do you still trust me at all?" She was no longer angry, instead she was hurt, guilty, upset with herself for giving him a reason to doubt her intuition, especially when the doubt was laced with obvious jealousy. Her voice came out pleading.

His was growing agitated, louder with each sentence, "I don't know what you want me say. That yes I still trust you? That after all you've done and continue to do that it doesn't matter? That I'll just quietly sit around while you make bad judgment calls? That it doesn't bother me that someone else knows what it's like to kiss you?" Carth finished with glowering eyes and a rigid jaw.

Treg saw Revan's shoulders slump as Carth's loud, angry words smashed into her. Mio turned, lifting an eyebrow towards him, "Trouble in paradise?"

"If you only knew." Treg replied, patting Mio on the shoulder as he walked towards them, listening to Revan's response.

"Carth, you aren't being reasonable –"

"Reasonable?" he laughed, "Look who's talking Revan. You haven't been reasonable since, since … dammit I don't even know anymore!" His wild display of motion with his hands drove home his remarks.

Treg could feel Revan weaken as Carth's words continued. He brought his hands to rest on her shoulders, gently pulling her to stand strong. He saw Carth watching the gesture and could feel that his anger was growing, but Treg didn't care, Revan needed his support right now and he was going to give it to her.

"It's words such as those Onasi that have caused this. Do you not have anything else to say to her except criticism?" Treg replied.

"Just … shut the hell up okay?" Carth's voice grew stronger as his arm shot out, "You have no right to –"

"To what? Speak the truth? Does it bother you that I'm right, do you even realize that I am correct in my statement?"

Carth took a few steps towards Treg, pointing directly at him, "I'm tired of your –"

"Whoa, okay enough of that boys." Mio replied as she walked up to them, holding out her hands. "I didn't realize this would cause such a problem. Maybe it is best if you left."

"No, we're staying" the small voice said, before it grew stronger, "I'm staying." Revan finished as she looked at Carth.

Mio wasn't satisfied, "I can't have these disturbances at my facility. I was left in charge until Dr. Sargac returns and I won't have anything jeopardize his confidence in my abilities."

All eyes seemed to turn towards Carth as they waited to see what he would do. When it seemed they were at a standstill Revan spoke up, "Carth, I supported your decision when you wanted to talk to the Republic, even though I didn't agree with it."

"Which I never even did!" He replied instantly and just as quickly regretted it. Unconsciously his hand moved to the spot where he had been wounded. They knew he never made the contact because he had been critically injured. Just as they knew that afterwards all their relationships had changed, leading them to this tense situation.

_Please,_ Revan begged with her eyes.

Ignoring the audience their interchange had gathered, Carth's eyes pierced into Revan, "I'll stay on the ship." With that he turned and disappeared inside the Rubicon.


	46. Anyone

She had a few ideas but didn't know exactly what she had been expecting, although what she found on the other side of the hangar certainly didn't fit. Revan thought there would be tubes, computers, people walking around in lab attire, great bubbling displays of variously colored chemicals, the list went on and on. Instead they had walked into what appeared more like a large apartment complex.

Colorless hallways greeted their path, where occasionally they passed others on their way to some unknown area of the facility. There was no standard dress code and Revan couldn't help but wonder how they kept track of who held what position or how they didn't end up lost as each corridor seemed to mirror the last.

Mio had begun to explain the facility before Treg placed a gentle hand on her arm, "Please, let me." He smiled. "But feel free to interrupt if I fail to remember something accurately."

He was beaming as he spoke about the place, telling her how the actual labs were in the Northern region of the station, each one secured by a voice activated locking system. The area they were in now had once been the labs but was turned into a series of apartments when the new section had been built. It even hosted a hologym and a few cafés. "Those were my quarters" he pointed to a door that looked just the same as all the others to Revan.

"And these are mine" Mio walked to the door directly across from where Treg had pointed. "Come in. We have some catching up to do, I'm anxious to hear what you have been up to Treg, and how you met your friends."

-------------------

He knew their eyes were following him but at this point he didn't care. He slowly moved around searching every square inch of the large hangar, committing everything to memory, the location of each control unit along with numerous wall mounted devices. He feigned interest in the other ships, moving around them as if in awe, ducking under them as he conveyed interest in their structural build and design. In reality he was assessing which locations kept him hidden from their view. He would quickly come out the other side to avoid suspicion, tracing his fingers along the sides of the ship before looking up at the guards in the terminal and giving them a nod of approval. There were 10 steps, a small landing and then another 10 steps turning to the left that the guards would have to maneuver if they decided to leave their post.

Right now there were four guards watching him, enough eyes to cover the hangar, but hopefully later, in the late hours of the night there wouldn't be as many. _Unless they decide to keep a closer eye on me. _

Carth headed back to the Rubicon, inspection complete. Now he just needed the expertise of X-14 to unlock one of those doors. He headed to the galley, brewing a cup of caffa before sitting down. Needing to figure out which path would provide the most cover, ultimately determining which door he tried to access, he took a sip of his caffa and began reviewing what he had just learned.

------------------------------

"Breath of Heaven?" Mio asked, returning from her kitchenette into the parlor where she had left Treg and Revan.

"Are they paying you that well these days to afford such an expensive beverage?" Treg inquired as he moved to grab three glasses from the wall cabinet.

"No such luck, this is a bottle I've kept around for a special occasion. And if I remember correctly, it's one of your favorites."

"That it is. I always enjoyed a pricey, almost pure grade of alcohol now didn't I?" He took the bottle from her and began mixing the drinks with a familiar expertise.

_Actually he's quite familiar with everything, where she keeps her glasses … Oh stop it Revan, don't tell me your jealous! I'm sure all these apartments are set up the same. _She accepted the drink from Treg and tried to tune into what he and Mio were talking about.

"So when the position opened –"

"You graciously accepted." Treg finished for her.

"Not without regrets." Mio became serious, "I never had a chance to tell you how sorry I was Treg. I'm sorry about the marriage …. "

"Ah, no need for that Mio. It was for the best. Plus, everyone knows I was never spouse of the year. Besides, my time away from here has enriched my life. After all, I met this wonderful person" His gaze turned to Revan and he immediately knew she wasn't listening to anything he was saying, "Who has just been sitting quietly over there, but don't let that fool you."

_Wonder what Carth is up to? He must be steaming mad at me, nothing unusual there. He thinks I'm here for Treg. But I'm not, am I? It wasn't just leaving Treg that made me want to stay, there is something else. If I could just reach out …. _

"Revan?" Treg gave her a gentle shake.

She forced a smile but her eyes told a different story. "What can I say, it's been a long day. Any chance there's a shower around here I could use?"

Attempting to hide what he knew what going through her mind, Treg replied a bit more scornfully than he anticipated before recovering, "It's barely afternoon Revan, but that is an excellent idea. Mio, do you know if our accommodations are ready?"

"Give me a moment, let me check" with that she stepped out of the room through a door on her left.

When she had exited, Treg turned his attention back to Revan, "I know that look Revan, you are saddling yourself with more guilt."

"I should go talk to Carth." Revan finally stated.

Treg was silent for awhile, until he could no longer stand how she was silently demoralizing herself. "If, perhaps, that I believed you wanted to do that for the right reasons I would stand behind you. But you only want to go to him to set his mind at ease, when you know you cannot do that. He has to deal with this on his own Revan. No apology you give him, no words you say, will comfort him. And frankly, you have done enough apologizing to him, enough to last a lifetime in my databank. You have to stop with the blame. You just gave a part of yourself for his life, and you have made amends. You have given more of yourself than I'm sure even he wanted. I will only say this one more time Revan – It is time you stopped apologizing to that man for your past. What's done is done!"

She was growing irritated, at herself, at him, at everything. "Would you just, for once, stop being so damn understanding and blunt!"

Her agitation was even more apparent as she began wringing her hands, "Force Treg, my past is unforgivable. If you only knew what I have done. What I have done to Carth. He's a man who has a lot of pride and every time he swallows some of it for me I turn around and throw it back in his face. ME! Just me! I take whatever small bit he gives me and just stomp on it, as if it were insignificant. How can I forgive myself when I just continually hurt him? Dammit, I love him, and then I go running to you and … and … You should hate me too!"

He moved to kneel down before her, "You have, in what you just said, addressed two of your biggest problems." He brought her hands into his, "The first is that you have spent too many years being hard on yourself, hating yourself, placing all the blame on yourself. That will not go away instantly, but I hope, with my help, that it will fade a bit quicker. Next is how you feel you about Onasi, which ties back to the first and how you believe you owe him some Wookie life-debt because of your actions, which all help to feed your blame. Yes, you still love him. Letting go is never easy, even if it is something we loathe. When it is something we love it is even harder. But I will not let you push me away due to any of this. It is what you have done with Onasi but it will not happen with me. I'm here Revan and I'm not going anywhere. Unless of course, I believe you mean it when you tell me otherwise. Which to date, you haven't done." He gave her hands a firm grip before standing, pulling her to her feet. "I would say this even if nothing had ever happened between us. It is the truth Revan. Please accept that."

"But don't you see, I can't accept that!"

"Yes you can and you already have started."

"When? How?"

He stared into her eyes before answering, letting the time pass to amplify his words. "When we did this," he brushed his lips over hers before returning to look into her eyes. He saw the confusion that played on her face, "And now you are denying it." Her confusion turned to understanding and he took another kiss before he looked at her again. "And now you are thinking about it." He waited, until he saw her self-brutalizing thoughts melt away, before he brought her into his hold, kissing the side of her face as he murmured, "this is all you want Revan, forgiveness. An opportunity to let go of all that has been your enemy since you found out who you once were."

His words were working, she understood, he understood. The walls that had been built around the relationship she shared with Carth were not present with Treg. She welcomed that feeling, enjoyed basking in the glory of just being someone, anyone. Anyone besides the person Carth believed she was, anyone except the former Dark Lord.


	47. Good Friends

Returning with the news that their accommodations were ready, Mio gasped out in surprised when she caught Treg and Revan in an embrace, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize." Her face flushed, "I have you set up in separate quarters. We can change –"

Revan interrupted, "No, that's fine. We're just …"

Treg finished for her, "really good friends." He gave Revan a final squeeze, "We've become really good friends. Now, about our rooms Mio?"

"Right" she waved her hand, still stunned from finding them so close, "Sorry."

As she led them to their apartments she explained she had some work to finish but insisted they meet up with her again in a few hours. "After all, I hope I didn't open my prize bottle for just one drink."

"No, of course not, thank you Mio. It's been a pleasure." He gave her hand another kiss before she moved off down the hall.

"And you," he turned to Revan, grabbing her hand, "enjoy your shower. I'll be right next door if you need anything," he brushed it with a kiss then entered his room.

-----------------

Noticing the opportunity hours before it was expected, Carth quickly exited the ship with X-14 in tow. There was a flurry of activity surrounding the hangar as workers assembled towards a large shuttle that had appeared only moments before. _Shift change, end of the workday, perfect! _

They moved towards the closest door, hidden well from the exiting employees. Carth was busy trying to think of an excuse if someone would happen to stumble across his path while X-14 tried to access the door. After a few minutes X-14 acknowledged that the door was highly encrypted and would require more time then they could afford at the moment.

Abandoning that one, they moved to another door. Carth gave a smile and nod to a group of people that passed by before slipping inside. He stared around at a group of lockers and storage containers for a few seconds before he began to rummage through them. Most of the lockers contained cleaning supplies, some clothing and a few items that were unrecognizable to him. The containers seemed to hold spare ship parts and lubricants but one held an outdated voice box unit. Carth quickly slipped that into his pocket before X-14 alerted him that the shuttle was ready to depart. They quickly returned to the Rubicon where Carth had X-14 analyze the modulator he found, hoping to find some remaining voice recordings.

"What earlier message?" Carth asked X-14 when he was informed one of the voice patterns held similar tones to an earlier message dispatched from the Rubicon.

"But I never got to contact the Republic!" Carth said in confusion. "X-14, did you happen to record that message?"

X-14 replayed the message: "Assassination attempt 6 standard hours ago, target survived. Assassins down, dumping bodies out of airlock at the following location, forward report to ALM after examination. Over."

_Treg! _Carth sat back in his seat, thoroughly convinced that they had been set up.

--------------------------

When the knock on the door arrived Revan chided herself on her decision to shower first instead of trying to tune into the force. _I really need to find out what compelled me to stay._

"Yes, who is it?" she replied into the door com.

"Would you believe a naked mad scientist intent on satisfying his perverted desires?" came Treg's playful reply.

Opening the door she flashed a scornful look at him, "Liar!" She turned and moved back into her room. "You aren't naked at all."

Treg grabbed her back, "Oh no you don't. You cannot make a comment like that and just walk away."

She smiled, "And why is that? I am Darth Tease after all."

Treg kissed her cheek, "Because," he slowly moved towards her mouth, "I have been a bad boy, placing you in every possible erotic fantasy I can manage."

She quickly returned his kiss before pulling away, "Then I suggest you find something else to occupy your thoughts."

"Any ideas?" he shot back.

"Actually yes, how long have you known Mio?" she moved to sit down.

"Jealous?" he inquired, raising his brows. "Amuse me, since I'm getting feelings of 'we can't do this anymore' from you." A long silence filled the room, making his statement carry an even greater weight than he had wanted. He had hoped she would deny his claim, instead, nothing.

When she just stared at him through lowered eyes he decided to answer her question, before the tables were turned. "I've known Mio since she arrived here, a few years after I did actually. We worked closely together, she actually helped me out considerably with my project. She was my right hand man. Er, woman."

Revan raised her eyebrow at that last comment.

"We became good friends" he splayed out his hand, telling her to make her own judgement.

"Funny, I recall you saying the same to her about us just a short time ago."

"True … " he responded, intentionally leaving his comment unfinished.

"Are you teasing me?"

"Never! Although I certainly cannot say the same about you." he grinned back at her.

Deciding not to encourage that current line of discussion she pressed, "What else can you tell me about this place?"

"Actually, I'm glad you brought that up, I have a gift for you." He brought out a datapad. "This is a map of the facility. Originally the entire lab was under the surface of the planet, so the apartments follow that pattern. Each corridor angles slightly downward, for approximately 6 floors. The lower the number, the further down you travel. Each hall is marked with a certain color and number pattern, so one can always tell exactly where they are with respect to the main floor."

"Ah, so that explains how everything seemed the same to me but everyone else seemed to know their way around."

"Exactly, it's almost like a huge spiral."

"So all these people work for Anthrecite Labs?"

"Not exactly, that's where it gets more complex. Anthrecite is just an umbrella, they provide the building, security, some of the equipment but all the lab space is rented. Most of the people you see here don't exactly work for Anthrecite, they work for whoever is employing them, who is renting the space. They only have access to the lab in which they are assigned."

"Ah, so that's where the funding comes in? And the reason why there is no specific dress code."

"Exactly."

"And Sargac? You said he worked for Anthrecite labs."

"Well, he does, more or less. He's very renowned – his name brings high paying scientists to rent out facilities here. He has also managed the place for as long as I can remember. The heads of Anthrecite are happy to have a small percentage of rights to all experiments and even more satisfied when they don't have to play a daily role in any of the process. Sargac runs it well and they have no objections. Not to mention he provides them with exceptional profit. They trust and provide almost anything he demands."

"So he owns the place without paying any of the overhead?"

"If you choose to simplify it that way, then yes." He reached down for her hand, pulling her upright, "Come, we can finish this discussion as we walk, Mio has invited us for a tour of my old lab."

------------------------

_A/N – To Everyone who has commented, THANK YOU! You really keep me going, striving, to make this a great story! You really don't know how much your comments mean, they are my life-blood. I really feel like I owe you all something great for following this garrulous story, otherwise, I could have wrapped this up rather quickly – but due to all the comments, I have to … well … push myself to write something _fan_tastic! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the encouragement and persistence! Any comment, good or bad, is ENOURMOUSLY appreciated!_

_Since I don't want to seem like I'm ignoring any of them I have chosen a few to comment on:_

_l0ngshotOR – Treg's role has been already written and I SO enjoy your point of view but, sorry, I can't change it now… you'll just have to keep reading and see…._

_RevansLostSoul – Carth kill Treg? Well … I guess there would have to be some pretty incriminating circumstances to justify that huh?_


	48. Only Time

"This artificial brain tissue works with the hypergleanum gland to produce the chemicals necessary to decode sensory information…"

Revan knew she was out of her league although Treg seemed very interested. Mio provided explanations that were making it harder for Revan to concentrate on what was being discussed as they passed various stations on the tour.

"You've come a long way since Keloid tissue." Treg was saying.

"Yes, we have, but not nearly as far as you came with your … project."

Treg shifted a bit before Revan decided to bring the conversation back to something she could understand… or not. "So Treg, you never told me what exactly you were researching."

"It was nothing, obviously a futile display of arrogance that should have never been pursued." He remarked while stiffening.

"Nonsense Treg," Mio provided, "He was using specially-harvested regenerative cells along with their bollen pattern to define a series of neural connections which links all the body's muscles to a central location, such as the brain."

"I think that's enough Mio." Treg interrupted before replying more forcefully, "It's in the past."

Mio flushed, "Sorry, but your work still gets me very excited. It was the best I ever saw and I still can't believe that after all the careful documentation that – "

"Mio, enough!" Treg said in a very firm voice, startling both women, neither of which had ever heard him speak that way. _Lies, all lies! _It took all the willpower Treg could muster to keep his thoughts and feelings under control as the tour continued.

"I just have one more thing to show you both. It's almost ready for the market, we just need to get enough of it in supply to meet the demand." They moved towards the final door. "It's the Delta Wave Inducer, it will provide one with a full nights rest in just a ten minute nap."

_Really now, that sounds quite a bit like the Jedi technique that allows us to sleep while still being aware of our surroundings … only not as refined. _Revan was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't realize the tour had ended. Quickly feigning interest she slipped a few of the devices under her robes before following them out of the room. She had no idea if they would come in handy later on, only time would tell.

-------------------------------------

"Treg, you go ahead, I have things I need to take care of." Revan replied when they returned to the apartments, Mio insisting they finish her now open bottle.

"You're going to him aren't you?" he inquired.

She smiled, "Now that I'm sure I won't get lost," waving the datapad in her hand. "I won't be gone long Treg – besides you two," she nodded towards Mio's quarters, "have a lot of catching up to do." She moved off but Treg pulled on her hand, raising his eyes.

"I'll be fine, honest. Save a drink for me."

Treg watched her go, wondering if the apprehension he was feeling was of a personal nature or something more serious that should bewarranting more of his attention. His interests and thoughts were interrupted when Mio opened the door to her quarters and gestured for him to enter.

Reluctantly Treg moved towards the open door. His concerns were shelved, if he should have paid more attention to them, only time would tell.

----------------

Hearing the thunderous footsteps and the excited voices Juhani knew something had happened, or was about to happen. In small increments she reached out with her force powers, intent on recoiling them if she felt a threat. The first thing she sensed was an overwhelming apprehension from dozens of guards. They were worried, frightened. Their failure to find and apprehend her was playing heavily on their minds as they stood nearby. She reached a little further past them and sensed a heavy darkness drawing closer.

As she tried to concentrate on this and comprehend the power of it she became aware of another presence. There was not just one but two dark beings approaching the moon where she had taken refuge. Letting herself reach out just a slight bit more she determined that one was stronger than the other, so strong in fact that it felt like two. Realizing it was careless to continue she drew back from the force, shrinking her presence before blocking it out as completely as she knew how. For the immediate future she would have to rely on instincts and not the force.

The message had said the scout would be arriving, she was sure he was responsible for some of the darkness she had felt but she had felt no trace of the children that he said were with him and indeed that worried her. _Was that the strength of what I felt, have the children fallen to the dark side? Or .. have they just fallen. Only time will tell._


	49. Understanding

Carth noticed her approaching, wondering why she had come and silently debating about how much to tell her as he moved to open the hatch. He was upset with her, disappointed, but still he hated to hurt her. And hurt her is what he was going to do if he told her what he had found out about Treg. Which amounted to, pretty much nothing. A message sent to the republic about the attempted assination on his life, enough reason to validate all his suspicions but still not enough to say exactly what Treg was up to. Despite the concern for Revan's feelings he couldn't help his sarcastic and sour greeting.

"Have you been enjoying yourself?" he asked as she walked up the ramp.

"Please Carth, I am very much here for business not because of Treg."

"Yeah, about him - "

She really didn't want to get into this again with him. Right now she had more pressing things on her mind. Those pressing thoughts had been invading her mind ever since they landed and the feeling was only growing stronger. She knew it was the real reason she had wanted to stay, but so far, she had been unable to voice any of those reasons to Carth. Perhaps it was partially her fault, since she didn't even understand them herself. All she knew, somehow, was that being here, right now, was where she was supposed to be. Unfortunately, she also felt that it was the exact wrong place for her to be right now too. "Carth, there are reasons I wanted to stay and they have nothing to do with him."

His jaw set in a hard line, "And there are reasons we should just leave now and they have everything to do with him."

Letting out a deep sigh Revan realized she would not be able to avoid this conversation. Not with the way Carth's jaw was set and his eyes narrowed in determination. Still, she had to try, "I don't know why I bothered to even come here if Treg is all you want to talk about."

He was almost apologetic in his reply when he decided to tell her what he knew, "Revan, he's not who you think he is. He sent a transmission, X-14 recorded it. I think you should listen." ………………… _Assassination attempt 6 standard hours ago, target survived. Assassins down, dumping bodies out of airlock at the following location, forward report to ALM after examination. Over._

The transmission hit Revan like a meteorite. Her stomach knotted and she found the air hard to breathe. Instinct told her to carry on as if it meant nothing but the familiar surroundings allowed her a more personal reaction. Unfortunately, she also knew Carth's eyes were trained on her, watching for her reaction. In all honesty, she had no idea how to react after hearing the message. She had trusted Treg, absolutely, positively, from the start. To hear his voice, so cold, so uncaring, report about what had been, not just emotionally but also physically, so devasting to her, was more than she could stomach. She had never felt so betrayed before.

Assimilating this new information into what she had originally come to discuss with Carth gave her more questions than answers. She was almost certain that someone was invading her thoughts, through the force, guiding her down the dark path. Something besides the implant. Now she had to wonder if had been Treg all along.She gave a few jerks of her head to clear her mind, wondering if the certainty of Treg's good intentions had been entirely misguided. _I trusted him, no one could be that evil and hide it the way he has …_

"I have to go back Carth. I have to know -"

He replied immediately, "NO! You don't! Dammit Revan, let's just leave. We can figure all that out later, after we find our kids."

She fumbled with her words, "Carth I can't. I have to know … there must be some explanation. I can't believe all my intuition was so wrong. I cannot leave him like this." She couldn't continue aloud, instead she spoke silently to herself, _I have to know if he is the one guiding me towards the dark side, if all you thought and said about what I was inviting into my life is true. _

Carth couldn't contain his fury. He couldn't believe she was making excuses for him, _Doesn't she see now that he lied to us! Why the hell does she insist on seeing him again? How can she feel so strongly for that man?_

"Dammit Revan, I love you and I'm not going to let you do this! I refuse to believe that you still don't love me. That he has become so important to you. Did you lie to me on the Fore Runner when you said you would never leave me? Was that just another one of your twisted actions?" His voice was not alone, as not just it but also his actions spoke the fury he was feeling. He was desperate and the way he seemed to be loosing control frightened her.

Her voice softened, hoping to calm him and bring back the person she could recognize, "This isn't about Treg. You are the only one I love Carth but all we do is hurt each other, since the beginning of our relationship. It's time we both admitted that. You have never forgiven me for all the things I did in my past, who I was. It's hard for me to forgive myself. I wake up every day with regrets and now that my memories are returning it gets harder and harder to put all that aside and carry on." Trying to hide the well of tears that were forming in her eyes she continued in a stronger voice, "I need someone to talk to, someone who won't judge me based on my past actions. I'm tired of waking up and putting all that aside, acting like it doesn't bother me, that it doesn't affect me." Looking up she pleaded with him to understand her next words and the sacrifice it was to her, "I know the subject is painful for you, that's why I'd never be able to talk to you about it. I don't doubt that you love me and I hope you know I love you, but, sometimes," she took a gulp of air, "well, sometimes love isn't enough. I'm sorry Carth."

His jaw tightened as he tried to remain as calm as he could, "You're wrong Revan. Love is enough, our love is enough. Maybe acceptance isn't forgiveness, but eventually I would have come around. I know I'm not the most emotionally supportive guy but I would have tried, for you, if you had just asked. Since I met you, you have always asked more of me than what I thought I could provide. It may have taken me awhile but each time I rose to that challenge. I grew because of you and I would have continued to grow as I met your challenges. I don't know what lies he's feeding into your head but they're wrong. You're wrong! And I intend to prove that."

His eyes were filled with emotion, with determination, with love. For a moment she believed everything he was saying, she drank it in, let it quench her, appreciating it for what it simply was, much as one who had been walking through the Tatooine desert and had finally found water. Tentatively reaching her hand out she brought it to rest against the side of his cheek. "Carth, it's not for the reasons you believe, but I have to go back." She knew her own eyes, gazing back at Carth, were filled with that same love and she knew the moment he recognized it too when a small smile broke out lighting up his entire face. _If only this is how he could always look at me._

Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she let her hand drop. The last thing she noticed before blinking the tears from her eyes was the smile fading from his face. The next thing she felt was two sturdy arms wrapping around her waist. He pulled her toward him, letting one hand gently push her face against his shoulder as his fingers caressed the back of her head. "I've never known you to run from a challenge Revan. Consider me, consider us, your greatest challenge."

His other hand slid down her neck, cupping her chin, bringing it up to meet his face as he continued to speak. "I never said I was easy to live with, I always knew you weren't," he said with a grin. "But if you feel anything close to what I am feeling right now then you know this is right. We are right." Sealing that with a kiss that brushed over her top lip, his lips moved to speak into her ear in the softest and most emotionally filled tone she had ever heard from him. So painful and compassionate were his words that they twisted her insides into a heart stopping knot.

"I love you so deeply it hurts. I'm helpless to make you understand. This is territory so unfamiliar to me that it scares me. Sometimes when I look at you I'm afraid that I don't deserve something so wonderful, that this is all a dream and I'll wake up and lose you forever, that I'll never, ever, be enough. Just a small percentage of the happiness you bring to me could shower hundreds of planets in supreme bliss. And in return I have nothing to offer you except my own joy and a love that radiates from my very soul." He took her head in both his hands and leaned in to cover her mouth with his. He drank in all she offered, tasted her until he could no longer hold off the fight for air. "I love you. Everything you are, everything you were. From the moment you were born until the day you take your last breath of air. Can you ever love me so completely Revan? Am I just a fool to think that you could love me in this same, all encompassing way?"

Revan was dumbfounded. First at the emotionally charged way he had spoken to her, so uncharacteristic for the man she knew. Second at what he had said as she suddenly felt like a complete idiot. _That's what I see? That's the look! When I see fear it's not directed at me but at himself, fear of losing what we have, of losing me. And when I see disbelief it is because he doesn't feel worthy of my love, thinking I don't feel the same. Him thinking that this will end is the sadness that all his fears will come to pass, that I don't feel the same about him, that he will never satisfy me. And the fault is none other than his own! His own feelings of insecurity. Oh force, have I been this stupid? I've had the look all wrong! He doesn't look at me with those feelings, they are all directed inward! That's why they've always been there! From the moment he admitted his feelings to me, to himself, all those years ago, he has been saddled with feeling incompetent, unworthy and undeserving._

Her eyes grew wide as she looked into his face, realization dawning. Uncontrollably her nostrils flared and her jaw drooped. She saw him grow hesitant at her reaction and she tried to reassure him by bringing her arms around him, burying her face into his sturdy chest as she spoke, "I've been so selfish Carth, I always thought it was about me."

His arms wrapped around her tightly, "Revan, I retreat to things I can understand, make more sense of, hide behind. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to lose you anymore now than I did before." His body stiffened for a slight second before he continued, "Do you … do you feel the same? Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Of all times her voice left her. She could only reply by squeezing him tighter, holding him against her as firmly as he was holding her. Neither seemed to care when their muscles stiffened from the prolonged hold. Nor were they privy to the changes on the exterior of the planet as light faded into dusk, then turned to darkness. Without words they were communicating on a level that brought them both to a greater understanding. They didn't need to speak of the children, they both knew how the other felt and how deeply it affected them. Endorsing words of affection and professed love were no longer necessary. Their hearts were beating together, sharing the quickened paces that slowly wound down into a steady, mesmerizing beat. Indeed the galaxy seemed to fade. Nothing else seemed to matter, for the first time in years they completely, utterly, understood one another. Until finally, reality came back into play.

"Carth, I have to go back." The words were muffled as she spoke them while her body was still tightly in his hold. The heat from them scorched a hole directly into his heart from where her mouth rested. Feeling him stiffen, she raised her hand to his jaw and looked up at him, "Don't be jealous. Now that I know how you truly feel there's no one else for me."

"So he was…"

_Wonderful, accepting, passionate but it's you I love so damn much Onasi. _"A good friend." Pushing her lips against his, she sent all her love to him, sipping on him a big longer than necessary before pulling back. The only way she could think of to reassure him and let him know how much she loved him was to repeat what he had said to her earlier, "I love you with a depth that radiates from my soul Carth Onasi."

Reluctantly they moved from their embrace, speaking everything they were feeling through their single departing kiss.


	50. Changes

Making careful note of the markings and colors each floor represented, Revan returned to her quarters, instead of to Mio's where Treg would be waiting. _I need a few minutes to think, perhaps reach out to the force for guidance. _Slowly sitting down Revan began her meditation, filled with a new confidence, now that she knew Carth loved her, completely, she was ready for anything.

But this time the force didn't wait for her, it surrounded her immediately. A dark swirling tornado that refused to let her go.

-------------------

Carth and X-14 moved out the minute two of the guards left their post. He knew the timing of their patrols and figured they had 40 minutes before the next one. Intent on unlocking the door that eluded them earlier, they quickly made their way there.

-------------------

She stood with a new determination, smoothing her robes she stepped firmly out of the room and approached Mio's quarters.

Mio opened the door, greeting her cordially "Come in," but unable to disguise the annoyance from her face.

"Good to see you back." Treg greeted raising his glass as his eyes held a thankful meaning. "You have impeccable timing, you have just missed the recollection of the most embarrassing moments of my life."

Mio replied in distaste, "Treg, your work should never be considered embarrassing."

"Perhaps not, but certainly my attitude at the time should hold that honor." He handed a freshly mixed drink to Revan. "For you my dear." His eyes moved over her, trying to assess from her features what might have transpired from her meeting with Carth, she certainly seemed different.

"Mio, you never said the reason for Sargac being offsite. I may not remember much but I do know him leaving the facility is quite odd."

Mio waved her hands uncomfortably, "He's been working on some big project, no one is allowed access. It has been taking him away more often. Although, I believe, if things go well then he'll allow me to assist."

Treg sank back into a seat, bringing one leg to rest against the other knee, he drawled out her name, "Mio." He took a sip of his drink, "From your reaction he has already included you, no need to remain evasive. I shall drop the subject."

She smiled uncomfortably and a red hue entered her cheeks, "Thank you."

He passed a glance at Revan and noticed her agitation. "It is late, we should be going." Smiling back at Mio as he rose, "Thank you for your hospitality. When should we expect –"

Mio cut him off, "Dr. Sargac should be back shortly after breakfast. I'm sure he will contact you immediately."

They rose to leave but Revan couldn't help the uneasiness she was feeling from Mio as they exited and her door closed behind them, nor could she deny the boiling hatred for Treg that was slowly seeping into her.

----------------------

Forty minutes later X-14 finally managed to open the door. Carth quietly slipped inside, giving his eyes a few moments to register the dark passage. An eerie glow from the underneath lighting was the only thing that illuminated his path as he moved steadily down the passageway. He almost tripped when he came across a few steps, providing proof to his suspicion that he was traveling downward instead of in a straight line. When the path finally opened up into a great room he was taken aback.

Large containment chambers dotted the western side of the room, apparently controlled by the huge computer stations set up in front of them. There was a long wall of more stations that almost separated the room but upon closer inspection led to a chamber of tables, gadgets and even more rooms that were sealed but still visible through the carbon glass.

Moving towards the terminals Carth tried in vain to access the information they might hold. _Is there time to get X-14 down here? No, not now, I'll do a thorough search and come back later if necessary._

He moved towards the other rooms but was met with more security measures. He was ready to give up when his eyes fell on a small room, illuminated by a small computer station. Knowing this was the terminal to take a chance on, he quickly inserted his only computer spike, using a datapad to record the information he obtained. When the spike finally disintegrated he unhooked his datapad and turned to exit the lab.

--------------------------------------

Quickly moving to her door Revan gestured to Treg, "Come in". He raised an eye as he passed her before settling down in a seat. _Something's wrong, she seems different. Aloof? No. Upset? _His eyes moved to her, drinking in the height that seemed added as she stood straighter than he had ever seen her, her legs were firmly planted on the floor and her arms were crossed as she stared down at him. _No, not upset, incensed, condescending, condemnatory…_

"Revan, why do I get the feeling that –"

"No Treg," she interrupted, "Why do I get the feeling that there is something you haven't told me?"

An astonished sound escaped before he spoke, "You mean Mio?"

She gave him a derisive sneer, "Actually I'm referring to a message you sent from my ship. Just what the hell is that all about Treg?"

Seeming completely unaffected by her discovery, "Ah that, I was wondering if that damn droid recorded it."

Her jaw clenched, "Just answer my question."

Rising, he moved closer to her but stopped when he saw how cold her eyes were. "Please Revan," his hand motioned towards a seat, "let's discuss this amicably."

She refused to move, "Answer the damn question."

Letting out a desperate sigh, "It's true, I sent a message about the attempt on Onasi's life."

"Don't tell me what I already know."

"Revan, you have to believe me, I never lied to you. There were just some things I couldn't tell you."

"So tell me now and I'll be the judge of that." The look in her eyes and her firm tone gave him no other choice. Something was going on within her and the last thing he needed to do was exasperate the situation.

Moving to take the seat that he had offered her earlier Treg bowed his head, his hands coming together behind his neck, elbows crushing towards his face. He remained like that for a few moments before his head came up and his hands slapped against his seated legs. "Shortly after I returned to my parents house I was approached by a secret branch of the republic with an offer." He drew in a deep breath through his nose before releasing it in a loud huff. "I was told some pretty unbelievable things about Sargac, about the experiment. How I was really the victim of his experiment instead of my own. They laid some pretty damning information before me. With my knowledge of the lab and Sargac, with his experiment inside me, they thought I could provide important information, clues, knowledge. In exchange for being poked, prodded and turned into their revered spy, they would do everything in their power to make me whole again, provide me with unlimited resources, eventually set me up with my own lab."

His hand rubbed against the side of his neck, head bending to the side. "At that point all I wanted was the truth, I had to find out so I took the offer. There were reports, not much more than rumors that needed to be verified or dismissed. It has been a painfully slow process." His hand stopped its movement and he looked up at her, "And then I met you." He rose before the words were even finished, "It was just fate," he was moving towards her, "you have to understand that. I had no idea who you were when the contact was set up." He stopped a few feet from her, "You haven't lost your touch Revan, the force guided us to one another, your instinct to trust me was valid. We can both help each other." He reached out toward her shoulder.

Bringing her hand up she cuffed his away, "The only thing I understand is that you used me."

"I didn't –"

"You did!" she spat out.

"Perhaps, maybe, yes, at first and for that I do apologize but once I knew you –"

"Once you knew me you exploited everything!" Turning from him she tried to hide everything that was threatening to be revealed in her features. The face he could read so easily. The darkness that had slowly been invading her, that had come and was now swallowing anything light she was trying to grasp.

Coming from behind, his arms wrapped around her tightly refusing to let go of her struggling body. "Revan, please, just listen, it was not like that." He continued speaking to the back of her head, "There are some things you need to know." He pulled her against him, resting his head on her shoulder, ignoring her attempts to thwart him, "Listen, you have to listen to me."

"I'm done listening to you." She hissed, bringing both hands up in a fist, as far as they could reach while in his hold, smashing directly into his forehead, using his stunned reaction to spin around and away from him. Her light saber was lit before he had recovered. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't just kill you now."

No longer immune to the look on her face, Treg tried to remain composed as he saw the darkness that was beginning to distort every feature on it, "You don't want to do that." His calm tone was adding to her fury but still he persisted, "That really hurt Revan," he admitted while rubbing his head.

"I could say the same," she gave him a devious smirk, "but that's not really a good enough reason. Goodbye Treg." She tossed the saber into her other hand, giving it a small spin before bringing it down towards him.

------------------

"Leaving so soon?" the voice echoed.

Carth's only movement was a hand that slid towards the blaster strapped in his belt.

"I don't think you want to do that. After all, should you bring harm against me then there will be no hope for your lady friend. And judging from the display and readouts I had been so engrossed in when you disturbed me, she certainly needs my help. Now turn around and put those arms up where I can see them." Amplifying his words were the sounds of numerous weapons being raised.

_For crying out – not again! _Carth raised his hands as he slowly turned around, noticing six droids with blasters leveled directly at him. "What readouts? What are you talking about?"

Carth's questions were ignored, "That's better, now I'll just have that spike. There is nothing there anyway that I won't be willing to tell you firsthand, so you understand exactly what is happening to you. You see, I learn from my mistakes. This time when I use an implant I intend to have my intentions fully understood, who knows, it might help the process." Sargac signaled to the droids, who immediately moved towards Carth, forcing him into a small room that he hadn't noticed before.

The cold, uninviting metal tables, the tall stacks of computers, were all ignored at Carth's eyes moved to the vid screens. He didn't bother registering what was playing on the 30 odd displays. His eyes were trained on only one, the one that was being projected into a full sized image in the center of the room. The glow emanating from the light saber only served to cast her face in a more ominous dark cloud. The words were pounding in his head but he would refuse Sargac the pleasure of hearing them. Gritting his teeth, setting his jaw into a firm line he silently screamed them to himself, _"Revan, NOoooo!"_

-----------------------

"Quite a lot you didn't tell me." The static hum of the sabers clashing against each other drowned out the interested tone. Spinning around she tried a different angle as she brought the blade down at Treg.

"You didn't give me a chance Revan." He replied as he swung his blade up to meet hers.

Their eyes met, illuminated in the blue and green glow of the sabers. "Wouldn't know which end to pick them up by?" she inquired raising an eyebrow before turning, only to be met with another block by him.

"Completely true, I had never held a sword before, let alone a light saber." Eyes met, assessing one another before they both took a few steps back.

"So I'm to believe this is just a toy you happen to have found lying around?" She swung and was once again met by his defensive saber.

"It was given to me when I took this assignment, because of my perceived abilities. Never used it before now," He stopped talking as she tried another attempt, forcing him to block once again. "You taught me everything I know."

A smirk escaped her lips, "That means I'm also aware of what you don't know. But I'm sure you already understood that when you began this pitiful display" She spun quickly, using her light saber to occupy him as she leaned back and jutted out a foot into his abdomen. Spinning immediately she brought her other leg against the side of his body before she stood directly above him. "Lesson over."

"Revan, no wait, please. Don't do this. I love you.."

She grabbed her saber in both hands, poised directly above him, "Too bad."


	51. Old Ties

The scout arrived first. He was barking out orders and issuing demands before he even touched the ground. The children were to be taken from his ship, still in their containment cells, and placed in a room that had already been prepared. Once there six guards would remain inside and another dozen outside. The only passcard available was to remain with the Scout. Once the elusive pilot, Juhani realized that was herself, was captured and it was verified as being safe to do so, the children would be moved to the new containment chambers, until then, no one entered or exited the room except the Scout himself. "Inform me the moment Darth Gnillihs arrives," were his departing words as he followed the entourage that was escorting the children.

Moving quickly, Juhani left the ship and followed behind at a close pace. She could remember only too well her earlier try at following the scout, but hopefully this time, knowing what she was up against, she would be successful. Knowing just her stealth wasn't enough she tried to hide her presence by shuffling along among the guards instead of separating herself and falling behind at a lagging distance. It seemed to work and after just a short distance they arrived at their destination. Her biggest decision came when they separated into the groups that would stand guard outside and the six who would follow inside. To enter the room with them would be ideal but also a bit too risky. She would have to wait outside with the others. She would have to secure that pass card. She would have to take down eighteen guards by herself and possibly even the scout. _But I am close, I have found the children. And I will send Carth and Revan a message as soon as I am able. _

Once the scout left Juhani wended her way through the guards and retraced her steps. Stepping back into her hiding space on the now empty ship she composed her message. "I have found the children. They are indeed with the Scout and Darth Gnillihs is due to arrive. The scout has some plan but I haven't be able to discover any details as of yet. I am going to attempt to rescue them. If you do not hear anything from me in the next twelve hours then I will have failed. I am sending my destination but be aware that they will be looking for anyone entering the area and be quite ready. I do not believe you should attempt this alone." She swallowed before she continued, "There is a chance that the children are already lost. They are secured in a chamber and I have not sensed any presence from either of them, nor seen any movement." She cut off, not knowing what else to say, indeed hadn't she just said it all.

Leaving the security of the ship Juhani made her way to a guard that appeared ready to exit the building. She carefully placed the message inside his backpack after ensuring that it was ready to relay the transmission in an hour. That gave her sixty minutes to secure the pass card and be ready at the entrance to the children's room. Hopefully, once the transmission was sent, the scuttle and apprehending of the guard who had unknowingly carried the message would create enough of a distraction for her to rescue Aaron and Ariana. If nothing else, the compound would be absent a few guards, at least for a short while.

She didn't have to wait for the scuttle, nor worry about how she was going to secure the pass card from the scout. A few minutes after the guard had left the building the entire place fell into a frenzy. Darth Gnillihs was arriving.

--------------------------

"Treg move!" she shouted as her finger pressed against the device.

Sharp pain shot from Revan's temples, radiating down her body, giving it a few twitches. The saber fell from her grasp as Treg moved to grab it before she crumpled to the ground.

"Force Mio, what the hell did you do to her?" Treg implored.

The dazed voice replied automatically, "She was going to kill you."

Annoyance refused to be hidden, "Thanks, I wasn't aware." He was crouching by her body, reaching to hold her wrist in his hand, thumb moving to locate the vein that he hoped was still thumping. Relieved, his head turned, "What the hell is that?" he rose, grabbing the device from Mio's limp hand.

"Something we've been working on, to broaden our control on the implants." Her hands were waving wildly, "Shut down, self-destruct, amplify sensations. It only works at close range. I wasn't even sure it would work since Revan has an original, unique implant. The shut down only works for an hour." Mio was becoming hysterical, "She was going to kill you. Treg, what have we done?"

He gave her a hard look, "You mean what have YOU done!" His head turned straight up, composing himself before he thrust it toward her, "This was never my intention. How could you take everything good I was trying to do and twist it into something so corrupt?"

His head shook slowly back and forth in disbelief, "How did he do it Mio? How did Sargac get you to turn over my designs, to use them to further his own twisted schemes? More importantly, how did he get you to switch his with mine, when you knew I was going to be experimenting on myself?"

He sank back to the floor, his eyes moving across the collapsed body, his voice becoming hollow, "And then it was all blamed on me, the divorce, the baby..."

He stroked a hand across Revan's forehead but continued to speak to Mio, "Can you imagine how I felt when all this was revealed to me through a damn intelligence report?" His head turned, looking at the woman that had betrayed him, "You owe me Mio." His gaze returned to Revan, "How do I save her?"

When Mio didn't speak his head turned violently towards her, the words coming through gritted teeth, "You were my wife dammit!"

----------------


	52. Explanations

_You were my wife dammit! _His words kept echoing in her head, long after the clamorous footsteps drowned out the final words she had uttered before the guards rushed into the room. Long after she turned and left, unable to watch as he was escorted away.

Treg was from her past, a decision she had made years ago and now was not the time to second guess her choices. Mio understood that, as well as she understood and knew he hadn't heard her reply, because it wasn't even voiced. In fact, it was barely loud enough in her own head for herself to hear. Still, it kept playing in her mind, growing louder after every instance of recalling his final words to her, _You were my wife dammit!_.

With no other sounding board, beside herself, she replayed her final words to him, over and over. Her words were growing louder, eventually even she could not ignore them any longer, despite how much she tried. Despite the fact that he never heard them, never would, she heard them, clearly now. She couldn't help but wonder why they wouldn't go away, why they were dominating her every move. Everything seemed to be focusing on those final words, "I'm sorry Treg."

But no, she couldn't give in. She had already risked too much to hand it all away because of one momentary lapse in judgment. The majority of her sacrifices had already been made. To change anything now would be a fate worse than death. She would be sentencing herself, tossing aside all her earlier sacrifices. And surely, after she had endured all that, the rest should be easy. This was just one more trial she would have to endure, for her sake. For her career, no matter what the cost.

She stood tall, trying to ignore those last words, despite the growing echo. Trying to ignore the nagging at the back of her mind. _How much do I sacrifice? How much longer can I go on?_

-------------------

"Mr. Unic, at long last our paths cross again. I must admit though, I never expected you to end up in such company. You have made things much easier." Sargac's voice came, growing louder, as Treg became more aware of his surroundings.

He was strapped to a table, covered only in a sheet as his legs and arms were sprawled out on either side, held by a secure electronic cuff that had wires connecting to a large terminal. Still confused he muttered the first thing that came to his mind, "Sargac?"

"I see you are more aware now Treg." Sargac chanced a glance at the wires that were connected to Treg, feeding information into his computer. "I must thank you for bringing the future Dark Lord to my facility. I have gained much respect and trust for that."

"What are you talking about?" Treg replied.

"Are you that ignorant that you were not even aware you traveled with the former and upcoming Dark Lord Revan? No, I doubt that." He thumbed a thoughtless finger against his face. "You always had a gift with people. I'm sure by now she had admitted that much to you."

"Obviously that gift didn't work with you." He replied.

"Mio tells me you know the truth about what happened to you. But I'm sure there are still some details you aren't aware of. I will enjoy telling you all of this, almost as much as I will enjoy recording your reactions." Sargac moved to sit down as an amused look crossed his face. "She has also told me you have developed quite a fondness for the Dark Lord."

"Do you sense any indication that I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about?"

"Yes I do sense that, but I also know that it has nothing to do with Revan."

Treg played at innocence, "Revan? What in the world does she have to do with your rambling about a Dark Lord? It's just a name Sargac, lots of people boast that very name."

"Perhaps, but not ones so gifted in the force, nor ones affected by my projects."

"Your projects? I believe I have first hand knowledge of your projects."

"So now we come to the heart of the matter. Yes Treg, my projects. Much as yours, actually, thanks to yours. Let us travel back in time a bit."

Sargac relaxed his position, settling in for a long story, "Your ambition and what you wanted to do, did you ever think beyond that? What would you do after?" He waited for a reaction from Treg but none came.

"Well, I was in that position. I had achieved so much. What more was there for me, what else could I possibly do to elevate my name higher?"

He paused, "Until a day I was approached by your very lady friend."

He waited, grinning when he noticed he had finally struck a chord with Treg. "Yes, it seems your Revan had some quite ambitious goals with her Sith fleet. The resources we used from that moon, the ones you used in your very experiments, she felt the power in them. A deal was struck, I would cultivate those resources, refine them. Provide her with the perfect weapon – a method to amplify all dark side feelings within a person." He shifted positions, "Oh now, don't look so shocked. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, It went well, for a time, she was patient, she saw the future of what I could provide." His voice turned sad, "But then she was defeated, or so we thought."

He rose, moving around the room before becoming excited again, "Imagine my good fortune when Lord Malak sought me out, looking for something that would restore memories? Why, I knew what you were working on. I knew it would fit in perfectly." His look became agitated, "But Malak did not have the patience of Revan – he was very demanding. I knew things weren't right yet, but, when you approached me, told me you planned on experimenting on yourself… well I couldn't pass up that opportunity. With Mio's help, of course, we incorporated my design with yours. And Treg," his voice became concerned, "believe me when I say I had no idea what it would do to you. I had not taken into account that my research was based solely on force users and you were not a force sensitive. And for that I do give you my apologies. You were my brightest student. I had great plans for us."

He shook his head before continuing, "Using the information I gathered from my experiment on you, I tried to fix some of its flaws. I had to do it quickly, so I could give Lord Malak what he wanted, figuring I had time to perfect it later. I used an implant, so the effects would be continuous, along with your studies on neural connections to the brain. He only wanted to restore memories. Although I had greater plans, none of us expected the results we have had." His voice became loud, powerful, "We can now control any force user with this implant! Amplify their inherent darkness, turn them to this side. This is exactly what Revan had envisioned from the start." He gave an eerie chuckle, "Little did she know it would one day be used on her!" His laugh echoed throughout the room, "What luck for one of Malak's own to stumble across this knowledge, why, I had given up on this! Until he approached me … until you came. And now I understand that you have also inherited a bit of force sensitivity, due to that first experiment. You have provided me with great influence. We can reach an even greater following once I perfect this. Imagine, creating dark side force users? Oh Treg, my brightest student," His words became amplified as Treg realized what he was saying, "You have now become my brightest experiment."


	53. ALM

He was more human than mechanical but that was not outwardly apparent. Instead of a robe he wore a cape that was secured around the back of his neck, it billowed and flowed with each step, avoiding his shoulders but obliterating most of his torso and legs when he came to a stop. The armor that covered his body was a blinding white that was accented with silver that was just as startling. Each joint seemed to shrink from the rest of the mass it connected together, giving the illusion that he was put together instead of just being whole. His face was masked, or perhaps it wasn't a mask at all. The skull-like appearance shrank to a hollowness the closer it came to his jaw, two fangs dropped well below where the rest of the mask ended. The sides held an attached, elongated half-disc, much as if his ears had drooped and sagged and become distorted. The airholes for breathing were no more than three long slits in the area of where a mouth would be and immediately above them skewed triangles of red shot forth from where ones eyes would rest. His steps were slow, drawn out, emphasized as if performed by some remote device.

"Who is responsible for this?" he commanded with all the assurance of one who should not be reckoned with.

Feet shuffled, glances were exchanged but no one spoke. Each afraid of being the one to utter the first word. Finally, to their relief, the Scout entered.

"Lord Gnillihs, I am sure once you see my reasons for bringing you here you will understand." His voice didn't quaver, in fact, it seemed more assured than ever.

"If you will follow me."

"I will do no such thing. Speak, now."

"As you were informed, I have discovered something that I am sure you will find most disturbing. If I were able to tell you it would have been done already. This is something that you had to see for yourself." The scout gestured to the open doorway that he had walked hours before when they led the children from his vessel.

"It will be worth your time," he added.

------------------------

Mio rushed quickly into the room, her hands flying across the buttons as she released Treg.

"There isn't much time, you have to –"

His hand came up immediately, sending a crashing wave across her face that propelled her to the floor, "You!" he spoke, in his calm voice before muttering under his breath, "bitch" before wiping his hand across his face.

Mio didn't know if she was more shocked at his choice of words or that he had actually smacked her. She quickly rushed out all she had to say, "I'm sorry Treg, I was young, I wanted the glory as much as you. I made mistakes. But I'm here to make up for that. Dr. Sargac is with your other friend, Carth Onasi. He has him in the original lower lab, he plans to inject him with our newest implant. Treg, you have to leave now, Sargac might be back any minute."

Mio spoke as she remained in her fallen position, "I tried to make everything right. I contacted the Republic, I sent them coordinates we found in the droid on your ship. It accessed our mainframe and we accessed his. It matches with where Sargac has been going." She held out a datapad, "Revan has just been taken to that same location." Her tone was sorrowful, "I'm sorry Treg, the implant is taking over, when I last saw her –"

"How do we stop it?" he demanded.

"I – I don't know." Her voice became soft, hopeful, "Treg, the republic will take care of that – they are ready for a total bombardment of the planet and moon. I'm sure Revan will be there, she will also be destroyed…"

His words were venomous as he ignored her feeble attempt at excuses, "You don't know? You spend all these years here and you don't know how to stop the implant? Did the prospect of having Dark Lord Revan in power again not mean anything to you? Were you that wrapped up in your own ambitions?" He gave her a disgusted look, "Never mind, I already know the answer."

Treg's thoughts were racing as he realized that Sargac had be working not only with Revan when she was a Dark Lord, but Malak and now theSith who was trying to become the new Dark Lord. The fact that his experiments had contributed to this current state, and Revan's current state, we almost more than he could bear. But Sargac was the real reason for his failed experiment, or depending how you looked at it, succussful, was what he needed to concentrate on. Treg's own knowledge had to be a plus, despite the desperate situation. And Mio, how should he take her? Was she trying some other tactic to lead him into a state of false security, or could her actions be taken at face value? His guard was definately up and unless she gave him more reason than just this, he was not going to fall into her hands again. She had already taken so much from him, he would be a fool to trust her completely at this point.

He finished dressing in the clothes she had left for him before he turned again, deciding to address her in a formal manner. At least that approach was safe, if he let his true feelings out there was a chance he would compromise the situation. "Operative Mio, I understand your position, but at this point I outrank you and I must admit I'm embarrassed that you didn't perceive the threat of a restored Revan greater than the past four years of your life! She's a threat, a tremendous threat, more than anything you tried to discover here. _That_ should have been your first priority. With these memories and the dark side, she will just find some other lab to carry out her plans. And mark my words, she will not fall victim to the republic attacks!" Unable to ignore his personal feelings any longer he spat out his final words, "To think I shared my bed with you!"

The look of shock crossed her face before she replied, "You… you know I work for the republic? You work for the republic too?"

Contempt wasn't even a suitable word to describe what he was feeling, "Please Mio, I know you already figured that out when I confronted you earlier. I also know that everything was a lie, our marriage, your feelings for me!"

She recoiled at first, shocked that her single, valiant, attempt to rectify the situation, the past four years, wasn't even acknowledged. Indeed she was a traitor in his eyes, and rightfully so. Realization set in that she had just tossed aside all her earlier sacrifices on this single futile attempt to win him over, and it had failed. She had been playing both sides and had lost on both accounts. But there was still a small chance, if only she could convince Treg, "No! It wasn't. I didn't plan to fall in love with you, but my duty came first. Hasn't your duty come first?"

His jawed turned hard, "Not any longer!" The fact that he was done discussing their personal relationship became clear as he continued, "Now what about that device you used before? You mentioned a self-destruct mechanism."

She refused to give him hope, not after he had just ripped it away from her, "It's never been used before Treg, we assume it will wipe out the entire memory bank of the user, render the implant useless or destroy the bearer completely."

"And what have the experiments shown?"

Her head hung down in sorrow, "That all memories will be wiped from the wearers mind."

His questions came in a rush, "How close for this device to work? Where do I get one and who might also have one of these?"

"I don't know, close, very close. We weren't concentrating on range at this point. There are only two, the one I used and the one Sargac has. He kept them as insurance. I don't believe anyone else knows about them. Treg, the republic is sending part of its army here, they should be arriving any moment. We can go over the details when they arrive..."

As if to drive home her statement, the entire room was filled with the sound of thunderous footsteps. Marching feet, metal against metal, weapons being readied all floated through the room.

Seeming oblivious to the chaos going on around them Treg continued speaking directly to Mio, "I need one of those devices, they stripped it from me. I want all your research forwarded, I want a complete rundown on everything that has gone on here. You can patch it through the proper channels. And now, I need to go find Revan."

"You can't Treg. Look around," her hands displayed across the room, attempting to bring his attention to all the troops and blasters readied at them.

"Amma Latia Mto'ryoka," Treg spoke the secret words then followed up by curling the cloth covering his right arm. The branding held out for all to see and immediately the guards lowered their weapons. The leader moved towards him, holding out a device that scanned over his tattoo. The readout confirmed Treg's identity and the order was given for everyone to stand down. His previous orders to Mio would be assured.

Only then did his face turned back to Mio who was staring at him dumbfounded as she spoke, "ALM? You are part of ALM?"

"Give me the damn device and get your sorry ass to working on disabling the implant and sending what I asked!" He moved abruptly, grabbing it from her outstretched arms, once she had brought it from her pocket.

He turned to the Republic troops gathered in the room, "And release Commodore Onasi, I assume you have already found him. I'm going to need him to pilot a ship." His steps were just past the exit when she spoke, apathy quickly being replaced by rage.

"And you condemn me? If you do this you are giving up your rank, position and mission because you care about this woman, a Dark Lord! Treg, there is much more at stake here."

He looked at her once more before he left the room, "I would never hold duty over personal affairs. But there is one thing you are right about Mio, there is much more at stake here."

"You do this Treg and I will have you brought up on charges of treason. That woman is evil and deserves to die. No matter how many times the Jedi try and save her, she is destined for evil and you know it. It is her destiny Treg, don't get caught up in it like so many others. Like your fracking brother in the Mandalorian wars. You have nothing to prove. Let it go Treg, you have nothing to prove!"

Her words kept echoing in the halls, in his head, as he moved through the compound. His identity obviously revealed to the rest of the reinforcements since they ignored him entirely after briefly consulting their datapads, his thoughts played out over everything that had just happened.

_You are so wrong Mio, it is not about my brother any more. I don't care to prove myself better than him, even though I was the destined one not to succeed. He chose to follow Lord Revan in the wars and his death is not on my hands. Nor is it on hers. It was his choice. You would never understand Mio because you are incapable of love, you would never understand. I know you cared for me, but it was never love. Even if we would have had that child it would never have known your love. I've seen that love, felt that love, the love a Mother has for her child. The love Revan has for her children. That is what is at stake here. It is about reuniting those who hold that powerful bond because to deprive anyone of that would be the ultimate display of darkness._

And the love a father would hold, the love he knew he would have held for his child, was just as strong_. The feeling Onasi has for those kids, for her, dammit. _For the first time in years, after swearing adamantly to himself that he would never let it happen, Treg finally gave in and let the feelings of self-pity invade his soul.

_I never asked to be force-sensitive, let alone in such a capacity that I'm just an empath. How foolish were they to even give me that light saber when they knew I was not even able to wield the strength of the force. I'm only able to feel all the raw emotions of everyone gifted, and even those who aren't, but have strong tendencies, like fracking Onasi. Of all the things for that experiment to leave behind, why did it have to be this? To see everyones soul is truly a curse and not a gift. Especially when it allows for one to fall in love with another, even though their destiny is promised to someone else. _

The hair on the back of his neck stood and his thoughts cut short. Without realizing it, he had walked the distance to the ship and was now standing in the familiar hanger, eye to eye with the last person he wanted to see at this point. His actions came without thought, the threat evident, even if the reasoning was a bit misconstrued.


	54. Nothing but Words

The chaos surrounding the arrival of the Dark Lord gave Juhani an opportunity she didn't bother to question. Once she had donned the costume of the guard she had dragged and knocked out she worked her way to the forefront of the exchange going on between the Scout and Darth Gnillihs. Her luck stayed with her as they pointed to her group to follow them as they made their way down the halls, each step leading them closer to the children.

When they appeared to be ready to enter the room without the entourage she took a chance and spoke up, "Perhaps we should follow, the others have been in there awhile." She let the implication mean what it may to the Scout. Hopefully, if he was as protective as he seemed, he would acknowledge the possibility that the guards inside might pose a threat or that his lax attitude would be an embarassment in front of his Lord.

"Of course you should follow, did I tell you otherwise!" he barked.

Once they had entered the room and the door had closed swiftly behind them they all waited for a reaction.

"Children? You brought me here to see children?" Gnillihs rasped.

"Not just any children, my reports already explained this. These are the children of -."

"I am aware of your reports, I issue your orders. Am I to believe this is why I have been brought here? Do you take me for a fool Dracosk?"

For once the Scout seemed nervous, "You are correct, this is not why I have brought you here. She is coming my Lord," he gestured to the small bodies, "for them."

"And?" the word seemed like a finality. It didn't matter now what the Scout said, in the eyes of the Dark Lord he was already dead. Nothing he would say would stop that.

Pushing aside any of the nervousness he had previously displayed, the Scout stood tall and spoke with assurance, "And, she is coming for you."

The twisted triangular eyes turned to him, boring deep into the Scout, "For me?" He spoke again in an incredulous tone, "For me?"

"I can explain further, away from here." the scout followed.

"You will explain now as I slowly drain away your life. The more you explain, the longer you live." There was no question, no arguing the fact.

The scout fell to his knees in obvious agony. After a few silent moments he came to grips with his pain and began to speak, "You ... took her children ... she wants ... you to pay ... for that."

"So you decided to give me to her?" he scoffed. "You thought you could bring me here and have her kill me, is that it? No Jedi is strong enough to defeat me, she is but a pathetic shell of what she once was, the dark side will always be stronger."

"No ..." the scout spoke between breaths, "I didn't bring you to her, I brought her to you."

The only reply was a sarcastic laugh but the scout continued to speak, "I ... can reach her. Control her ... I am inside her ... and she in me." His panting grew more pronounced, "She is coming to the darkness ... without me ... to control her ... you will fall before her hands." Totally spent the scout collapsed on the floor but he still remained conscious. "She is close ... she is ... here."

Darth Gnillihs gestured and the door was opened from the inside controls. He stepped from the room, speaking to no one, nor paying another glance at the scout's body he was leaving for almost dead.

When the exiting, robotic footsteps became a distant memory the scout grinned. The evil expanse of teeth that alighted on the scouts face held all the confidence of someone whose actions had gone exactly as planned. Not wanting to sap any of the strength that he knew Revan would need, he remained on the floor, trying to send her all the power he had just sucked from Gnillihs.

-------------------------

Facing each other, both knew neither wanted to back down. Weapons were raised and the tenseness of the situation was making them both trigger happy.

Treg was the first to speak, breaking the silence, "Carth, there is no time for this. We must find Revan."

"Right, and I should believe you why? Because you were honest about your transmission to the Republic? Or perhaps it's because you are responsible for what has been corrupting Revan in the first place."

"It's not how it seems, believe me. Would you have been released to return here, would I be standing here, if I weren't after the same goals as you? We have to leave now."

"Where is she?" Carth demanded.

"Not here. She's heading toward an imminent republic invasion. We have to move, now." He waved the datapad, "I have it all here, now I suggest we just pursue the mission to find Revan and lay all our differences aside."

"No deal – give me the datapad and then I'll determine if I want to enter your trap."

"Onasi, it's not a trap. Yes, I may have held some secrets, but right now we both want the same thing, and that is to save Revan. We have to move now."

"Sorry, no deal."

"For just one moment put aside all your own bottled up anger and hate and realize that this is our only chance to save her."

"Your words don't work on me." He shot back.

"Well then I am truly sorry. You, once again, forsake Revan because you are filled with such hate for yourself. You can't forgive her because you have never been able to forgive yourself, for all your failures. You have never given her your love completely. It has always been surrounded by your own feelings, which you portray onto her. You hate yourself, you cannot forgive yourself. How then could you ever forgive her?" Treg gave a painful smile, "I should not be telling you any of this because I do care for her. And I know I don't stand a chance against your love if you would ever stop your game Onasi. That said here goes in the simplest of terms." Treg took in a huge expanse of air before he continued, "Stop hating yourself, for your _own_ past, then you can stop hating her for hers."

Treg waited a few minutes, "Now, can we go save the woman that has captured both our hearts?"

"I said your words don't work on me!" Carth replied with unsure force.

"But they do help, don't they? Let's go Onasi – time is a-wasting." With that Treg moved off past Carth towards the Rubicon, hoping he didn't get shot in the back.


	55. Picking up the Pieces

_Could it be? Was Revan really here? _If what the scout had said was true then Juhani knew Revan had already fallen. She glanced at her chrono and noticed that her message to Carth had already been sent over an hour ago. No one had disturbed them, perhaps the message had never been sent. Or maybe, being in this room, no one had dared to disturb them with the news.

She moved quickly, gesturing for the other guards, "Take him somewhere to rest," she nodded to the scout. She let her gaze fall on the weakest looking guards, indicating they were the ones who should remain. Before the scout was carried away she approached him, "Your orders sir?"

"The children, Revan cannot find them. She must defeat Ghillihs first. Only then will her transformation be complete."

The sick feeling in her stomach was held at bay as she nodded an affirmative to the scout. "I will see you after it is done."

-----------------------------------

Lord Gnillihs continued executing orders as he walked from the room and it took him a few moments to realize that nothing was being done, no one was moving, his orders were being ignored. Stopping, he looked at them all with incredoulity, "You are following him! You all believe I will be defeated?" He leaned his head back and gave a painstaking roar, "This is what your betrayal earns you." He gave a wide arc with his hand and in the next seconds he was left alone, their fallen bodies littered around him. He carried out the same action in each room he came across, slowly working his way towards his vessel. Pausing to peer more closely at one of the fallen he drank in their helplessness, how easily they succombed to his powers. When he brought his pyramids upright he was staring into the eyes of a small, even more fragile looking person than the ones scattered in his wake, "Revan, now it is your turn to die."

----------------------

"So, who are you really?" Carth inquired as they entered hyperspace.

"ALM – Alliance Liaison Missionary, or Mercenary, depending on ones ego. All I said was true about me, except for the stuff I left out." Treg grinned before growing serious once more, "I was just following up on the recruiting tip when I met you two. Didn't take long to figure out who you both were, how you were presumed dead after the last mission. I decided to hang around, see what you knew that I didn't. I never expected to get involved. I had my own personal agenda at the time. But here I am, discarding all that for a woman who might end up being my worst enemy."

"I know what you mean" Carth replied, lost in thought.

"I know you were reluctant to tell me before but Revan mentioned you have a contact, someone who you both trust. Have you heard from them? Will they be any help?" Treg inquired of Carth.

"I haven't heard anything, at this point I have to believe she failed. We're alone." Carth muttered the last words with a deep regret. _Alone, once again without Revan, now possibly up against Revan. How can I do this? _He knew how, but as important as they were, it still seemed to pale in comparison, _I may have lost Revan but I won't let her take Aaron and Ariana down with her._

Treg grew somber, his next words as painful to himself as he knew they would be to Onasi. "It's not just this implant Onasi. If it were only that I might believe we have a fighting chance." His hand held out a small, rectangular silver plated device, "With this I can shut down the implant, although the range is not known. Most likely it would erase all her memories. It comes with some merit. She would be released from all that haunts her, but she would never know the love that was also a direct result of her past. You, me, Aaron, Ariana, I'm sure you understand where I'm going with this."

"If it will save her, then we are all worth that sacrifice. The Revan I know would never want to follow that path again." The determined voice grew unsteady, realizing that Treg had become more aware of her most recent thoughts than he had over their journey, "Do you agree?"

Treg scoffed, "That she would sacrifice herself to save the ones she loved – yes, she would." _She's done that already Onasi._

"She would rather have me kill her outright before letting that happen. But I'd never be able to do that, even if I wanted to, she is too powerful. Although the reality of what we are talking about here, I'm not sure. One is dead without their memories. She lived through it once, I'm not sure, after what she had gone through, if she would want to do that again. I think she would rather take another option. I honestly don't believe she would want to be saved this way."

Treg's tone took on an even bleaker tone, "But as I mentioned, it is not just this implant Onasi. When she saved you, she did so through the dark side. I was witness to what transpired and it was not good." The shock from Carth's face registered but it didn't dissuade him from continuing, perhaps for fear that if he paused he wouldn't be able to go on, "What she did, I am certain, is at the root of her darkness now. And that I cannot stop. This device cannot stop it. Right now only she can stop it, if I can disable the implant she has a greater chance of success, since it feeds off of the force. But if she fights, if she uses her force powers – she will only be accelerating her demise into darkness."

Accelerating? They both knew she was already there, fully entrenched in the darkness, how much further would it take her? To the point of no return sounded ominously in their heads, but neither spoke of it.

"She's wonderful, she's brilliant, but she's also hurting very bad. She just wants to be accepted for the person she is trying to accept herself." Treg leaned back putting both hands behind his head, relaxed as if nothing was amiss, "You make her feel like shit Onasi. After awhile it's hard to dig out from that."

Carth didn't know how to take him, one minute he was telling him everything awful, the next speaking as if she was simply waiting on the other side of the planet for him to return. "Don't expect me to thank you for that comment." Trying to feign interest in the display and control his voice he tried to ask in the most nonchalant way he could muster, "How do you really feel about her?"

A smirk escaped Treg's lips before he replied, "It's insignificant if you can find a way through your own hate. Her heart lies with you, but you are bad for her, in your present state. You need to let go, accept the past for what it is, what it was. This is your own past, in case I'm not making myself clear. Then you can help her do the same."

Treg moved to rise, "If you don't Onasi, I'll be waiting to pick up the pieces, and once I play for keeps I don't back down quite so easily." Treg gave a final glance out the viewport before he left the cockpit.


End file.
